Her sister was furious when she said she wouldn’t attend her wedding because her kids weren’t welcome. But she’s not giving in, saying she isn’t even “direly needed” there!
Simple and Beautiful
OP’s (Original Poster) sister was about to get married in the summer of the year she shared this story. It wasn’t a destination wedding but will be held in a local park or pavilion.
An Expected Engagement
Her sister told everyone about it and said they should expect the invitations. But they already knew a wedding was a possibility as OP recently heard her sibling’s boyfriend asking their dad for her hand in marriage.
No Kids Allowed
When she received the invitation, it stated that the wedding would be child-free. Soon after, she called her sister to discuss the wedding and gave her an answer on the phone.
In a State of Euphoria
She didn’t mention the child-free part and only asked about the wedding and how the planning was going.
OP wrote, “She seemed excited and told me she can’t wait to be the ‘center of attention’ on her special day.”
Invitation Response
OP congratulated her sister and told her that since the wedding is child-free and she has two sons, she won’t be able to attend. She will, however, ask their parents to bring her present.
Personal Definitions and Beliefs
But her sister got a little upset and asked why she wouldn’t come. So, OP told her that weddings are family events for her, which means kids should be allowed, and if it isn’t one, then she doesn’t see the point.
Nonessential Part
Since their parents are the only important people who must be there on her sister’s special day, OP doesn’t feel like her presence is required.
She said, “I don’t feel my presence as direly needed.”
Different Priorities
Her sister wasn’t happy with her decision and yelled that she didn’t even try to find a babysitter or come to her ceremony. She was furious at the thought that OP had attended their cousin’s wedding a year before and felt that hers should be more important and the one OP should want to attend.
What She Preferred
In OP’s defense, their cousin’s wedding wasn’t child-free. Her kids were also present and very well-behaved, and that’s what she considered a family event.
Additionally, she doesn’t feel she should spend money to have someone watch her children “just to watch” her sister get married, and to be honest, she just doesn’t want to. She wrote, “I didn’t mention her changing the rule. I just told her I wouldn’t be attending.”
Fine by Me
Her sister got mad and involved her husband and their parents in her decision, saying that if OP chooses not to attend, she won’t speak to her again.
But OP still wouldn’t budge and wrote, “Her hill to die on, not my problem.”
To Attend or Not?
Their parents want OP to attend to avoid the fight and keep the peace. On the other hand, her husband told her it was her decision; either way, he was on her side.
Dense and Insensitive
Although she’s feeling pressure from her sister and parents, OP doesn’t feel she is in the wrong because she’s not asking her sister to change anything. She’s just making her personal decision.
So, she asks, “Would I be the a**hole for not attending?”
Redditors’ Reactions
With OP’s post, Redditors could see how much she disregards her sister. For them, OP doesn’t even seem to care about her own sibling!
The top commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole. Children do not have to be part of everything that happens. You are showing your sister how little you care for her.”
Another person replied to the previous comment, saying, “Her children won’t remember one afternoon they were with a babysitter for a few hours, but her sister will always remember that she willingly chose not to attend her wedding. You’re the a**hole.”
Her Wedding, Her Rules
Redditors also noted that OP was being one-sided and dismissive of her sister’s decision on what’s allowed or not on her wedding. If she wants to have a ceremony without kids, so be it!
A person said, “Going off-grain here, you’re the a**hole, and here is specifically why. To me, you’re taking a slight offense to it. The comment about how weddings should be ‘family’ affairs is nonsense. To each their own. And you’re right in that you don’t have to go. And it is absolutely okay, and not an insult, to decline an invitation.”
The same Redditor added, “However, your reasoning is unsound. A lot of people want weddings to be a party! Sometimes, that means a grownup party where adults can enjoy the celebration and unwind worry-free for a night. Your sister having a child-free wedding doesn’t mean she ‘doesn’t want family there.’ Just means she wants everyone who attends to enjoy themselves, responsibility-free.”
Dismissive Statements
Other users pointed out that OP sounded like she doesn’t care about the event at all and thinks it’s not worth anything.
A commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole. ‘Just to watch her get married.’ That’s a pretty dismissive way to describe your sister’s wedding. The way you write about your sister’s wedding comes off as incredibly judgmental. ‘Old fashioned, but I guess if it’s not a family event, it’s not worth going.’ I could see it if this was a wedding you have to travel for, but you really won’t get a babysitter for a few hours to watch your kids so you can attend your sister’s wedding?”
Do you agree with OP’s way of thinking? Would she be wrong if she didn’t attend her sister’s wedding?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Attend Her Sister’s Child-Free Wedding, Adamant About Not “Wasting” Money on a Babysitter “Just to Watch” Her Get Married. She’s Threatened With the Silent Treatment, but She Doesn’t Care! on Quote Ambition.
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