Her son came out as gay to one of his cousins, who then told everyone in the family. Now, her religious mother-in-law adamantly refuses to continue paying for her son’s college education!
Supportive Parents
OP (Original Poster), a 40-year-old woman, has a 19-year-old son who came out to her and her 40-year-old husband when he was only 14. OP and her husband are both atheists and support the LGBTQ community and are both proud of their son for coming out.
A Conservative Woman
However, OP’s mother-in-law is a devout Catholic and is highly “intolerant” of gay people. Aside from that, she is also wealthy, and from a young age, OP’s children were told that their college education would be paid for as long as they attended a private Christian or Catholic school.
She genuinely believes attending such schools would prevent her grandkids from partying, having premarital s**, and other things.
Her Money, Her Rules
OP disagreed with her mother-in-law and argued that getting the best education possible, regardless of the school’s religious affiliation, should be the priority. Still, her husband’s mother refuses to change her mind.
An Amazing Achiever
Because of this, OP’s son chose a Christian college one state over to attend. Since he graduated with a lot of college credit from taking many AP classes in high school, he will be done in three years compared to the usual four.
When OP posted this story, her son had just begun his second year in college, which had already been fully paid for.
Untrustworthy Cousin
Then, during the weekend of Labor Day 2022, OP’s son came home to celebrate his grandma’s birthday. He told one of his cousins that he was talking to a boy at his college, thinking he could be trusted, but that wasn’t the case.
OP wrote, “He seemed supportive, according to my son, but he told his mom and dad and my husband’s sister and her husband are just as religious as my mother-in-law and outed my son to her.”
Getting Himself Cut Off
Her mother-in-law was livid and called and informed her that she wouldn’t make any future payments toward OP’s son’s tuition fee. She also told her to relay the message to her son as his grandma would no longer speak to him.
OP noted, “I have told him many times not to come out to his grandma, cousins, aunt, or uncle until he was through with college. I hate that he can’t be himself, but my husband and I cannot afford his college.”
Enduring It for the Children
OP doesn’t like her mother-in-law and will be cutting ties once her other two kids, a 15-year-old girl, and a 13-year-old boy, get their chance to have their tuition fees paid for as well. She noted that her son is okay with her waiting to do so for the sake of his siblings.
OP added, “He will unfortunately have to take out student loans and eat the cost of his final year.”
Such Wrong Timing!
Obviously, OP’s son is devastated that his final year in college won’t be paid for and that his cousin is not someone he can trust. Now, he wants his parents to take care of the bill for the next school year.
Savings That Are Spoken For
OP and her husband have $25,000 saved up. However, they plan on using it for some much-needed kitchen renovations since their oven barely works, their dishwasher doesn’t work at all, and the kitchen itself is already worn down and outdated.
Renovations Versus Son’s Education
After her refusal, her son called her an “a**hole” for prioritizing kitchen remodeling over his education. OP and her husband explained to him that their kitchen was falling apart and they needed to fix it.
She wrote, “It’s much-needed and is nowhere near the cost of his tuition, so even if we postponed it, we would still be short as his private school is very expensive.”
He Can Deal With It!
OP feels like her son is already an adult and needs to be the one to deal with the consequences and not them as his parents.
So, she asked, “Am I the a**hole for not using our family’s savings to cover his remaining tuition?”
The Community’s Reactions
People’s opinions are mixed on the matter. Some believe OP’s the a**hole in the situation for getting mad at her son instead of the people who can’t accept him and let him deal with the consequences alone.
A Redditor said, “You’re the a**hole. Not because you can’t afford it and let your adult son figure it out, but for saying it was his fault he lost his money. In this entire post, you are more angry and disappointed in your son instead of your bigot parents. You are more angry at your child than at the little tattle-tale who vomited h********* at the first chance they got.”
The same person added, “Trying to hide yourself is so f****** hard, and you expected your son to not have any public relationships for years and years? You say, ‘I hate that he has to hide himself,’ but the moment he tripped up, you said, ‘Well, sucks to be you, now f*** off.’ You’re not as accepting as you seem.”
One Route He Could Go For
Some people suggested things that OP’s son could do so that he could continue studying.
“Not the a**hole. In truth, the problem is your bigoted mother-in-law, not you or your son. However, you just cannot give your son what you cannot afford. He will simply have to take out a student loan, but maybe he could transfer his credits to a state college, which would probably be less expensive. He could also possibly look at ways of paying back his loans through community service, like Teach America or the Americorps,” a commenter suggested.
It Wasn’t His Fault!
Some people pointed out that some of what OP said was misleading, just like how she said her son came out to the family.
Someone said, “Your title is high-key bulls***. He didn’t come out to his family. He came out to one person that he thought he could trust, and that person outed him to everyone else. Overall, though, I have to say not the a**hole. It’s understandable that you don’t want to dump your savings, and it’s understandable that he’s upset about losing his college.”
Something Everyone Should Understand
People of the LGBTQ community also shared their thoughts on OP’s and her son’s situation, suggesting how they can handle things with the loans and within the family.
A commenter wrote, “As a queer kid whose grandma changed her h********* views when it got clear how I’d be turning out—talking age five, here—not the a**hole. Make it clear you’ll co-sign any loans to get him a better interest rate. The university system is massively f*****, and I’d go a lot farther than hiding my identity to get my education paid for. Make sure your other kids understand what’s going on if they choose to continue to have a relationship with grandma.”
Do you think OP was wrong in this situation? What should she do?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Cover Her Gay Son’s College Tuition Fee After His Religious, Homophobic Grandmother Cut Him Off, Saying Their $25,000 Savings Were Meant for Kitchen Renovations! Was She Wrong? on Quote Ambition.
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