This woman doesn’t want to donate an egg to her brother after he cheated on her friend. The promise was made when her brother and his ex-husband were together, so it’s not valid now!
OP (Original Poster) and her brother, Jeff, had always had a great relationship. Her brother is gay and was married to OP’s “dear friend,” Martin.
Unfortunately, they divorced three years before this story was posted.
A Long History Together
Jeff and Martin had known each other practically since they were in diapers. They were in kindergarten together, became best friends, went to law school together, dated for 15 years, and got married!
The Long-Awaited Dream
Since they could remember, they wanted to become parents. However, they both wanted to be biologically related to the child, so they didn’t want to adopt.
Instead, because they had such a close relationship with OP, they asked her to give them her egg. She immediately agreed since she loved both of them and wanted them happy.
Covering the Bases
The couple, however, didn’t want kids yet. So, OP never got tested or anything.
They just wanted to make sure they had the donor and would focus on finding a surrogate in the future.
Building a Home
For their wedding anniversary, Martin thought renovating a beach house that OP’s parents abandoned was a great idea. However, Jeff thought it was a “waste of time and money,” but still went along with it.
The Perfect Guy to Consult
Upon OP’s recommendation, they hired Ian, an architect and contractor. She shared that he had done some work for her mother-in-law, so she knew he was good enough to be recommended.
Taking a Wrong Turn
However, a few months into the project, things started to get weird.
OP wrote, “Some months into the project, the man who thought it was a waste of time was so into architecture and the project itself.”
Up in Flames
Long story short, Jeff cheated on Marin, and he dumped him to get together with Ian. Their long years together suddenly went up in flames!
OP shared, “My brother and Martin’s divorce was so fast since Martin was devastated and didn’t fight much. Three months after the divorce was finalized, Jeff and Ian got married. Yes, three months!”
A Blind Eye
OP was frustrated that her family seemed to have turned a blind eye to what had transpired, acting like nothing happened. She noted that they welcomed the “homewrecker” with open arms.
After all, OP’s brother could do no wrong in her mom’s eyes.
Moving on With Life
Jeff and Ian act like they hurt no one, and they’ve even started investing in real estate. On the other hand, it’s been three years, and Martin is still hurt and devastated.
OP never got along with Ian, either.
She wrote, “I love my brother, but I try to keep my distance, and I’ve only exchanged like two words with Ian in these three years—three words at most—because I love Martin, and he is a friend.”
However, a couple of weeks before this story was posted, OP was caught off guard when Jeff approached her, telling her he and his new husband were “ready to start a family.”
They wanted OP to get tested immediately.
Shutting Him Down
However, OP no longer wants to keep the promise she made years ago. She said her promise was “no longer valid” since he decided to cheat.
She also explained that she “wasn’t comfortable” giving her egg.
Their discussion turned into a full-blown argument, especially since it concerned OP’s personal morals.
Jeff can’t seem to understand his sister’s stance, though. He said it wasn’t fair that OP was doing this, especially since she knew how much it meant to him; Jeff said she couldn’t break a promise she made.
Honor Your Words
OP’s family and her husband are telling her that a promise was a promise. Since it was important to her brother, she should give in and put the past behind them.
Still, OP doesn’t want to. She wrote, “I don’t want to do this to Martin. I mean, this was supposed to be his child.”
The Community’s Two Cents
Redditors pointed out that OP’s right. The promise is no longer valid because she made the promise to Jeff and Martin, not Jeff and Ian.
One wrote, “But it’s not a broken promise. She promised Jeff an egg to mix with Martin’s sperm. She never agreed to create a child with Ian.”
Another commented, “Not the a**hole. Pretty rich for your brother to be going on about ‘broken promises.’ Anyway, your body, your choice.”
He’s a Stranger
People backed OP up by saying Ian’s basically a stranger, so it’s no surprise that OP doesn’t want to be a donor anymore.
“She promised her brother and her best friend an egg—not her brother and some homewrecking rando. He’s basically asking you to make a child with a virtual stranger. And if wedding vows are not promises to be kept, this certainly isn’t,” commented one user.
A Redditor agreed, saying, “I think you nailed it with the ‘stranger’ part. It’s not the same situation anymore. Her egg would now be used with a stranger to create a human being, not a loved one. Her say, no one else’s.”
Do you think OP should still donate her egg? If not, what would you tell Jeff?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Be an Egg Donor for Her Brother and His Husband, Although She Promised Years Ago. He’s a Cheater, and She’ll Never Help Someone Who Backstabbed Her Friend! on Quote Ambition.