This user refused to let her stepdad, or as she put it, her mom’s “affair partner,” walk her down the aisle. She felt like she was disrespecting her biological dad’s memory by doing so!
Not a Good Start
OP (Original Poster) is a 27-year-old woman with a 25-year-old half-sister. Her mother had cheated on her father when they were married, which resulted in a pregnancy and her half-sister being born.
A New Family
Due to the pregnancy, OP’s mom ended up marrying the man she had an affair with. The marriage didn’t happen until after a DNA test confirmed his paternity as her half-sister, and OP didn’t think he would’ve married her mom if it hadn’t.
OP’s dad and mom shared custody of her until she was eight. Just before her birthday, her biological father died in an accident.
Sadness and Misery
The accident had occurred while OP had been in her father’s custody, so she had seen him the day of the accident. The aftermath left her destroyed, and she ended up having to go and live with her mother.
A Tense Relationship
OP had always known about the issues between her mother and father, as well as between her father and stepfather. She knew about everything because her mom’s sister was very open about the situation and never missed an opportunity to call her mother and her “affair partner” out about it.
Rebuilding a Family
Her mother stayed married to her stepfather, and he did his best to raise OP. OP even said that she thinks he loves her and claims her as his other daughter.
Despite his efforts, OP doesn’t see him as her father or stepfather.
She said, “I still see him as not my dad and as the person who slept with my mom and got her pregnant while she was married to my dad.”
Civil but Distant
The result of her feelings had been that her stepfather had never been able to take on the fatherly role in her life. Even now, when they meet, she is civil but not close to her mother or stepfather.
While she knows that her half-sister is not to blame for what happened, OP doesn’t have a close relationship with her. OP tried maintaining a sibling relationship with her, but they never bonded.
A New Chapter
When OP got engaged to be married, her sister told her that she couldn’t wait for “their father” to walk her down the aisle. That is when OP decided to tell her she would never let him walk her down the aisle.
In fact, they weren’t even invited to the wedding! She wrote, “They won’t be invited, and I have not told them. But I really have nothing to do with them now, so I expect they will figure it out.”
After she told her, OP’s sister brought up the fact that her father had been in OP’s life longer than her biological father had. OP said it didn’t matter, and she still viewed him as her mother’s affair partner.
The Past Is Now
Her sister told her it had been 26 years ago, and OP agreed it had been a long time. She didn’t remember the cheating, but she was not going to reward her stepfather and disrespect her father’s memory.
You Know What?
The way OP felt about her stepfather and mother made OP’s sister question her feelings since she felt so pessimistic about their mother, especially her sister’s father.
She told OP that she should appreciate her stepfather more for trying to be a good dad, even though she had always “treated him like s***.”
The Community’s Two Cents
OP wanted to know if what she was doing was wrong and commented that she had no intention of inviting her mom or stepfather to her wedding. The community came back on OP’s side and had a lot to share about it.
One Redditor noticed that she had never referred to her mother’s partner as her “stepfather,” saying, “I know this is about your conversation with your sister, but have you informed your mother or your sister’s father—I don’t see stepdad anywhere, so I am taking it that you don’t call him that either—that he will not be walking you down the aisle? Will they be invited to the wedding? Not the a**hole. Choose who you want to walk you down the aisle. Put a picture up of your biological dad for remembrance if you like.”
Another Redditor chimed in, saying, “Not the a**hole. It’s exhausting when people demand that they be honored for roles they don’t occupy. Walk yourself, have someone you love walk you, shoot, you can walk down the aisle with a pet alligator if you want. She had a different life experience than you, and she doesn’t get to dictate how you feel nor that you owe some debt of gratitude to your mother’s husband.”
Redditors also said that it was OP’s right to want to honor her biological father over a man she doesn’t view as her stepfather.
One Redditor noted that the time you spend with someone doesn’t change their place in your life. He said, “Not the a**hole. Your sister is acting like your dad walked away and abandoned you, and her dad stepped up in his absence to ‘do a good thing.’ But he didn’t leave you. He died. That means his place isn’t vacant. He is and always will be your dad, and no amount of ‘time served’ by your stepdad can take away that your dad is your dad. Add in the fact that your mum and stepdad hurt him with their affair, and yeah, your stepdad may well have been good, but he doesn’t get to take your dad’s place on such an emotional day.”
What do you think about OP holding a grudge for so long? Should she invite her mother and stepfather to her wedding, even if she doesn’t want him to walk her down the aisle?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Let Her Mom’s “Affair Partner” Walk Her Down the Aisle. Her Biological Dad Had Already Passed Away, but She’ll Never Consider a Cheater as Her Father! on Quote Ambition.