This Redditor had a lot of trouble getting pregnant, but it finally happened. She and her husband are excited, but now he would rather attend his best friend’s wedding than be there for her.
Blossoming Family
OP (Original Poster) is a 37-year-old woman, and her husband is a 32-year-old man.
They were about to have their first child in only a few months. They had struggled with infertility issues and wanted to have a baby, so it was a happy surprise when they discovered she was pregnant.
Scheduling Conflict
OP’s due date was set for a week before her husband’s best friend was going to get married. The wedding venue was two hours away, and her husband was supposed to be the best man.
Reality Check
When OP told her husband there was a good chance he’d have to miss the wedding, he didn’t understand. It was still too far out to be sure, but OP knew there was a good chance she would be waiting to start labor, in labor, or returning home from having a baby at the same time as the wedding.
Two Ships Passing in the Night
None of those scenarios sounded good to OP, so she told her husband she wouldn’t be comfortable with him leaving so close to the due date. Unfortunately, her husband thought she was joking.
A Real Comedian
OP’s husband laughed at her concerns and said he’d grab “a private jet” to make it back in time for the birth. He even offered to send his mom over to stay with her if she had already given birth to their child!
An Understanding Partner
OP has expressed that she doesn’t mean it’s a 100% no to the wedding. However, she wanted to ensure her husband understood that she needed him for emotional support.
No One Knows for Sure
No pregnancy follows a schedule, and first-time moms often go longer than 40 weeks. OP told her husband that complications like high-risk pregnancy or the doctor saying, “Baby could come at any time,” would rule out his participation in the wedding.
Possible Reconciliation
OP knew she could enter labor early, which is one of the only ways she’d have been comfortable with her husband attending the wedding. The wedding was five days after her due date, and her husband would be gone for about 8 hours and couldn’t stay the night.
Complicated Situation
OP also pointed out that if she had no signs of labor that day or had already settled back home after the birth and with other support there, she would be completely okay with him going.
At this point, though, she was seeking validation for her feelings about the wedding and pregnancy.
Lean On Me
Instead of having her husband to lean on, OP has to shoulder the entire burden herself. She said, “It just seems like I am being forced to shoulder the burden and the anxiety of a very complicated situation.”
But it is what it is; she knows they need a flexible plan to deal with what might happen.
Telling It Like It Is
OP said she realized she shouldn’t have approached the situation from a position of saying no without qualification.
She didn’t want her husband to feel that his needs weren’t important, but she also felt like her needs should be more important to him than his friend.
All About Priorities
Additionally, OP didn’t want to sound like the a**hole, but she did want her husband to make her feel prioritized and important. The anxiety of the situation had been wearing on her, even though she admitted there were ways she could see him being able to attend the wedding.
She said, “I am just looking for reassurance that he understands and wants to prioritize me, especially if there are ways I can still see it working.”
Powerful, Emotional Thoughts
The real issue, OP admits, had nothing to do with the wedding. A healthy dose of fear and trying to control the unknown went into her words and actions toward her husband.
OP explained, “I agree I should not have come at it from a place of ‘no’ that was dictated by fear and trying to control the unknown, which is my responsibility.”
Redditors’ Opinions
Some Redditors got straight to the point and said that, for them, there was no a**hole in this situation.
One user said, “My husband went three hours away to work while I was almost due—the deal was he wasn’t to drink because if I went into labor, he had to be able to drive home. Compromise.”
Another Redditor mentioned, “My friend was in this exact same situation, and her husband didn’t want to go to the wedding, but she urged him to. If you start contractions, he can come back, and normally, you don’t give birth within two hours of the start of contractions. Why can’t he just confirm that he’s going and, closer to the date if needed, call it off? I’m sure his best friend would understand. And don’t you have anyone else to be with you to ease your mind while he’s gone? I don’t wanna say you’re the a**hole because it’s more of a not the a**hole, but you both need to try to think of solutions.”
Beyond Face Value
Others then noted that something beyond the wedding or OP’s labor was at stake here.
One user said, “Not the a**hole. If he wants to risk missing his child’s birth, that’s on him. Even if the chance is small, it’s not zero. Does his best friend know? Will he be able to leave the party if you went into labor? You are worried, and he is basically laughing at it. Talk to him again. Explain your worries. If you are scared, be honest. Will you still look at him the same way if he misses the birth?”
Would you be able to forgive your husband for missing the birth of your child? What should she do, or how could she handle the situation differently?
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This post first appeared as She Forbade Her Husband From Attending His Best Friend’s Wedding, Refusing to Be Alone for Labor. He’s the Best Man, but He Should Be Prioritizing His Wife and Child! on Quote Ambition.
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