This soon-to-be bride had had enough of how badly her parents treated her. So, she finally blew up and uninvited them from her wedding!
A Toxic Family
OP (Original Poster) grew up in an “extremely mentally and physically abusive” household. She noted that many “f***** up” stuff always happened to her and her siblings because of her parents.
A Sad but Common Reality
Growing up in a Mexican Mennonite community, daily abuse was regular for OP. She noted that abuse, neglect, unchecked mental illness, and more are common for people in their area.
It’s Just Too Much
Eventually, OP reached her breaking point. So, when she was 17, she escaped through her window with her things in garbage bags at 2:00 in the morning.
Going No Contact
OP has gone six months with no contact from her parents. Only when they reached out to her personally, saying they wanted a relationship with her again, did she entertain the thought of having them in her life.
A Protective Older Sister
Since then, OP has decided keeping them on their good side was best. By doing so, she could still check and keep tabs on her siblings to ensure they were okay.
OP noted that her parents would act civil toward her. But her siblings said they’d say “f***** up” stuff about her to other people.
Sadly, she couldn’t do anything about it.
Road to Happily Ever After
OP got engaged the week before this story was posted, and she was “really excited” to tell her parents about her news. After all, they “hated” that she lived with her boyfriend while they weren’t married.
She added, “I personally think nothing is wrong with that, and it’s better getting to know the person you are with but y’know, tradition.”
A Financially Independent Couple
She and her fiancé have the “whole financial aspect” of their wedding sorted out. In fact, OP never mentioned to anyone that they wanted “charity money.”
OP and her partner didn’t want it to be “held over their heads” later, so they decided to cover all expenses instead.
A Bland Reaction
Contrary to OP’s expectations, her parents didn’t have much of a reaction to the news of her engagement. They just congratulated her, and that was it!
She said, “I thought they’d be excited because they’re getting what they wanted.”
Then, later on, OP found out through her sister that one of the first things her parents discussed was how they wouldn’t be helping her with the wedding financially. They said that she moved away from them, so it meant that they were “not obligated to” do anything for her money-wise.
The End of Her Patience
This was the final straw for OP. She never wanted them to help her pay for anything in the first place!
So, with this comment, OP decided to uninvite her parents from her wedding.
When she announced her decision, her siblings and parents said she was acting like an “a**hole.” They believe that OP banned them from the wedding just because they refused to contribute financially when it was the farthest from the truth!
Guilt and Second Thoughts
OP feels guilty. However, at the same time, what transpired would have eventually happened.
She wrote, “I’ve only ever done what they wanted me to, and they have no reason to despise me the way they do. I just don’t know if I should make a permanent decision based off of this. Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors’ Opinions on the Matter
For Redditors, OP needs to reevaluate her reasons for acting this way. After all, she didn’t uninvite her parents solely because they refused to pay for the wedding; there’s a deeper reason behind everything.
A Redditor said, “You didn’t uninvite them because they didn’t pay. You’re uninviting them because they’re abusive, talk about you behind your back, and generally don’t respect you, and the last straw was when they—completely unprompted because you didn’t ask them for money at all—-declared that because you moved out of that abusive atmosphere, they are treating you as an obligation and making it clear that their willingness to be in your life is a chore to them. That this comment was the last straw in a giant bale of hay, that your back hurts, and you’re tired of carrying all that baggage.”
“Not the a**hole. OP, let’s be clear here. You aren’t letting them come because they are abusive pieces of crap. Not because they won’t pay for it. Let’s call it what it is,” said a top commenter.
Others also wanted OP to open her eyes to reality. Some relationships aren’t meant to be saved, and perhaps her relationship with her parents is one of them.
A woman wrote, “Technically, you’re not inviting them not because they don’t want to pay for your wedding, but because they keep badmouthing you and thinking you still need them when it was them wanting to be close again. You were fine before, so keep it that way. I’m going to tell you what I can only assume that they’re actually after: not really reconciling with you, but wanting to see you fail miserably so they can ‘save’ you and then rub it in your face that you’re nothing without them because, ‘How dare you move away and be totally fine? They gave you everything, you ungrateful brat, and you didn’t appreciate it; you just caused trouble where it didn’t belong.’”
The same woman added, “So, keep them away because they will end up causing drama sooner than later, most probably even at your wedding. Find ways to secretly keep in touch with your siblings without the intervention of your parents. And congratulations on your big day! It’s going to be awesome, and you’ll be a beautiful bride! Not the a**hole all the way!”
Do you feel for OP? What advice would you give her?
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This post first appeared as Her Abusive Parents Made Her Life Hell and Even Assumed She’d Make Them Fund Her Wedding. Furious, She Uninvited Them From Her Big Day! Was She a Selfish Jerk? on Quote Ambition.