This bride’s wedding almost got totally ruined when her toxic mom humiliated her during her speech. Should she have let her be like her family said?
A Mom’s Speech
OP (Original Poster) got married a year before this story was posted. She had asked her mom to make a speech during her wedding but later regretted it.
Strained Relationship
She shared that she and her mom had a strained relationship, so she wasn’t sure if she wanted her to speak during her big day. Ultimately, however, she decided to allow her to do so and just hoped she would deliver “the same fluff about gaining a son” as she did at her sister’s wedding.
Not Even Close
Unfortunately, what her mom said was quite the opposite of what she had expected.
First, her mom said, “I’m happy the bride found someone that’s not into looks because I don’t know how she would have afforded plastic surgery otherwise!” OP explained that her mom “had gone under the knife many times” and made a lot of comments about her weight and appearance since she was young.
Second Insult
Another thing OP’s mom said was, “I hope the groom is comfortable in a crappy apartment because the bride can never afford better!”
To this, OP explained that she worked an office job with a comfortable salary. She said, “My husband and I are in a small home by preference, not cost constraints.”
Nonstop Humiliation
Then, her mom said, “Good for the groom for putting up with the bride’s gross medical issues; bet he wouldn’t have been interested if she had been diagnosed before they got together!”
OP said that her mom described her chronic illness’s “gory” personal details in front of everyone, too!
Negative Jokes
Her mom kept passing off her insults as jokes, and whenever she paused to “let a joke land,” she was only met with silence.
OP’s husband and the rest of their wedding party just stared at her, waiting for a clue on how to react.
Damaged Goods
OP wasn’t responding, so everyone stayed seated until her mom said OP was “damaged goods.” She said this refers to when she was 19 and had a bad date who harassed her for over a year.
She wrote, “It seriously impacted my mental health, and I dropped out of college. It is painful to think or talk about.”
Stopping the Insults
After this line, one of the groomsmen stood up and yanked the microphone away from OP’s mom. OP’s husband also took this time to pull her out onto the patio.
The rest of the wedding party also asked the band to start the music and brought a couple a round of drinks.
Going On as Usual
Then, everyone else just started the party and ignored the people from the entourage who were not doing shots and were just “passing joints on the other side of the glass doors.”
Because of this, OP enjoyed the reception she had planned and paid for. She mentioned she didn’t even see her mom once!
That’s What Happened
The next day, OP found out that the groomsmen stopped her mom from making her speech and even made her leave!
OP said, “They didn’t tell me because I would be too worried about the fallout to enjoy the party, and I had already declared that I would avoid her all night.”
Nonstop Comments
OP said she hadn’t heard the end of things since. Her mom accused her of humiliating her, and the rest of her family said OP should have just prepared herself because she “knew how she was.”
She said, “They say I was wrong to deprive a mother of her daughter’s wedding.” OP even found out that her sister had pre-approved her mom’s speech!
Confused Thoughts
When all this started, OP believed it was only right for her mom to get kicked out. However, with everyone’s comments, OP now feels like she should have expected the speech, warned the wedding party, and grinned and bore everything.
All the Drama
OP said what had happened “caused drama” that could have been avoided if she just let her mom do what she wanted to do.
She added, “I could have just stopped the speech but let her stay.”
How She Feels
However, OP mentioned that if her father-in-law delivered a similar speech about her husband, she would have dragged him out herself.
With this, OP doesn’t know what to feel and how to act. She asked, “Am I the a**hole for letting my mom get kicked out of my wedding when she was just being herself?”
The Community’s Suggestions
For people of the community, OP didn’t deserve to be treated so poorly by her mom.
One commented, “Not the a**hole. If your mom was ‘just being herself,’ then she might need a few harsh lessons about how to behave in society.”
Another user shared, “My family used to say that to me a lot about my mom, telling me to let it go because ‘that’s just how she is.’ And I agreed. That’s just how mom is, and that’s why I decided I just didn’t need her in my life then. And surprise, surprise, my sisters don’t need her in their lives either. And now we’re daughters who don’t see our mom. Because we don’t want to put up with her bulls***, and that’s just how we are.”
You Have Great Friends!
People also commended OP’s friends or her husband’s groomsmen for not letting her get verbally abused any further.
“She wasn’t expecting to be around a group of people who don’t give a s*** about her boat or her feelings. Of course, she was humiliated. Their focus was on you, whereas hers was on her. Props to the groomsmen for not putting up with it. They sound like good guys,” said one user.
Cut Her Out!
Redditors also suggested that OP stop the abuse cycle and cut her mom out of her life.
One woman wrote, “OP was the one who humiliated her? How f****** humiliating was that speech for everyone, especially OP? Cut that toxic woman out of your life. The blood that runs in your vein does not equal family. Family is determined by love and support. I cut my toxic older brother out of my life years ago and haven’t looked back since.”
What do you think of OP’s mom? Should she go no contact with her?
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This post first appeared as Her Mom Almost Ruined Her Wedding When She Accused Her of Being “Damaged Goods” and Called Her Fat And Ugly! So, She Let Her Be When She Was Kicked Out! on Quote Ambition.
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