This Redditor needs some comforting words after her dad and his current wife tried to guilt-trip her into using her college fund for their child’s medical expenses. What should she do?
An Affair Coming to Light
When OP (Original Poster) was seven, her mom and dad divorced because he was having an affair. OP and her mom immediately moved out of their house and into an apartment, while his dad and his mistress moved in together in their old home because she was already pregnant with OP’s twin brothers.
Standing on Her Own Two Feet
OP’s mom was devastated but didn’t let herself get stuck in a slump. She quickly picked herself up for them.
OP wrote, “She went back to school, and as a result, she continued climbing up in her career. My mom adjusted better to going from a double-income household to a single income and was able to contribute a substantial amount of money to my college fund.”
Her Dad’s Struggle
On the other hand, her dad had had it hard. He now had to support a family of four, sometimes five, on a single income. His wife is a stay-at-home mom.
Because of this, his dad did not have a lot of disposable income and therefore did not contribute much to OP’s college fund.
A New Chapter
On a positive note, when OP posted this story, she would finish school soon. She also had a good shot at getting into the colleges of her choice.
A Different Story
Sadly, her 10-year-old half-brother was diagnosed with kidney disease. It soon progressed to a state where he needed to be on dialysis.
Her dad had started drawing in medical debt, so OP’s mom told him that he no longer needed to pay child support.
A Different but More Expensive Treatment
Everything about her half-brother’s condition seemed to be getting worse. A specialist they were working with suggested a different treatment for him because most others didn’t help or already stopped working.
They were running out of options, and they couldn’t opt for a kidney transplant at this moment. OP wrote, “This treatment is not covered by insurance and costs a lot. My dad can’t take out a loan due to debt.”
On one of the days OP was at her dad’s house, he and his wife “sat her down.” They asked if she would let them borrow money from her college fund to pay for her half-brother’s treatment.
OP said they assured her they’d pay her back, but she was sure they wouldn’t be able to.
Given their financial situation, OP mentioned that her dad had a second job which he works on the weekend. Meanwhile, his wife homeschooled their kids and was a full-time caregiver for her sick half-brother.
No Familial Support
When it came to OP’s dad’s family, no one would be able to help. Her paternal grandparents disowned her dad when they learned about his affair.
Her dad also already got help from his brother and sister, but OP mentioned that “they could only give so much.” She said she was probably their last option, as her dad’s current wife didn’t have a lot of family.
I Don’t Want to Risk My Future
She didn’t want to jeopardize her future, even if she felt bad for her half-brother.
OP wrote, “I really don’t want to give them the money because I know if I don’t get any scholarships, I wouldn’t be able to go to the college I want to without going into debt myself. My future would be at risk, and I know my dad wouldn’t help if I needed it.”
It’s Not My Money
Additionally, OP noted that it was not her money. The amount in her college fund was mostly her mom’s money, and she “can’t just give it away.”
She knew her mom would also refuse to give them the money.
If Things Were Different
She noted that she’d feel bad if something terrible did happen to her half-brother. After all, he’s “just a little kid.”
OP said she’d be happy to help him with “her own money,” and she could only do so if she started her career debt-free.
Help Me, Mom
It’s too much for OP to take on by herself. So, she called her mom after their discussion, and she left work early, picked OP up, and they had coffee.
OP explained what happened, and her mom told her she could keep the fund “as is” or give her dad back the money he had contributed.
The Perfect Solution
For OP, the only thing that felt right was to give back what her dad contributed. So, after their coffee date, OP’s mom immediately withdrew the exact amount her dad gave over the years; she even matched the amount and added it to what she gave to OP’s dad.
OP’s mom handed the money over while she waited in the car. But instead of being grateful, he was upset because the money “wasn’t enough.”
She shared, “Mom told him that is all he’s going to get from her and threatened to take him to court if he and his wife keep harassing me.” Then, OP said she’d lessen her contact with her dad for now.
What Redditors Think
The community is appalled by how her dad acted.
“Not the a**hole. The money isn’t yours, firstly. It was allocated by your mother for a specific thing. You’re d*** right; you’re not getting the money back if you loan them. It was grossly inappropriate for our father to ask for money from you, who I presume is a minor,” wrote a top commenter.
One user said, “And frankly, this isn’t even OP’s concern. Her mother, the one who got cheated on, was the one to set aside the college fund. It’s her money. I can’t get over the fact his dad is trying to guilt OP out of his ex-wife’s money to pay for a surgery of a kid born from the woman he cheated with. I don’t blame the child; of course, he’s innocent, but man, those two have some nerve asking for the money that belongs to one they hurt. Not the a**hole, and don’t you dare let them mess with your future, OP.”
You Have a Great Mom
Some users commended OP’s mom for being selfless and graceful throughout everything.
This user said, “So much respect to OP’s mom for doing what she did. I would not release those funds to the child of my husband’s affair. I hope the child gets treatment, but not on her dime.” Another person commented, “I don’t blame the OP’s mother for not going for it. Her husband had an affair and kicked the OP and their mother out of the family home. The mother was pretty generous, agreeing that the father didn’t have to pay child support anymore.”
Did OP make the right decision? What would you do?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Cover Her Dad’s Affair Child’s Treatment Using Her College Fund. Now He and His Wife Are Furious, Trying to Guilt-Trip and Harass Her Into Giving Them Money! on Quote Ambition.