Her fiancé’s stepdad is the kind of father she never had—a man her dad will never be. Would it be so bad for her to have a magical moment with someone she admires?
A Wedding in Motion
OP (Original Poster) and her fiancé have been in a relationship for six years. Their wedding is also scheduled for May 2024.
Both OP and her fiancé came from broken families, but thankfully, her fiancé’s stepdad was able to mend her partner’s brokenness.
The Only Parent Left
OP’s fiancé’s stepfather wed his mom when he was three and raised him like his own. When he was a teenager, his mother sadly died of breast cancer.
The Father That He Is
After that, his stepdad let him live with him until he was 26 and even trained him to be a mechanic like himself.
OP wrote, “I have a lot of respect for his stepdad raising a child that’s not his own and helping us both when we needed it.”
Her fiancé’s stepdad even co-signed for their first home because neither she nor her fiancé had regular jobs and income. When they bought the place, OP’s partner and his stepfather did all the renovations.
For him, he is just incredible for all he’s done for them. He also lives with four rescue dogs, which shows off his good nature.
OP shared that she is Chinese-American, so a stepdad being as close as one’s biological father is simply incomprehensible. It’s not part of her culture, so it’s something she never really imagined could happen.
She wrote, “But I can see that they are close as if they were blood-related.”
Stepdad Versus Dad
On the other hand, OP’s biological father is a deadbeat. He dated her mother when they were young and left when she was born.
He didn’t give any financial support to them, and her mom never asked him for it. “Which is crazy, if you ask me,” said OP.
No Room for Her Here
Later on, when she became an adult, OP found out that her father never wanted her. Her mom did, though, and in some ways, she felt guilty because he wanted her to abort OP.
OP wrote, “So, it’s not like he wanted me to exist.”
Distinct Difference Between the Two
During her childhood, her dad visited her several times, but he never let them see his other family. OP has half-siblings she only met when she got older.
Growing up, OP and her mom were quite poor and received government aid. When she got older, she realized her half-siblings were raised in a middle-class home while she and her mom suffered for very little reason.
I’d Rather Not Have You There
Because of this, OP has no inclination whatsoever to want her father to walk her down the aisle. He offered to do so when he learned about her upcoming nuptials, but OP “rudely declined.”
What Does Family Even Mean?
She was also angry at her mom for telling her father, but her mother thinks she should forgive him and let him do the honors. Her mother said that no matter how much her fiancé’s stepdad helped, he wasn’t family.
However, OP wrote, “I don’t consider my biological father a family either.”
Not Something a Mother Should Do
For clarification, OP shared that she asked her mom to walk her down the aisle. Still, she declined, saying it’s a man’s responsibility.
OP added, “But she doesn’t want my fiancé’s stepdad to. She thinks no matter what my biological father did, he is my father, so he should.”
Her mother thinks having her stepdad walk her down the aisle is a bad idea. In her opinion, “blood will always be blood,” and OP’s biological father is still her dad even though he was never there for her.
The Community’s Thoughts
For Redditiors, it’s OP’s wedding, so she can choose and do whatever she pleases. If she wants her partner’s stepfather to walk her down the aisle, then so be it.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole, but it doesn’t sound like anyone is calling you an a**hole for this. It’s your wedding; have who you want there.”
Another one said, “Not the a**hole. Tell your mom to take a hike. Your wedding, your decision, your rules. Walking a bride down the aisle is an honor, not an expectation. Your biological father did nothing to earn that honor. I am so glad you found a man with a nice father—yes, he is his father—who can walk you down the aisle at your wedding. Best wishes and happy wedding!”
Other users noted that if they followed the logic of tradition, OP’s father would still not be eligible to walk OP down the aisle as he was never a dad to her.
“The tradition of your father walking down the aisle with you is to release you from his care to the groom, to ‘give the bride away.’ Your father never ‘had’ you. He’s not the right person to walk you down the aisle. Rightfully would be the ‘father figure,’ but absent, that would be the next best thing. Not the a**hole. Trust me, if my absentee father tried to get me to let him walk down the aisle if he was lucky to be invited at all, I’d react the same way,” a Reddit user said.
Have That Wonderful Moment!
On the flip side, Redditors found OP’s narration of her fiancé’s stepdad moving and beautiful. They said she should just ignore her mother and follow what her heart wants.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Oh my God, that is such a wonderful story about your boyfriend’s dad. I think he deserves the dad title instead of stepdad. It makes total sense to let him walk you down the aisle. The moment is about love, and what better way to display it than with him walking you down the aisle?”
The same person added, “Ignore your mom. She grew up in a culture that ingrained into her mind that she is a doormat and, unfortunately, doesn’t understand that it’s not a good way to live. You can tell her that you refuse to eat bitter and want a better life than what your deadbeat father gave the two of you.”
What can you say about OP’s situation? Should she pursue what she wants?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Let Her Deadbeat Biological Father Walk Her Down the Aisle and Chose Her Fiancé’s Stepdad Instead. “Blood Is Blood,” but He Abandoned and Never Wanted Her! on Quote Ambition.