This user has a bad relationship with her father because he wasn’t around much and cheated on her mother. Now she’s getting married and is torn between banning or inviting him to her wedding!
As far back as OP (Original Poster) could remember, her mom and dad had always had “bad blood.”
She later discovered it was because he was cheating and abusive. Her father was also “in and out” of her life while she was growing up.
A Happy Life
OP and her family moved on, with her mom remarrying. Thankfully, OP’s stepdad was the opposite of her biological father.
He has always been there to help raise her and has loved and respected her mother.
The Upcoming Wedding
Despite having a rough relationship with her father, she’s not lacking a father figure. OP loves her stepfather, and they get along well.
With the wedding coming up, she made it clear to everyone involved that her stepfather would walk her down the aisle.
No Space for Dad
OP also made it clear to her biological father that he shouldn’t attend the wedding due to the bad blood and complicated matters he and his mom have. At first, he claimed to understand and didn’t want to cause a problem.
A Change of Heart
However, soon after that, OP’s biological father changed his mind and wanted to attend the wedding. Instead of discussing things with OP, he made OP’s sister text her stepdad, saying he wanted to be at the wedding.
He also said he was “okay” with him walking OP down the aisle as if permission was in his hands.
This immediately caused a problem because the stepfather knew of the abuse and cheating. He dislikes OP’s biological father so much!
In fact, OP said, “For more context, my stepfather has always said that if he ever sees my biological father, it’s hands on sight.”
Though OP was upset with her sister for following her biological father’s demands, she understood how manipulative and persuasive he could be, so she let things go. When talking to OP’s sister and stepdad didn’t work, her biological father reached out to her directly.
But OP told him no. She wrote, “I replied saying no because my mother isn’t comfortable with it, and I don’t want her not to come to my wedding if he does.”
Start of His Guilt-Tripping
Furious, her biological dad started guilt-tripping her, saying his wife wanted to go. But OP didn’t reply since she was at work.
Because of her lack of response, OP’s dad started to “cuss her out,” saying that if she didn’t invite him, he’d “cut her out of the will” and “make sure” she’s also cut out of her grandmother’s will. OP said, “Again, I didn’t reply due to being at work. This is also happening less than two weeks after my great grandma passed away.”
Since OP still didn’t respond, her dad resorted to slandering her mom and the man who raised her. He called them “petty, broke a****.”
At this point, OP believed her dad was already drunk, so she deliberately didn’t respond.
However, she did reach out to her paternal grandmother to ensure she was okay and “not too stressed.”
The Unexpected Ally
She also apologized for any behavior being “taken out on her.”
OP wrote, “Turns out he told her that if she goes to my wedding, she is dead to him as well. This was all done because my sisters, grandma, and I all decided to ignore him and not feed into it at all.”
Getting More People Involved
Unfortunately, OP’s dad is not done pestering her. Instead of doing it himself, however, he had his wife text OP’s family members, demanding they share the reason behind them not receiving an invite.
OP was once again frustrated that she reached out to others and not to her directly. After all, she hasn’t blocked any of them—yet.
Her stepmom has also been hounding OP, calling her “rude” and “selfish.” Her dad’s second wife also mentioned that her other paternal relatives were invited, and they weren’t, but OP argued that she saw them more than she did her dad while growing up.
Then, OP added, “She also stated how many people are from divorced families and that they don’t act this way and that we are being immature and that my biological dad should be allowed to come since I’m his biological daughter, and that the man who has always been there for me should stay home and when his own son gets married, then he can go to that wedding.”
Standing Her Ground
OP is very conflict-averse, but she hadn’t relented on this. Despite multiple manipulative attempts, she is convinced that nothing good will come from her father being at her wedding.
Her family is standing with her, going so far as to hire security in case her father shows up at the wedding. All this is done so that OP can have a normal, peaceful, and happy wedding.
What Redditors Think
The community was very supportive of OP, with many chiming in with their thoughts and advice.
One said, “Not the a**hole. This is your wedding; it is up to you—and your fiancé—who you choose to spend time with on this special day. Your father chose his course years ago. You weren’t a high priority then; it’s no surprise that this is reciprocated years later! Enjoy your special time, and congratulations!”
“I find it very ironic that horrible people who treat family members like dirt always complain about how unfair things are when they get excluded from family events. You are not the a**hole for not inviting your biological father to your wedding, and extra security is a great idea. That way, you won’t have to worry that he’ll get in and ruin things. Have a wonderful wedding, and enjoy your perfect day with your soon-to-be husband and your family,” said another.
The Wedding Will Go On
Others noted that it was too late for OP’s dad to make amends. If he wanted to be invited to his daughter’s wedding, he should have made even the smallest attempt to fix their relationship.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole; if he wanted to come to your wedding that bad, he should have been an involved parent in the first place. He and his wife need to back up because, at the end of the day, it is your day, and they are not entitled to be a part of it if you do not want them to be. Do not feel obligated to invite them because they are trying to strong-arm you into doing so. And their reaction to you not giving in and inviting them speaks volumes regarding why you should not invite them to begin with.”
Someone said, “Absolutely not the a**hole, but your sperm donor sure the f*** is. There is no point in allowing someone who will only bring conflict to one of the most stressful but happy days of your life. You don’t need that, nor does anyone else there. Also, taking care to be conflict-avoidant can be a good thing, but don’t let others push you over just to make it easier. Good luck, OP.”
Does OP even need a reason not to invite her father? What do you think?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Abusive, Cheating Father From Her Wedding. But Now He’s Harassing and Cursing at Her, Threatening to Cut Her off the Will! Was She Being “Rude” and “Selfish?” on Quote Ambition.