She was always the one her family could count on, and she’d do anything for them in a heartbeat. Sadly, they are never willing to give back the same to her!
For My Girls
When OP’s (Original Poster) grandmother passed away, she left her money divided between her two daughters: OP’s mother and aunt.
More Than Just Relatives
OP had a tight bond with her grandparents; everyone knew she was closer to them than any other grandchildren and even their daughters. In OP’s words, they were “true friends,” and they could count on her for basically everything, from household chores to medical concerns.
She shared, “Doctor appointments, cooking, and cleaning every holiday meal with very little help from anyone, yes, I said cooking and cleaning, sleeping in the hospital with them during surgeries and end days, etc.”
The One They Can Count On
She lived three hours away, and whenever she walked in their door, they always had a list of things for her to help with. Her brother lived five minutes away from them, but still, they couldn’t rely on him.
Since OP enjoyed spending time with her grandparents, she never minded helping them. However, she did not enjoy her family sitting around eating pie after every holiday while she cleaned up, “slaving” all day.
Solely for the Grandkids
When OP’s mother received her inheritance from OP’s grandma, she equally distributed it between her grandkids, and because OP has no children, her mom left her out.
She wrote, “How did I find out? My mother told me that she split the money evenly four ways for her four grandchildren, saying that she thinks that my grandmother would like that. I immediately said, ‘So you skipped me?’”
It’s important to note that when OP’s grandparents were in the hospital many times, she would drop everything, travel, spend money on hotels, and set aside her business as much as possible. Of course, she would do it all over again, and she never expected money from them, and it never even crossed her mind.
Without a Child
However, discovering that her mom skipped her deeply hurt her, and her grandparents would never have wanted her to be left out and her feelings to be hurt.
OP is married, and she and her husband cannot have children as it is difficult for her. Meanwhile, her two brothers both have kids.
Her mother was aware that she was upset about being excluded, so several days later, her mom told her that she changed it and was now using the money for house upgrades.
OP wrote, “I have never begrudged my little niece and nephews for receiving money at all.”
Truth Be Told
Not long after, OP found out from her aunt, who took care of her grandma’s finances, that her mom lied to her. Apparently, she still has the accounts for her grandchildren.
The lie made OP furious, but she hasn’t confronted her mom about it.
Give Me the Truth!
According to OP, her parents had a lot more money than her grandparents have ever had, and it’s not like this inheritance is OP’s mother’s one and only chance to leave her grandkids something. The way OP looked at it, her parents have three children, and everyone has their own families.
She asked, “Why did my family get skipped?”
Taken for Granted
OP’s husband couldn’t care less about her parents’ money, and actually, he even wishes they had none, and he is just not interested. However, OP struggles with the thought that she was the one who was there for her family members when they needed help, yet she’s not appreciated.
She wrote, “I am at the hospital, I am checking out care facilities, I am helping out in every way that I can. My brothers and their wives give very little and only when it is convenient for them. They do not travel for family emergencies. They do not go out of their way to help even when it is so much easier for them.”
The Family’s Caregiver
When the time comes that OP’s parents need that kind of support, she wants to give it to them, and she knows that no one else in their family will. If they do, it will be on their terms, and, as always, OP will be carrying all the baggage while they just watch her do it.
However, she said, “I am so hurt about this that I do not want to go out of my way for my mom if she needs anything. I am worried that this is going to be the same when my parents pass away. I do all the gritty work, spend money, give time, put my life and business on hold, and get skipped by them in the future.”
What to Do?
Now, OP wants to discuss things with her mother, specifically about her lying, because it is driving OP crazy. She just doesn’t know how to approach the matter.
So, she asks, “Am I the a**hole for not wanting to extend myself to elderly parents who snubbed me?”
No One Else Gives a Care
In an update, OP added that during holidays, unless she cleans up, the mess will be left unattended, and no one in the family would dare do anything about it. Given this, the mess would be left to her frail grandparents to clean up, which was just not acceptable to OP.
This is also similar to whenever OP’s grandparents are in the hospital, and it’s always her who has to move.
Of No Value
All of OP’s grandparents, both maternal and paternal, appreciated her very much and told her that often. They would’ve never wanted her to get hurt over money.
She wrote, “It is not about the money. The money is an indicator of not being appreciated. Also, showing that because I do not have children, it is thought that I should do more. Because I do not have children, I should also get less, or in this case, nothing.”
For users, it was obvious that everyone in her family, except her grandparents, doesn’t appreciate OP, and it’s about time she realizes that.
The top commenter wrote, “They made it clear your ‘help’ is not valuable.”
Another person said, “Don’t swim the ocean for someone who won’t jump a puddle for you.”
Time to Go
Some people suggested OP let her family be and think of herself for once.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. With the holiday rolling around the corner, may I suggest you sick family and go on a trip? Just you and your husband. I’m sure you brothers can pick up the slack this year. You need a break from family. Stop giving yourself away to people who don’t seem to value you. Stop being the family’s pack animal and let them carry their own for a while.”
Someone else wrote, “Not the a**hole, but they will do it to you if you let them. Stop being their b**** and let them handle things on their own from now on.”
What can you say about OP’s problem? Do you have any advice for her?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Care For Her Elderly Parents Like She Did Her Late Grandparents After They Excluded Her From the Family’s Inheritance. She’s Sacrificed Enough, but They’re “Punishing” Her Just Because She’s Child-Free! on Quote Ambition.