This Redditor and her husband agreed that they’d keep their finances separate. So why is he expecting her to cover the bill for a meal with his family that he insisted on having?
Keeping Things Separate
Most married couples decide to combine their finances once they get married. However, it’s different for OP (Original Poster) and her husband.
She said they never shared their finances, and it’s been this way for three years. Fortunately, this agreement has been working well for them so far.
Urging Her to Pay
OP noted that there were times her husband would try to get her to pay for him. But she would only give in if she wanted to do something nice for him.
For example, sometimes, she would invite him to have a meal at a restaurant. If this is the case, OP would be the one to cover their bill.
A Well-Deserved Bonus?
The week before this story was posted, OP’s husband got a bonus at work. He was “overjoyed” and wanted to celebrate his achievement.
So, he invited his entire family to a restaurant to celebrate his success.
Celebrating His Success
OP’s husband was so excited that he picked the restaurant, the meals, and even the drinks!
Naturally, OP assumed that he’d be the one to cover the bill since it’s “his happy celebration.”
Boy, Was She Wrong!
However, OP was shocked that her husband had expected her to cover the bill.
She wrote, “When it was time to pay the bill, he told me to ‘take care of it.’” OP was confused and asked her husband why she should do so; after all, it was his idea to celebrate, not OP’s.
Not Taking No for an Answer
Even with OP’s refusal, her husband insisted she pay the bill and said he’d “explain later.” OP, however, won’t bend; she refused and demanded an explanation from him.
OP shared, “He said that while, yes, he is the one who got a bonus, he assumed I’d want to celebrate that and offer to cover the bill.”
A Ridiculous Assumption
OP told her husband it was “ridiculous of him to assume” that she’d cover not just his but his family’s meals when he was the one who came up with the idea of having dinner together. Her husband started getting upset, saying she should “just be happy for him” instead of being “visibly bitter.”
Her husband said he’s yet to receive the bonus in cash, so he started “begging” OP to cover the bill now, and he “might” consider paying her back later.
Storming Out of the Restaurant
This wasn’t what OP expected her husband to say. So, she refused to cover everyone’s meals and just paid for what she consumed.
OP wrote, “He and his family started talking about how inappropriate I was acting. I took my purse and went home afterward because there was so much commotion when they started arguing about who was going to cover the bill.”
You’re a Killjoy!
After the fiasco at dinner, OP’s mother-in-law started spam-calling her for hours. Then, her husband went off on her at home, saying she “spoiled” his celebration and joy because she was “feeling bitter.”
For her husband, OP was selfish since she had enough money to cover the bill. But OP replied, saying it wasn’t her obligation; they had an agreement, and he should stick to it.
But It’s Your Celebration
OP also mentioned that he was the one who came up with the idea of having dinner to celebrate. But her husband argued that if the roles were reversed, and OP was the one who got a bonus, he’d celebrate her and her achievements and “pay for the d*** meal” with her family.
She, however, wouldn’t give in to his guilt-tripping and told him, “Well, that’s just you, not me.”
Their argument escalated, and OP’s husband got “even more p*****.”
OP shared, “He had had it with my ‘juvenile antics’ and won’t ever forget the scene I made at the restaurant in front of his family. Been upset with me for days now.”
As if It Couldn’t Get Worse
In an edit, OP added that she showed her husband her post on Reddit and how Redditors reacted to their argument, and he lost it! He said, “These people have no idea,” and then told OP that she should have mentioned she made more money than him.
OP explained that while she did, it wasn’t that much of a difference, and she thinks it still doesn’t justify his actions. She said, “He’s pretty p***** right now, though he kept laughing sarcastically when reading some of the comments.”
For the community, OP’s husband is a walking red flag!
A top commenter wrote, “Whose idea was the dinner? He planned it, he invited people, he pays. Oh geez. Red flags! Not the a**hole. There are more red flags; him siccing Mommy on you is one.”
So Many Things Have Gone Wrong
People also noted that, in the first place, it was wrong of her husband to ask OP to pay for something he planned. Furthermore, the celebration is for him—not OP.
“If you are celebrating a bonus or promotion, it’s generally assumed that you are the one paying because you are effectively sharing a bit of the extra cash with your friends and loved ones. Expecting someone else to pay for the celebration is like saying, ‘I got extra money, so you should give me more free money,” wrote one woman.
Redditors also doubt that OP’s husband would readily treat her and her family to a meal if the roles were reversed. They also judge him as an a**hole for blindsiding OP during the dinner.
One said, “He’d expect her to pay with her bonus money. He’s an a**hole for not discussing the plan with her at all. Those doing the inviting usually pay the bill unless it was just casual, where everyone knew that they would pay for their own meal. Not the a**hole.”
“He also claims if the roles were reversed, he would pay for a celebratory meal of hers, but I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t. And to be honest, is getting a bonus really worth a huge celebration? A promotion, perhaps, but a bonus? Not the a**hole,” wrote another Redditor.
Was OP selfish when she refused to pay for everyone’s meals? What would you tell her husband?
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This post first appeared as Her Husband Invited His Family for a Meal to Celebrate His Bonus at Work, Then Demanded She Pay For Their Bill. She Refused, and Now He’s Furious, Saying She’s “Bitter!” on Quote Ambition.