This Redditor is being forced to apologize after being insulted by her sister-in-law, who said she neglected her sister with Down Syndrome. She started this fight, and she won’t be the first one to bend!
Two Decades and More of Love
OP (Original Poster) is 44, and she has been married to her husband, Jimmy, 48, for over 2 decades. They are partners through and through and have been each other’s support system, especially after OP’s parents passed away.
A Parent to Her Sister
In fact, OP’s parents suddenly died in a car accident 10 years before this story was posted. However, instead of being just left to fend for herself, OP has a 39-year-old younger sister, Abigail, who has Down Syndrome.
When OP’s parents passed away, OP and Jimmy became her legal guardians. OP wrote, “Abigail is my sweet angel on Earth.”
At the time OP’s parents passed away, she was a working mom of three young kids. She was also helping to build their family business with Jimmy.
At first, Abigail lived with them full-time, and her husband has always supported her in caring for her sister, whom he also loves. After several months, they realized that Abigail required more attention than they could give her.
OP wrote, “There was just not enough time in the day.”
Making a Choice
So, they discussed what would be best for her sister and decided to send her to a private adult home for people with special needs. It costs over $10,000 per month and comes from their own pockets.
A Lovely Place
The facility conducts various activities and field trips. Abigail loves her home, friends, and the “special” days the place hosts.
OP added, “We are always stopping by to either visit, sign her out on holidays to spend with family, keep her overnight for special sleepovers with my kids, and take her on every vacation with us. We never go more than 24 hours without one of us making sure she’s okay.”
On the flip side, OP went on to share some details about her husband’s family. She said she has a 42-year-old sister-in-law named Jenny, who finally had her first kid after years of trying.
OP said, “She’s become the typical first-time mom who believes she invented motherhood and is openly opinionated about things she believes other parents fall short on. I mostly ignore her, and so does Jimmy.”
For Labor Day, OP and Jimmy hosted a barbeque party at their house. OP’s kids, father-in-law, mother-in-law, Jenny and her husband, and their baby were all present.
At that time, Abigail had a planned trip to the zoo and asked if she could go, and of course, they allowed her.
Where Are You, Abigail?
While eating, Jenny asked OP where Abigail was in an accusing tone. Because OP didn’t want to start anything with Jenny, she just said that her sister wanted to stay at the home.
Then, Jenny turned to her husband and said, “See, this is why it won’t ever happen.” With everyone confused, OP’s mother-in-law asked Jenny what she was talking about.
Holding It Against Them
Mockingly, Jenny explained to the whole table that she and her husband did their wills a week before the party. She said they knew that OP and Jimmy wouldn’t be “suitable guardians” for their baby if something would ever happen to them.
She despised the fact that OP “tossed” Abigail into a home instead of being a “real family” to her. Jenny said, “I won’t let that happen to my child.”
Masking Her Feelings
Although OP didn’t show it, she was deeply hurt by what her sister-in-law said.
Instead, she laughed at Jenny and said, “Well, that’s great news since I have zero desire to raise your kid.”
More was said, but that’s basically what happened. Jenny left OP’s house with her family and threw swear words at her as she walked out.
OP added, “I might have said a few swear words myself right back at her!”
Undeserving of Any Apology
It’s been over a month since that incident occurred, and until now, Jimmy’s still getting rude texts from his sister demanding OP apologize. OP’s mother-in-law is concerned about seeing the new baby, and Jenny is threatening not to attend Thanksgiving, but Jimmy said it’s up to OP on how she handles it as he thinks his sister insulted both of them.
“My mother-in-law knows she overstepped with her comment but is asking me to be the bigger person and say sorry to keep the peace. I refuse. Am I the a**hole?” OP asks.
People’s Thoughts and Opinions on the Issue
According to Redditors, if anyone’s the a**hole, it’s none other than Jenny. If she had problems or concerns regarding OP, she should’ve just told her about it, not just randomly accusing her of something.
The top commenter said, “Not the a**hole and Jenny is a major a**hole. If she had actual concerns, she should have talked to you or her brother. If she had half a brain, she would see that sometimes living in a group home is better than with family who don’t have the time or resources to properly care for or enrich the life of a person with special needs. Sounds like you are still involved in Abigail’s life, and she’s happy. That is what’s important.”
The same person wrote, “Also if your sister-in-law does feel this way, she doesn’t need to make it known and do so in such a hurtful and insulting way.”
Why Should She?
People wondered why OP had to be the one to apologize when Jenny was the one who was wrong.
“So, as the daughter-in-law, you need to be the bigger person? Why is that? My own mother would have told me off if I acted like your sister-in-law did. But your sister-in-law has a strong personality, so your mother-in-law wants to take the easy way out. Is it okay that she hurt your feelings but not that you hurt her daughter’s? By the way, it warms my heart that Abigail loves her group home. Not the a**hole,” one Redditor wrote.
On the Same Side
A Redditor pointed out that OP already agreed with Jenny, yet she still got upset. They also suggested OP apologize only after Jenny goes first.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. What’s she upset about.? You agreed with her! In fact, I probably would’ve gone further and said, ‘Yes, we tossed my sister in a home that helps love and care for her, which sounds like more than what your real family is going to be able to give your kid if that’s your attitude.’ Tell her you’ll apologize for your response after she apologizes for her initial, appalling comment.”
What do you think? Who really is the a**hole: OP or Jenny?
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This post first appeared as Her Sister-In-Law Said She Won’t Be a “Suitable” Guardian for Her Baby Because She “Tossed” Her Sister With Special Needs in a Home. She Laughed and Said She Had “Zero Desire” to Be! on Quote Ambition.