All she wanted was a wedding where everyone had fun and enjoyed the day. But her child-free rule was about to cause serious problems she didn’t think of!
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OP (Original Poster), a 27-year-old woman, will be marrying her 28-year-old fiancé in a couple of months. From the start, she already told him she didn’t want kids at their wedding, and he agreed.
Both sides of their families didn’t have kids to begin with, so it was easy to achieve what they wanted. They even sent out invitations that said it was an adults-only event.
Aside from that, their wedding venue only allows a maximum of five children because kids tend to break things accidentally.
A Baby on the Way
However, after over a year of planning, OP’s sister told them she was having a baby two months before the wedding and jokingly asked if her child was allowed.
OP wrote, “We said we would think about it, but ideally not. She’s also standing in the wedding.”
An Immediate Answer
Last week, before OP shared this story, her sister called and said she needed an answer right then and there, even though she wasn’t due for a couple of months. Refusing to be rushed, OP said they haven’t decided yet.
Some Helpful Suggestions
Conversely, OP tried to offer a few solutions, such as getting a babysitter or having her sister’s boyfriend’s parents watch the baby, as they’ll probably want the night off.
The child could also be there for the family pictures but will be tucked away during the ceremony in another room.
Where Mommy Goes, Baby Goes
Sadly, OP’s sister was persistent. She wanted the baby there for everyone to meet, and also because she didn’t feel comfortable leaving her child with a sitter.
Free of Distractions
So, OP told her sister that, ideally, she didn’t want the baby there in case he started crying during the ceremony. Besides, she doesn’t feel like her wedding is the right time and place for her sister to show off her newborn.
OP added, “I want everyone to enjoy the day and have fun. I also feel like she will hand off the baby to my mom, preventing my mom from fully enjoying the day.”
The day after their initial conversation, OP’s sister texted her, saying she was withdrawing herself from the wedding party. OP thanked her for her honesty and said she understood where she came from.
Then, OP asked her if that meant she wasn’t coming to the wedding at all. However, it’s been over a week, and her sister still hasn’t responded.
OP wrote, “I also explained that all I was requesting of her is to stand during the ceremony. Show up 20 minutes before the ceremony, and that’s fine.”
That same week, her sister also didn’t come to her bachelorette party, asserting they were doing activities she could not do.
OP said, “We went for a walk on the beach with coffee, out for lunch, and a painting class.”
Standing in Someone’s Shoes
Now, OP doesn’t know if she’s “overreacting” because she doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want one. So, naturally, she’s having difficulty seeing the situation from her sister’s perspective.
What Redditors Think
For some, both OP’s wedding and her sister’s baby are important. Timing plays a huge role in everything, and unfortunately, it seemed the timing wasn’t on their side.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. You are within your right to have a child-free wedding. But it is also reasonable for your sister not to want to be separated from her newborn infant for several hours. I agree that introducing a new baby at your wedding would draw attention away from the wedding celebration, but remember that while your wedding is huge for you, it is perfectly normal for a pregnant woman to not be up for socializing, and her pregnancy and newborn child is every bit as huge for her.”
The same person added, “Your wedding doesn’t trump her child, and her child doesn’t trump your wedding. It sounds like this is just a case of bad timing. If you and your sister have had a good relationship until now, I hope you both make an effort to get past the timing issue. Your wedding is just one day. And her child will only be a newborn infant for a very short time. You two have the rest of your lives to be good sisters.”
Seeing Both Sides
Others pointed out that this is not a matter of whether OP is the a**hole or not. Both she and her sister made their own choices, and it’s better that it was settled earlier.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. It’s your wedding, and you don’t want any babies there. Fine. Your wedding, your choice. Your sister doesn’t feel comfortable being separated from her newborn. Fine. Her baby, her choice. It’s good that she stepped out as soon as she was sure that she wouldn’t be able to be there.”
“Not the a**hole. I would absolutely not leave my baby without me for more than an hour or two at that age. A wedding they weren’t invited to, I just wouldn’t go. You don’t want a tiny baby that should be with their mom at your wedding. The baby has a good mom who doesn’t want to leave them, so they step down with plenty of notice. It seems like your sister is respecting your wishes. No problem here at all,” another person wrote.
Direct to the Point
Some people pointed out that OP should’ve just told her sister that her nephew wouldn’t be an exception for the wedding.
One Redditor wrote, “Okay, I think you’re the a**hole a little, simply because you knew the answer would be no, but you decided to dance around and not give a solid answer. You shouldn’t have lied to your sister. You should have been an adult and owned your decision. This is the part where you’re the a**hole. You finally give her your answer, and she decides to bow out. Both of you are cool here.”
What are your opinions on this matter? Do you think OP was wrong?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Break Her Child-Free Wedding Rule for Her Newborn Nephew. Now Her Sister’s Livid, Deciding Not to Attend the Bachelorette, Ceremony, and Reception Altogether! Was She Being Selfish? on Quote Ambition.