This Redditor offered half of their inheritance to her sister, but to her surprise, she didn’t just want half, but all of it! Should she give in or not?
A Difficult Childhood
OP (Original Poster), a 25-year-old, and her sister, Ella, 31, had cut contact with their religious and abusive parents. In some ways, Ella’s relationship with them got worse when she came out as bis***** in high school and brought home a girlfriend.
Their parents were so mad that they kicked her out!
Inevitable Inheritance
When their mother died, Ella never got an inheritance. OP became the sole inheritor of everything.
Despite thinking about not accepting the money initially, she ultimately decided to keep it, saying, “I figured it’s the one good thing to come out of our abusive life, so why not?”
A Dreaded Visit?
A week after the legal part of things was finalized, Ella and her husband, John, came to see OP because they wanted to discuss something important. OP’s husband, Tom, was at work during this time, so she had to talk to them alone.
To Have a Child
While they were talking, Ella mentioned that she and her husband had been trying to have a baby, and they were having a tough time doing so. Sadly, she explained that they had “exhausted” all of their “fertility” money and didn’t have enough for another round of IVF.
At this point, OP could sense where the conversation was about to go.
In Need of One’s Sympathy
OP apologized for her sister’s situation and said that she understood. She explained that she and her husband had already thought about what to do, and they decided it was unfair that Ella received nothing.
She said, “I was thinking about this as well, and Tom thinks this is the right thing to do, too. You should have half of the money; you deserve it.”
What They Really Came For
However, OP was taken aback when she discovered the real reason behind their conversation. John told OP they wanted not just half but all of the money!
“Apparently, half won’t be enough,” according to OP.
Future Funds
Giving Ella everything wasn’t going to be easy. So, OP told them about her plans for the money and shared that she was planning to use her part of the inheritance for her daughter’s college fund and for expenses when she becomes a teenager.
If Ella does not want her half, OP was planning on using the rest of the money for her child, too.
What They Once Dreamed Of
Sentimentally, OP reminded her sister that they had always promised each other that their children would never experience the life they had growing up. They vowed never to let them live a life where they weren’t financially secure.
She wrote, “Where I live, college is extremely expensive, so despite my daughter being only three, Tom and I wanted to start this for her.”
Green With Envy
Ella got very upset with what OP told them. On the flip side, John was willing to discuss things further and perhaps come to a compromise.
Before they could, though, Ela started accusing OP of “rubbing the fact that she’s a mother to her face.”
Was It Even Love?
This ticked off OP, and she started getting mad, too. She thought her sister loved her daughter like her own child!
Misplaced Entitlement
As if it wasn’t enough, Ella also said that OP was “sabotaging” her. She told OP that she “owed her” because she looked after her when they were kids.
John also took the opportunity to insert himself into the conversation. OP wrote, “John said since Ella ‘faced more struggles,’ she deserved it all, despite knowing full well our parents hurt me regularly as well.”
The Urge to Make Them Leave
OP was not prepared to fight her sister. Her daughter required her attention, and she also needed Tom to be there because Ella was starting to get aggressive.
At some point, she asked her sister and her husband to leave and called Tom for help.
The Only Way to Settle This
After careful consideration and a heartful discussion, OP and her husband agreed they should not give Ella and John the money.
She and her sister talked on the phone, and Ella told OP that she and John are struggling with their relationship due to their frustration at being unable to have a child and that she must try IVF again. Although OP felt guilty, she told her sister she wouldn’t get the entire inheritance and hung up.
Is She the Bad Guy Here?
Though she’s not sure if she should feel guilty, she does.
She wrote, “I feel guilty about all of this now, but I don’t know if I should. Maybe since I don’t have an immediate use for the money, I should have given it to her. Am I an a**hole?”
What the Community Thinks
For Redditors, OP’s right in refusing to hand over 100% of the inheritance to her sister.
“You offered an equal split, and she went, ‘Nope, I want it all,’ and is trying to pull out every emotionally manipulative tool in the book to get what she wants. Seems she turned out more like her mother than she’d like to admit. You’re not the a**hole, and you should just flat-out tell her that if either she or John bring up wanting more than half ever again, they’ll get nothing,” a top commenter said.
Another said, “Not the a**hole. I think you were right and fair to offer to split the money with her, but in no way should she get all of it. This is the chance for you to ensure your child’s future, and, as her mother, it’s only right for you to do so. Ella can look for alternate ways to become a mother that doesn’t involve spending your part of the inheritance. Fertility problems are super unfortunate, but it doesn’t give her the right to take your daughter’s college money.”
It Was Only Right!
Redditors also agreed that what the OP did was best. They also commended her for how she handled her sister and her husband, even when they were getting aggressive.
One commented, “I just read this with my friend. She and her husband have been struggling with fertility for seven years. They have tried IVF two times. I asked her what her opinion was, and we both agreed. Not the a**hole. She doesn’t have a Reddit, but she wanted me to tell you that she would have been extremely grateful for even half and also would never accuse you of mentioning saving for your child’s future, rubbing in her face that you even have kids.”
The same Redditor added, “Struggling is hard, and it hurts when you have so many people who are able to have kids, but she said she enjoys getting to be involved with these kids’ lives. For me, I also agree with her. I have children, and I also have greedy siblings and family. If they pulled this with me, I would honestly just have no contact with them for a while.”
What do you think? Did the OP make the right decision?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Bi Sister All of the Inheritance She Received From Their Abusive, Religious Parents. Now She’s Accused of Being Selfish and “Sabotaging” Her Life! on Quote Ambition.
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