This Redditor’s dad is a homophobe. So, he told his niece to hide her true identity until after he died so she could get her inheritance! Now he’s unsure if he did the right thing.
OP (Original Poster) has a 17-year-old niece who recently confided in him and shared that she is a lesbian. He had no problems with this and told his niece that he supported her and that he’d always be there for her.
Coming Out of the Closet
Though OP had no problems with his niece’s preferences and tastes, he had a problem with her sharing it with the world. After all, his niece told him she was “going to come out to the whole world” the week this story was posted.
Don’t Do That!
However, OP told her niece that she should “absolutely wait for her grandparents—OP’s parents—to pass.”
He explained that his dad was incredibly wealthy and had millions of assets he would pass down when he leaves this world.
He’s a Bigot
Per OP, his dad is a “raging homophobe.” He said that he had stated before that “any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will.”
He even took extreme measures to be 100% sure no cent would be given to a gay relative.
His Dad’s Well-Thought-Out Plans
OP shared that his dad didn’t even want the rest of the money to be split between the rest of his family to ensure it won’t be given to said gay relative.
He said, “They will, instead, have that portion of the inheritance donated to charitable causes. That money will be erased from the inheritance.”
Unfortunately, OP’s father and mother are both in incredibly poor health. One had stage four cancer, and the other had debilitating dementia.
So, OP told his niece that she should stay in the closet for only a while longer. He mentioned, “If she comes out as a lesbian and they find out, she will quite literally lose out on $7,000,000.”
Understandably, OP’s niece was a little sad. However, OP mentioned that she was also appreciative of his concern.
After all, the inheritance she would receive is a life-changing amount that “will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies.”
On the other hand, OP’s wife told him that he was being an a**hole. What OP did, after all, was essentially tell his niece to “hide who she is just to appease old bigots.”
Weigh Out Your Options
OP understands that part of what he did was ask his niece to appease old bigots. However, he felt her quality of life would be much better with $7,000,000 in the bank.
For him, it was all about his niece weighing her options. Either she stays in the closet for one to two more years or accepts that she would lose the lifestyle she could have had with millions in her pocket.
Confident in His Opinions
OP noted that he had seen his father’s will. Because of that, he knows who is getting what.
So, he was 100% sure his niece would receive $7,000,000 as long as his dad didn’t rewrite or edit his will.
After thinking about things, OP noted that his wife also changed her stance on the issue.
He said, “My wife apologized for getting snippy with me and now agrees she should hide it for a year or two. She is a powerful advocate of LGBTQ+ rights, so she had an angry knee-jerk reaction to my dad’s bigotry.”
Insights From Redditors
Like OP, some Redditors are torn about what they should advise OP’s niece to do.
One said, “Oh God, I’m torn. This is honestly an excellent case study for an ethics class. My gut instinct is to say that you should never encourage someone to stay in the closet longer than they want to, but yeesh, that’s a life-changing amount of money. No a**holes here, besides your parents for being raging homophobes.”
We Agree With You!
A good number of Redditors believed OP did the right thing, given the circumstances.
“For ethical reasons, think of it this way: she stays in the closet for the next couple of years, inherits the money of a homophobe, then once she has the inheritance, has a nice gay life and does not have to worry about her homophobic grandparents bothering her for who she loves,” said one user. Another wrote, “This is the way I see it. While it’s unpleasant that the only way is to conceal her true self, it would provide a beyond sturdy foundation for the rest of her entire life and allow her to live a quality life of her choosing.”
It Might Be Worth Waiting For
Some users also noted that OP’s niece’s best revenge would be funding the best life she could ever live with money from “old bigots.”
One said, “I feel like the pleasure of dead homophobes funding her best gay life would be worth it for a lot of people. She also could consider investing all or part of it and donating the proceeds to some kind of scholarship for LGBT+ youth if she has trouble accepting it for whatever reason. Obviously, if staying in the closet would cause her serious mental distress, then you would be the a**hole for telling her to keep doing it. But it sounds like she is aware of the situation and believes the payoff is worth it. Not the a**hole.”
Did OP do the right thing? Would waiting a year or two be worth it?
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