This Redditor got married knowing her husband was gay. They kept up a facade for mutual reasons, but mainly so his family doesn’t find out. Now everything’s crumbling, and she doesn’t know what to do.
Marrying Her Childhood Best Friend
OP (Original Poster) and John are childhood best friends, and they’ve been married for 11 years. However, going into the marriage, OP knew John was gay.
They decided to get married for several reasons: taxes, convenience, and to keep John’s family from discovering he’s gay.
Relationship With Her In-Laws
Fortunately, OP’s in-laws adored her; she got along with them and felt loved by them. Meanwhile, John went to medical school, which was funded by his family.
OP said, “I didn’t have a job, and instead became a full-time caretaker for his maternal grandparents who, when we first got married, were 85 and 87 and were dealing with multiple health problems.”
John’s family supported both of them financially through his medical training. Then, when John got his MD and finished his residency three years before this story was posted, he decided to come out to his parents.
Going Their Separate Ways
OP and John got divorced but decided against telling his family that she knew he was gay all along.
OP wrote, “John’s parents cut him off completely when he moved in with his boyfriend, basically disowning him.”
They Didn’t Know
John’s grandparents knew OP and John got divorced, but they were never told that the reason was that John was gay.
OP said, “Everyone was pretty much in agreement that it wasn’t a good idea, as they were quite fragile physically and mentally at this point.”
John used to visit his grandparents frequently. But after he was disowned by his parents, he decided to limit contact with his entire family.
He never visited or called.
Being a Constant
On the other hand, OP had become John’s grandparents’ caretaker for so long that she had no further career training to support herself.
She figured it would make sense for her to continue being their caretaker, as they were “rapidly declining,” and she didn’t want them to adjust poorly to “a lot of new changes.” Ultimately, OP moved into John’s grandparents’ home with them.
They Were My Grandparents, Too
OP was understandably upset by how her former parents-in-law treated John. Even so, she loved his grandparents as if they were her own; they’d always been kind to her, and they’d been together for years, after all.
Getting Almost Everything
After some time, John’s grandparents passed away—within a few weeks of each other.
OP wrote, “His grandfather ended up willing almost their entire estate to me—about $12,000,000 in assets. John and his mom each received about $50,000.”
It Was Only Right
OP discussed things with John, and after their conversation, they decided it was only fair that John got a higher proportion of the inheritance. OP mentioned, “We’re both happy and comfortable with how we divided it.”
However, as you can imagine, OP’s former parents-in-law were not happy about it. She said, “His parents, on the other hand, had expected to receive the bulk of the inheritance and accused me of abusing his grandparents and manipulating them into willing almost everything to me.”
We Need the Money
It turns out that they had assumed they’d get a lot of money from the inheritance and, therefore, made some business decisions that would require a fortune.
OP said, “They also argued that they would have gone ballistic if they knew John was using their money to ‘fund his lifestyle.’”
But He Deserves More
OP admitted she hadn’t thought of John’s grandparents’ will before she made a decision. However, she feels that John deserves the money “after the way his parents treated him.”
In turn, John told OP that she “deserved to be taken care of after she spent more than a decade of her life caring for his grandparents.”
Did I Do the Wrong Thing?
Though OP feels strongly about John deserving more of the inheritance than his parents, she can’t shake off the questions plaguing her mind.
She asks, “Are we the a**holes for keeping the inheritance when his parents had made plans based on their assumptions of the inheritance?”
Redditors’ Two Cents
Users reassured OP that she didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, she deserved all the money John’s grandparents gave her.
One said, “Even if John’s parents were decent people, OP spent a decade caring for them and deserves whatever they felt was right to give her, which in this case, I agree with. She gave her 20s to them and was with them until the end. That is far more than John’s mother can say she did for them in the last 10 years.”
Another person replied, “I have a slightly different take along the same vein. I’m guessing the grandparents knew John was gay and knew of the falling out between John and his parents. They weren’t happy with John’s gayness, nor were they happy with his parents’ lack of unconditional love. Hence they only willed them $50,000 each. OP was there for them. OP cared for them. They gave OP all their money. OP is not the a**hole.”
It’s All in the Legality of Things
People also said that John’s grandparents gave him and his mom $50,000, so they couldn’t contest the will. No matter what, OP deserved what she got.
“Those $50,000 endowments to the parents are a legal trap to prevent them from disputing the will as it proves that they were thought of by the deceased. The grandparents absolutely knew. Not the a**hole.”
Do you think John’s grandparents knew the truth? What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Homophobic Former Parents-In-Law a Cent of the $12,000,000 Inheritance She Received From Their Parents. They’re Furious, Saying She’s “Manipulative” and “Funding Their Gay Son’s Lifestyle!” on Quote Ambition.