This mom refused to compromise with her daughter when it came to her biological dad. But this time, she feared she might be too unreasonable by keeping them apart when he was already dying.
Broken Family
OP (Original Poster) is a mom of a girl, Kelly, who will soon turn 17. However, her daughter’s biological dad left when she was only four.
Even so, he still tried his best to support his daughter. OP wrote, “It’s complicated, but despite him being away, he still sent money or had his family help from time to time.”
Her Father Figure
Despite her daughter’s biological dad’s assistance, OP struggled to raise her—until she met her current husband, Christopher.
He became like a dad to Kelly. OP said, “He’s the only father figure she had.”
Making Amends
At some point, OP found out her daughter had reconnected with her biological dad through her paternal grandmother. She said she wasn’t happy about it but didn’t make a fuss.
Getting Closer
Slowly, Kelly seemed to get closer to her biological dad. OP said, “She started mentioning him often, going to visit him while canceling plans to hang out with us, etc.”
Kelly justified her actions and said she was doing so because her dad was sick, and it was probably terminal. OP, on the other hand, said Kelly might not understand what it meant because “she’s a child.”
17th Birthday Party
OP and Christopher were planning Kelly’s 17th birthday party at their house, and she told OP that she’d like to have her biological dad present on that day.
She said that he might not be around next year anymore.
A Firm Refusal
Christopher told Kelly no immediately. OP wrote, “He said he won’t let that man come into his house.”
This, in turn, made Kelly cry and say that they were “robbing her of a last chance to make memories with her dad after finally finding him again.”
Uncomfortable Position
OP also told Kelly that she didn’t feel comfortable having him come to the house and be in the same room as him.
Issues Left Unresolved
On the other hand, Kelly’s stepsister believed OP and Christopher were overreacting. It was clear to her that Kelly wanted her dad to be there.
Christopher left the house, and OP snapped at her daughter. She even threatened to cancel the whole thing!
Mom’s Suggestion
When OP had calmed down, she reached out to Kelly and tried to talk. She suggested that Kelly go to celebrate with her dad.
However, she said her friends and their parents wouldn’t be able to attend. She also couldn’t throw a birthday party where he was staying because he was sick.
Calm Before Another Storm
The calm didn’t last for long, as OP and Kelly had another argument. Kelly started ignoring OP and Christopher and only stayed in her room.
OP said, “She’s saying she won’t forgive me if I let her dad miss what could be her last birthday with him.”
Was I Being Unreasonable?
OP said she saw Kelly’s point that she might not have another chance to share her birthday with her dad. She added, “Christopher and I might be blowing this thing up.”
What Redditors Think
For most of the community, OP and Kelly’s situation is just sad.
“As much as she wants to see her father, you are well within your rights to not want to see him. I can understand how incredibly jarring that could be for you. However, in your situation, the good thing to do would be to suck it up and let her see her father. It’s her biological dad; this is what she wants. I’m going with no a**holes here due to the horrible situation that this is, and I understand it puts pressure on you and your husband. But please listen to your daughter. She may never forgive you. This is clearly important to her,” said a top commenter.
Think Things Through
People also reminded OP that Kelly isn’t a child anymore.
One said, “She still treats the girl like a child—that’s why she said she’s still a child. I understand she doesn’t wanna see him, but potentially ruining her relationship with her dad might permanently damage the relationship.”
You’re Looking Down on Her
Redditors also called OP out for belittling Kelly.
One said, “She is also old enough to know what terminal means, so I think that is rude of you to suggest she doesn’t.” Another wrote, “Yeah. Saying a 16-year-old is a child and doesn’t understand what ‘terminal’ means is incredibly condescending. Said 16-year-old says this may be her last birthday with bio dad. Sounds like she knows exactly what ‘terminal’ means.”
What do you think about what OP and Christopher did? What advice would you give OP?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Let Her Daughter Invite Her Biological Dad to Her Party and Threatened to Cancel It, Even With His Terminal Illness. Was She Being Unreasonable? on Quote Ambition.
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