She was deeply against giving some of her money to her criminal brother. She has a family now, and she has seven kids; they’re far more important than him!
Brothers or Menaces?
OP (Original Poster), a 43-year-old woman, has 2 brothers: A, who’s 49, and J, who’s 47. She isn’t close to her brothers in the least, and she hasn’t spoken to them in years.
Both her brothers served time in prison and have criminal records and histories of drug abuse. They also have multiple children from multiple partners and never took care of any of them.
Could Have Been Better
But perhaps their childhood and upbringing played a big part in how they turned out. OP explained that she and her siblings were raised by their single mom, who, in OP’s words, “was simply too exhausted and probably too selfish to parent effectively.”
The Neglected Child
Their mother worked hard, but since OP was a good kid who got excellent grades and stayed out of trouble, she never got any attention and basically raised herself on her own.
On the other hand, OP’s brothers were always in trouble with the law since they were in middle school.
No Looking Back
So, as soon as OP became an adult, she moved out of state and “never looked back.” Although she still talked to her mom, it wasn’t the same with her brothers.
She wrote, “I didn’t have a relationship with my brothers. We would see each other once every five years, maybe when they’d be out of jail at the same time that I’d be visiting my mother, and those visits were always cordial, but we never kept in touch afterward.”
A Family of Her Own
Fortunately, OP didn’t let her past be a roadblock for a better future. Her life now is “stable,” and she has been married for almost 19 years; she has seven biological and adopted kids.
OP shared that she has “devoted” her life to serving children in foster care and is happy and content with everything.
Too Coddled
The same, however, could not be said about her brothers.
According to OP’s mother, A has a mental illness and cannot keep a job. For years, her mom paid her brother’s mortgage and even gave him money whenever he asked, but she said she had already stopped doing so.
Locked Up
On the flip side, J is serving a 16-year sentence in prison and has already served 4 of them. However, OP’s mom thinks he will be able to be released in just a few years.
One and Only Support System
Throughout everything that has happened, it’s pretty clear that OP’s family members and their dynamics are messy and complicated. It would have been so hard for a single mother like OP’s mom to handle everything on her own.
Thankfully, OP’s mother had an uncle named Paul, who had always been there to offer monetary and emotional support.
The Death of Their Source of Hope
Paul and his partner, Bill, were together for almost 70 years. Sadly, both of them had passed away before OP posted this story.
The two were extremely wealthy and had no children.
Only Source of Funds?
Paul and Bill were more than generous to OP’s family when they were alive. They were the ones who paid off her brother’s child support debts, gifted her with a downpayment for her house, sponsored her brothers going to military school when they were teenagers, and more.
OP noted, “We’re talking thousands upon thousands of dollars that they happily handed out to the family.”
Expensive Court Bills
OP’s brother, J, got in huge trouble right before Paul and Bill died, and they paid for his entire legal defense team. OP heard they paid between $250,000 and $500,000 in total, but she’s unsure if that’s true.
Direct Inheritors
Through a lawyer, OP’s family was informed that she, her mother, her cousin, and A were listed as beneficiaries of Paul and Bill’s trust. J wasn’t included as a beneficiary.
OP shared, “My mom, who is completely blind to any of J’s shortcomings and thinks he’s the ultimate victim, thinks that my uncles forgot to include J. I’m 99.9% certain they intentionally left J out because the money they spent on his defense was his inheritance.”
A “Necessary” Contribution
So, now, OP’s mother told her that she wants everyone to pitch in some of their estate money together and give it to J. To her, it was “so unfair that he was forgotten.”
On Top of Her Priorities
However, OP has seven kids, and her responsibility is to them and to make sure that their futures are more secure, not her brother’s. Her oldest child was also starting graduate school in the fall of the year she posted this, and she wanted to help with that.
To Wrong Her Mom
OP is opposed to giving J money, but she knows she’s definitely risking her relationship with her mother if she says no. OP shared that her mom is an “angry, bitter person by nature” and someone who doesn’t know how to have a rational conversation.
She added, “She’s a bully. I’ve had to work really hard to maintain a relationship with her all these years. So many times I’ve wanted to wash my hands off her completely, but she’s my mother, and I do love her.”
The Community’s Take on the Matter
People in the community said that if OP’s mom is adamant about giving J money from the inheritance he wasn’t included in, she should give hers instead of forcing everyone to spare some of theirs.
One person wrote, “Not the a**hole. J was clearly excluded because of his expensive defense. Your mom can do what she wants. You don’t have to.”
Another one added, “Why doesn’t the mom give all her inheritance to J? She wants to be an idiot and an enabler; she can do so herself.”
No Matter What
Other Redditors zoomed in on the fact that Paul and Bill were clear on their wills, and J wasn’t listed as a beneficiary. So, people think that OP and the others should respect the two’s wishes, and OP should keep the money and use it for what she desires.
A Redditor said, “They knew what they were doing in their wills. You need to respect their wishes. Use the money they gave you to take care of your kids. Don’t let anyone in your family gaslight or manipulate you.”
Someone else wrote, “Do you really want to keep that relationship with your mom? Like you said, she’s a bully! Don’t let her bully you into giving your brother anything. Your kids always come first! Even if you didn’t have kids, that’s your inheritance! Not the a**hole.”
What can you say about the situation? Do you think OP should give some of her inheritance to her brother, who’s in prison?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give a Portion of Her Inheritance to Her Criminal Brother. He Already Got His Share Through His $500,000 Defense Team, but Her Mom’s Insisting He’s Been “Forgotten!” on Quote Ambition.
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