This Redditor waited years until he could finally date again after his first wife passed. Now, he’s engaged to be married, but things aren’t looking too good for their future family!
A Young Family Shattered
OP (Original Poster) is a 43-year-old man who lost his wife, Kayla, 6 years before he posted this story. She was unfortunately hit by a drunk driver coming home from work.
This devastated OP and his two children, who were 15 and 10 then.
The death of Kayla hit the family hard, and OP admitted that she was the “love of his life.” He wasn’t sure he would ever date again and promised himself that if he ever did get back into the “dating game,” he’d wait at least a couple of years for the sake of his kids.
For the Children
Three years after the death of his first wife, OP met a woman named Amanda.
OP was determined to take it slow and waited a full year before introducing Amanda to his children. They dated for three years, and since everything was going well in their relationship, they got engaged.
Living Between Boundaries
The kids, now 21 and 16, welcomed Amanda, and they had a good relationship. OP’s 21-year-old son and 16-year-old daughter aren’t super close to her, but they are nevertheless still always “friendly and welcoming” to her.
For her part, Amanda was careful not to cross any boundaries and never tried to replace their mother.
Doubts and Recriminations
In the first few years of their relationship, Amanda was constantly worried that she was second best and was insecure that OP was a widower. She’d ask him, “If Kayla hadn’t died, would you still be with me?”
OP reassured her and told her that they were together now and that what-ifs weren’t worth going into, which seemed to comfort Amanda. She eventually stopped making those types of comments, and OP stopped worrying about it.
A Fateful Night
Then, before OP shared this story, his parents had heard about the engagement and were eager to celebrate. They had invited OP, Amanda, his children, Kayla’s sister, and her husband to their house for a family dinner.
A Provocative Statement
Everything had been going great, and they were talking about wedding plans when his mother remarked that she was “so happy he had found someone who he had a special spark with like Kayla.”
Nobody seemed to pay much attention to the comment, but the worst was still to come.
In response to what OP’s mother had said, Amanda laughed and proclaimed, “I’m happy she died. Otherwise, I would have never gotten him to myself.”
What had once been a happy dinner with small talk had become something else. The atmosphere of the family dinner soured, and everyone got tense.
Too Little, Too Late
Amanda had noticed how tense the children and everyone else were and had tried to pass off what she said as a joke. However, her nervous laughter didn’t convince anyone.
Way Out of Line
OP had been too shocked by the statement to react and still remained quiet. His daughter had gotten up and walked out to the car, and he could tell his son looked disgusted and was waiting to see if he would say anything.
However, he was stunned and couldn’t believe Amanda had said that—so he remained silent.
OP hurried home and took his fiancé with him since dinner had been ruined.
Three days later, his daughter still refused to speak to him or Amanda after the event.
OP decided he was tired of the drama and needed to speak with his son. He waited until they could have a solo conversation and asked for advice.
His son said, “I’m a grown man, and I don’t care who another grown man marries, but I don’t want a woman who speaks like that about our mother around my sister.”
The Truth Hurts
OP couldn’t shake his son’s words and wondered if he should break the engagement off. Amanda had never said anything like that, but it had affected his daughter, and if he let it slide this one time, would Amanda say something like that again?
No matter what, his kids were his priority, and he just wanted to do right by them.
The Death of Love
While OP hesitated, he finally said he believed the engagement was over. With all the advice he got, he knew it was time to pull his “head out of his a**,” and he knew he had to end things.
In an edit, he explained that he’d talk to both his kids before approaching Amanda.
He wrote, “I will try to talk to my kids alone tonight before speaking with my fiancé, and we’ll see where it goes from here. I’m pretty sure my fiancé and I are over, though.”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Most of the Redditors couldn’t believe he hadn’t said anything right away. For them, silence speaks louder than words.
One Redditor noted, “So your entire response to both your family, your kids, your fiancé, and your sister-in-law, has been silence since those words were spoken? You seem pretty detached. I’d be spreading around some apologies for your own lack of response. I’m kind of shocked your fiancé hasn’t tried to rectify this in any way at all, with you or the people she insulted. Going dark is a really weird move.”
Another Redditor made an important point, saying, “Not the a**hole. When I read what she said, I literally stopped and told myself that would have been it for me. I would have asked her to leave and called everything off right then. She said this in front of you, your children, and your poor deceased wife’s sister, and you sat there and said nothing. I understand the shock, but you’re a major a**hole here for not standing up for your children’s mother, at the very least. You didn’t even say anything in the car on the way home. At the very least, your children think you’re fine with this behavior. Imagine the effect that’s having on them. Not to mention the rest of your family that was also present. This is disgusting and unforgivable. The fact that it’s been three days already and you’ve still done or said nothing is more telling to everyone than anything else, including your fiancé. Act now, get her out!”
A Dark Future
Many Redditors also picked up on OP’s fiancé’s behavior and claimed it would lead to worse things in the future.
One summed it up best by saying, “Not the a**hole. Run. If you marry this woman, she is going to try to erase all evidence of your late wife. It will start with pictures. Then, it will be decorative items and furniture that were originally picked out by Kayla. If you’re in the same house, she is going to want to move so that you can have a ‘fresh start’ away from any memories of your late wife. Please trust me on this.”
Another echoed these sentiments but added that Amanda wasn’t the only one who was wrong, saying, “Not the a**hole. What Amanda said was distasteful. In vino veritas. Perhaps that’s how she sees this relationship. Fighting with a dead person, she will never win. She is bitter and jealous of what you two had. Your mother also shouldn’t have said such a thing. It was also distasteful. I think you will lose your kids if you marry her. Sorry.”
What advice would you give OP? Should OP have ended the relationship, or would you have stayed with her?
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This post first appeared as He’s Calling His Engagement off After His Fiancé Told His Family and Kids She’s “Happy” His Late Wife’s Dead. He’s Livid and Will Never Tolerate Anyone Disrespecting Her Memory! on Quote Ambition.