This Redditor never treated his girlfriend to anything and thinks he’s giving his fair share by driving to her town for an hour and back. He’s seriously taken the romance out of dating!
Near, Far, Wherever You Are
OP (Original Poster) has been dating a woman for around three months, and they live about an hour away from each other.
Exactly What It’s Like With Him
He genuinely thought everything was going great, but the day he shared this story, she ended it.
Her reason was she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she never gets treated or where it’s 100% reciprocal.
Stingy Boyfriend
She said that OP came across as “cheap.” After three months of being together with no changes, she felt like it was a “good time” to end their relationship.
Rejecting the Criticism
OP has never considered himself cheap, so he was surprised by what the woman said. Aside from that, she never appeared to be someone who wanted to take advantage of him as they split the bills every dinner and drinks date.
Relationship Dynamics
For instance, whenever they got takeaways, he would get one for that week, and then she would get the next one. Then, when they did activities, such as bowling or going to the movies, she paid for those because OP drove to her town.
OP wrote, “I did most of the driving because I live in a small town with no real fun activities, whereas her town has loads.”
“Equal” Contribution
He never asked her to pay; she offered. So, for OP, that seemed fair because he drove an hour and back.
Three Months and Nothing
The woman mentioned that in the three months they’ve been dating, OP never bought her anything, and he thought, “Why would I?”
He said, “It’s not like she got me stuff, just treats for my dog once. So it doesn’t seem fair she is calling me cheap.”
All About Thoughtfulness
When he brought that up, she said that OP earns more than her and she doesn’t have the money to treat him. However, she still did things for him, like cooking him dinner and driving to his place whenever she could.
Either This or That
OP asked his friends about the matter, and their judgment is split between he’s a jerk or she was trying to “take advantage” of him. Some even said she was being a “hypocrite,” and some told OP he should be trying to make a good impression.
One friend, however, told him that he came across as an “a**hole.”
Seems Stereotypical
All of OP’s friends seemed surprised that he never took the woman out for dinner and paid for both of them.
He wrote, “But I’m surprised about that because why should I pay for both our dinners just because I’m a man? I’m pretty gutted, as I really liked her. So was I the a**hole in this situation?”
The Community’s Perspective
Compared to the woman OP dated, he paid little to nothing when they were dating, and people could see why she decided to break up with him.
One Redditor wrote, “You paid for very little, as per your information. Don’t date someone an hour away if you’re going to consider driving to see them as your contribution to the date. Even bringing flowers and a bottle of wine would have been nice. Did you show her any interest other than your presence? It’s done. Listen to what Reddit has told you, learn, and move on.”
Someone replied, saying, “Yeah, he’s like, ‘It’s not like she got me stuff.’ Meanwhile, she has paid for him to go bowling, paid for his movie tickets, made him a home-cooked meal—groceries aren’t free—and bought him dog treats. Meanwhile, he has: the list is blank because he hasn’t done anything for her except drive to her town, which sounds like his choice anyway.”
Someone Like Him
Some Redditors told OP not to worry as he will eventually find a person for him, just like him. However, given his personality, there’s a chance they’d both be too cheap to give each other anything.
A commenter wrote, “My dad always said cheap people never consider themselves cheap. You guys weren’t a match, don’t sweat it. There is a crazy coupon extreme cheapskate out there for you.”
Another one contradicted, “See, that wouldn’t work either because both of them would stiff the other person with the bill.”
The Shameful Truth
The community agreed with OP’s ex-girlfriend’s sentiments: he is cheap. For them, it’s embarrassing that he let her pay for most of their dates while he just sat there, thinking he’s done his share.
“Whether you intended or not, yeah, man, you were being kind of cheap as hell,” someone said.
Another person added, “Especially as he makes more money than her and lets her buy dinner all the time when he drives to her town but never offers himself. From what I understand, they sometimes split meals, and she sometimes paid 100%, but he never did the latter. I am a woman, and I made significantly more than one of my exes, and I would be ‘so’ embarrassed if I let him pay for most of our dinners, etc., even if I was the one driving and spending gas. Like context matters, and that little bit of information tipped it over into him being cheap.”
Wouldn’t Date a Man Like You
Even people on Reddit said that they wouldn’t want to be with someone like OP. Some shared their own experience of being in a relationship with a cheap man.
A Redditor said, “I mean, I get it, but also, you make dating sound very transactional and not very romantic. I think I’d take a pass, too, if at three months in, I wasn’t feeling very special. I wouldn’t say you’re an a**hole, but there’s not a ‘you’re the cheapskate,’ so sorry, but you’re the a**hole.”
Someone replied to the previous comment and shared, “This. I dated a guy like this once. Everything was ‘tit for tat’ with him. He also lived an hour away and would pay for our dinner, but as he was paying, he would be very loud that ‘I was getting the next dinner,’ then, when it was time for the next dinner out, he would let our waitress know I was paying. It was humiliating and disrespectful.”
What can you say about OP’s story? Would you date him?
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This post first appeared as His Girlfriend of Three Months Dumped Him Because He’s “Cheap.” He Considers Driving to and From Her Place His “Contribution,” While She Pays for Everything Else. It’s Unbelievable! on Quote Ambition.
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