This new mom faced opposition from her family when she refused to name her baby after her sister, who bullied her for years. When she did, she was accused of being the bad sister!
OP and Jenn
OP (Original Poster) and Jenn are sisters who were never close, mainly because of Jenn’s attitude and their parents’ favoritism toward her.
Jenn’s Health Problems
Jenn had a cleft lip which she had to correct through surgery, had lazy eyes, would probably not be able to conceive a child in the future, and had other minor health problems. These are precisely why OP and Jenn’s parents baby her.
OP then shared that she was miserable for most of her life.
She said, “All throughout my life, I have been forgotten about. My parents have forgotten to come to my school plays or my basketball games, have forgotten to pick me up from them, have not gotten me gifts for my birthday but gotten Jenn stuff.”
Effects of Favoritism
OP could live through all of those things and accept them because she knew it was the effect of their parents’ favoritism toward Jenn. However, the problem is that Jenn takes pleasure in how their parents treat OP.
She shared, “She uses my parents’ favoritism against me.”
Traumatic Events in Her Childhood
Sadly, their parents’ favoritism didn’t end there. OP gave examples of other heartbreaking things she went through as a child.
She mentioned, “She had once cut a big chunk of my hair because a guy she liked asked me out—which I declined—and when I told my parents about it, all she had to do was cry, and they started feeling bad for her and forgot that she ever cut my hair. And on another occasion, I worked my butt off to convince my parents to allow me to have a pet dog when I was, like, 14; I got a lapdog and paid for him all by myself. My sister fell in love with him and convinced my parents to give him to her.”
News of a Baby Girl
Fast forward a couple of years, OP is pregnant and expects to have a baby girl. Jenn became obsessed with the idea of becoming an aunt once she found out about the news.
Since then, Jenn has started buying things for her daughter, giving OP instructions on how to set up and decorate the nursery, and making a list of names she should name her daughter.
Imagine the surprise on OP’s face when she found out one of the names Jenn suggested was her own name! OP said, “She even brought a little onesie that says, ‘Mini Jenn’ and told me that’s what I’m gonna be naming my daughter.”
No Way Will I Ever Do That!
OP immediately told Jenn that she would never name her daughter after her. She further explained that she only remained in contact with her because they were sisters!
Jenn then told OP that she has every right to name her daughter because she “allowed” OP to date her crush. OP then explained that what Jenn said was simply ridiculous.
She said Jenn never told her she liked him—not until they were already engaged. OP also mentioned Jenn always commented how ugly he was and didn’t express an inkling of her feelings toward him.
You’re Being Selfish!
After her argument with Jenn, OP receives a call from their parents, who accuse her of being selfish.
They also reminded OP that her sister would never be able to have children, which is why she should “just give her this one. “
Questions in OP’s Mind
Apart from being selfish, she was also accused of hurting her sister’s feelings. So, OP asked, “Am I the a**hole for not allowing my sister to name my daughter after her?”
What Redditors Think
Redditors told OP not to fret because she’s not wrong for standing her ground. They even advise her to go “no contact” from now on.
One of the top comments was, “Definitely time to go NC with all of them. With the way her sister manipulates her parents, the only surefire way to go NC with her sister is to go NC with them too. The first chance they get, they will bring the baby to her sister ‘since she’ll never know the joy of having her own child.’”
Secure and Protect Your Child
People were also concerned about Jenn’s possible mental instability and the possible role their parents might play should things ever go south.
A forensic psychologist on the thread said, “The line where OP stated her parents said she ‘should give her sister this child’—that line gave me a double meaning. Either it meant that OP had to physically give up this child to her sister to appease her, or keep the child but allow her sister to have 99% of say over the child.”
Make Things Clear
Someone also gave OP an idea of what to say to their parents about this issue.
An excerpt that greatly put things into perspective was, “Jenn can’t have kids, that’s unfortunate, but she can’t have mine to compensate, and that’s the reality. It’s not my job—but especially not my baby’s job—to be her emotional support animal. Get her another puppy she can name after herself. But my baby and any babies after are entirely off-limits. That is not negotiable because I don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists.”
What else could OP have done better? How would you approach this scenario if you were in her shoes?
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