She’s tired of adjusting for her son’s wife whenever they go on a girls’ trip with her daughters. They can’t do anything and just spend half the day sitting, and she’s just full of it!
Bonding With the Girls
OP (Original Poster) is a mother of three girls, and they like to go on girls’ trips. Aside from that, she also has a son who got married to a woman named Beth.
Since they got married, OP would invite her along to their activities.
Never the Same
Before Beth had a child, she had an average weight. However, after she did, it was never the same again.
As OP wrote this story, her grandchild—Beth’s child—is already eight, and she still hasn’t lost the weight. OP wrote, “It’s bad enough that she needs constant breaks walking.”
OP had a good enough relationship with Beth at the beginning of her and her son’s relationship. However, now, that relationship is strained because of how Beth acts.
Everywhere they went, and whatever they did with Beth, she’d just constantly “complain” that she was tired.
Terrible Girls’ Day
The last time they went on a girls’ trip to the mall, they spent half a day sitting on a bench.
They can’t leave her either because if they did, Beth would go on and on about them “abandoning” her. To OP, it was simply “annoying!”
A Hindrance to Daily Activities
They have done many things that don’t wear out someone so quickly, but even small stuff makes Beth end up on the bench half of the day.
OP said, “We went to a small mall, half the day on the bench. It was window shopping.”
Because Beth suffers from obesity, her ankles are swollen from her weight.
OP wrote, “The connection between her weight and not walking far without a break is very obvious.”
Fun Day, Girls’ Day
Before sharing this story on Reddit, OP invited her daughters to go to a farm for a pumpkin patch and pick apples. It had big orchards, and they needed to walk a lot, so she decided not to invite Beth.
They had a great time when they went, and some pictures they took were posted on Facebook.
After that, OP received a call from Beth asking why she wasn’t invited. So, OP lied and said that it was just a family trip.
However, Beth didn’t believe her and accused her of lying.
It’s About Time She Knew
With that, OP’s had enough and told her daughter-in-law the truth: she wasn’t invited because of her weight!
OP added, “She forces us to stop all the time, and it ruins the trips most days since we don’t get to do half the stuff. She called me a ‘jerk’ and hung up.”
OP has been getting text messages from her son telling her to apologize. On the other hand, her daughters are on her side.
After all, they, too, were frustrated that their trips were being “ruined” for having to wait and stop for Beth all the time.
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Redditors think OP and her daughters shouldn’t have to be the only ones to adjust for Beth. Besides, she’s not entirely excluded from the family—only on trips she can’t handle.
The top commenter wrote, “At the risk of being called fatphobic, good for you. Not the a**hole. Why should your trips revolve around her? Why should you be forced to plan outings that are within your daughter-in-law’s step limit? Finally, you’re free to only invite your actual daughters to things, too.”
The same person added, “You aren’t blocking her from any and all family gatherings. She just got blocked from this one, which I hope is the first of many trips you and your daughters have been putting off for her sake. Get out there and see the world. It’s lovely.”
For other Redditors, both parties need to compromise. OP and her daughters should still include Beth in activities that don’t tire her much, and Beth should also be considerate of her in-laws.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. There needs to be balance. Beth needs to bow out of things that are too physically taxing for her, use mobility aids so that she doesn’t hold up the entire group, and not complain when others opt not to spend most of the activity time waiting on her.”
The same person added, “When you do include her in things, hopefully, you choose things that don’t require much walking, and when you do need to leave her, don’t cave to her whining. Tell her you love her and you’ll meet back up in 20 minutes or rotate who gets to sit with her. I think her attitude, more than her weight, is going to keep her excluded.”
Could’ve Been Better
Some people think that OP could’ve explained things to Beth better to make her understand that their issue isn’t about her being fat but her lack of fitness.
“Everyone sucks here. The problem isn’t her size per se; it’s her fitness. If it is size itself, then you are the a**hole. But what you complain about is that she can’t fully participate and holds you back. Fat people can be physically active,” one person said.
The same Redditor wrote, “Instead of telling her that her lack of fitness was the issue, you focused on her size. This was both hurtful and inaccurate unless you have been dishonest about your reasons, with us and possibly yourself. And your daughter-in-law was a bit over the top, probably because you hit a sore spot.”
Even overweight people shared their opinion on the matter and their journey to a healthier and fit life.
A commenter wrote, “So, I recently lost 60 pounds, 40 more to go. And not the a**hole. I can’t tell you how many places I couldn’t go to. How much walking I could do before I allowed my weight gain that I could no longer do. I could see how it affected things and friends, and I got so mad at myself. I was embarrassed and disgusted. I had a heart failure. I had pulmonary issues. I got off my a** and did something.”
The same user said, “For now, I’m bench-pressing 50 pounds. I ran five kilometers over the weekend, which was the first in three years. And I bike four times a week if I can. Sorry, but not the a**hole. I get having kids makes things harder. But she is not the first to go through this, and she won’t be the last. I got help. I swallowed my pride like a good little fat girl and got help. Maybe this will be her wake-up call.”
Was OP wrong for telling her daughter-in-law the truth? Do you think Beth’s weight is a huge issue?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Invite Her Obese Daughter-In-Law to “Girls’ Trips” Because of Her Weight. She Just “Complains” and Sits All Day, and They Get Nothing Done! Was She a “Jerk?” on Quote Ambition.