When he was 35, he lost his pregnant wife and their child. He even gave his in-laws $80,000 in inheritance, and they refused to offer him support with his new wife and family.
A Startling Tragedy
OP (Original Poster) is a 41-year-old man who lost his wife when she was seven months pregnant with their child. This event happened when he was 35, and he has kept in touch with her parents ever since.
Not an Easy Thing to Do
It hadn’t been easy, and OP said his in-laws could be difficult, and they often tried to control everything he did. They even claimed some of his wife’s inheritance, which he let them have, around $80,000, because he hadn’t married her for the money.
A Constant Reminder
He knew that they were going through tremendous pain, so he ignored the problems and stayed in contact even when they would constantly check his whereabouts. He was always there to console them when they were sad and inform them of his plans.
A New Beginning
Three years ago, OP got remarried, and he and his new wife are expecting twins. His old mother-in-law contacted him at least three times a week using WhatsApp, so he told her the good news.
Not a Party
OP got nothing back but a short “congrats” from his former mother-in-law. She then told him that he shouldn’t “forget her daughter or their son” and changed the subject.
A Long Silence
Months passed after that first message, and she didn’t check on the pregnancy once. OP’s in-laws never even bothered to find out how he was doing with the whole situation, which was quite scary for him.
Afraid of the Worst
OP said the situation frightened him, and he struggled a bit. The reason was apparent: the last time he was married and his wife was pregnant, he lost both his wife and child.
Not the Same
He also noticed that the energy wasn’t the same for several reasons. He was older now, so things felt different, and he was having twins.
Increased Toxicity
OP said that he began to see that his relationship with his former in-laws was only one way. They wanted his consolation and comfort but didn’t want to give him anything in return.
A Supposed Bond
Not only was he bonded with his in-laws over their shared tragedy, but he also stayed in better contact with them than his parents. They knew more about his plans and his life than his parents did.
Lacking in Support
The energy he invested in staying in contact with and helping his in-laws remained unreturned. He began to think they didn’t care about or even view him as a person.
What Is Lost
OP said their behavior made him think he was simply a “placeholder” for their daughter. They couldn’t show her any love, so they projected onto him without considering his feelings or situation.
What the Community Thinks
Redditors showed a lot of compassion to OP because he had not only been through tragedy but also done what a son-in-law should have done.
One encapsulated the situation and shared their experience by saying, “My family lost my oldest sister, who was 29 at the time, and we still keep in touch with her husband. My parents still go to dinner with him at least once a month. When he was ready to start dating again, he talked to my parents and was terrified that the family would be mad at him for moving on, but we all encouraged him to date and find happiness again. It seems that her parents are still struggling, so they want to watch you struggle too, and that’s not at all fair to you.”
Another Redditor shared a similar experience to OP’s and offered him advice, saying, “Not the a**hole. I am a widow, and I had to end my relationship with my in-laws because they were also incredibly negative and invasive. I promise you that your life will be easier, and your new wife and children will be happier if you end this relationship and move on. Trust me, there is no purpose in continuing to communicate with people who can’t find happiness in your happiness.”
A Hard Thing to Get Over
No one doubted that having lost a child was difficult and that it was made even worse by the fact she was pregnant.
One Redditor had a healthy outlook, without viewing the in-laws as bad people, saying, “Not the a**hole. It sounds like the relationship is over now. They probably needed to keep in touch while you were all grieving. Sometimes, things end quietly, and there are no bad guys. Good luck with your new family.”
What do you think about OP’s in-laws? Were they using him, or was it just a part of the natural grieving process?
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This post first appeared as He Ditched His In-Laws Six Years After Losing His Pregnant Wife. He Got Remarried and Is Having Twins, and All They Said Was, “Don’t Forget Our Daughter or Your Son!” on Quote Ambition.
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