This woman’s world was turned upside down when she lost her husband and found out he had a pregnant mistress. Still, she did her best to help, but they kept asking for more!
In Need of an Outsider’s Perspective
OP (Original Poster) prefaced her post by saying she found herself in an “unusual situation.” She needs an outside perspective but wants to maintain anonymity, so she turned to Reddit.
The Affair
Eighteen years before this story was posted, OP’s husband died. Then, at his funeral, it was revealed that he had a pregnant mistress over 10 years younger than her.
She wrote, “Obviously, I didn’t just take the woman’s word for it and stated that she wouldn’t get a cent until there was a DNA test. When it was proven true, I was devastated.”
Doing What Was Right
Even though OP was gutted, she made sure to do her best to do right by her husband’s affair child. So, she set up a trust fund for the child for college.
She even let them live in one of her rental properties in a good area rent-free until the child turned 18. All her husband’s mistress had to do was pay for utilities.
Voluntary Decision
OP explained that the property she let them stay in was not conjugal. It was an inheritance from her side of the family, and it was solely in her name.
Her husband had no legal ownership of it at the time of his death.
Financial Discussion
OP and her husband were only in their 30s when he passed away, and since he died in an accident, there was no will.
She shared, “My husband had a life insurance policy that named me as the primary beneficiary, and then our children, a house that wasn’t paid off yet, $20,000 worth of his own savings, and 2 cars that were both in our names but also wasn’t paid off at the time of his death. His mistress could’ve sued, but it wouldn’t have been much.”
Setting Boundaries
Since she didn’t have a lot of options, OP’s husband’s mistress agreed to the terms of their living arrangements. Then, OP made it clear to her that she wouldn’t do anything else for her or the child; the college fund and their home were enough.
She wrote, “I also made it clear that I wouldn’t take on the responsibility of fostering a relationship between our children and that it would be my husband’s side of the family’s job.”
More Financial Support
Twelve years after this, OP’s husband’s affair child got sick and needed medical treatment. Unfortunately, her husband’s mistress didn’t have enough money for what her insurance wouldn’t cover, so she reached out to OP for financial support.
However, OP only reminded her about the terms of their agreement 12 years ago. She told her husband’s mattress to borrow money from relatives for assistance instead.
You’re a Monster!
Her husband’s mistress said her credit wasn’t good enough for a loan, and she didn’t have anyone else to borrow money from. OP still didn’t budge, and the woman started getting increasingly upset.
OP wrote, “She accused me of being a monster for not helping a child in need.”
Another Option
OP then reminded her that she had already helped her child by setting up a college fund, and she told the woman that she could use some of that money for the costs if she really needed it.
Her husband’s mistress agreed, and her child pulled through.
A Measly Amount
Six years later, her husband’s affair child had already turned 18 and was preparing to attend college in the fall of 2021. Her husband’s mistress again reached out to her about the college fund.
She was upset when she found out the amount was “much less” than initially agreed upon. OP wrote, “I reminded her it was less because some of the money was used for the medical bills and that I never said I would put the money back in.”
Changes in Their Living Arrangements
OP also informed the woman that she would start charging them rent the following year since her child had already turned 18. So, she would either need to start paying rent or move out.
She noted, “I didn’t care that she was upset because I was always straightforward about the situation.”
Furious In-Laws
However, OP’s mother-in-law and sister-in-law don’t share the same sentiments. They’re telling OP that she’s being unfair to the child.
OP doesn’t see it that way, though, since her husband’s mistress had at least six years to figure things out when she first tapped into the college fund.
It’s Easy for Them to Say
In an edit, OP explained that her mother-in-law and sister-in-law don’t know the full details. However, they did know that OP’s wealthy enough to pay for her husband’s mistress’ child to go to a “decent four-year” school.
They, on the other hand, can’t help out as they don’t have that kind of money.
The Community’s Thoughts
To put it simply, Redditors think that OP’s husband’s mistress, her mother-in-law, and her sister-in-law are all way out of line.
A top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Blows my mind how much family members love to say it’s unfair when they’re not willing to lift a finger to help. Every time anyone mentions it to you from now on, say, ‘You’re more related to her than I am. You pay.’ Literally, just repeat yourself. Expected to pay for the mistress’s kid’s college—unbelievable!”
Another wrote, “I came here to say this: she should’ve been putting away ‘rent’ money for a rainy day. You did more than I ever would’ve. I wouldn’t have let her stay in my rental property, kid or not. You don’t owe either of them anything. You went above and beyond. You can walk away at this point, and I would. Not the a**hole and not your problem.”
She’s Greedy and Unreasonable
Others noted that OP’s husband’s mistress had already had it easier than most single moms out there since OP let her and her child live off of her rent-free for almost two decades!
“She had it easier than other single mothers. She didn’t have to worry about rent, which is the biggest problem for many single mothers,” wrote one woman.
This Redditor exclaimed, “OP, you’re a much better woman than I am! Eighteen years rent-free?”
What do you think of the issue OP’s facing? What would you do if you were in her shoes?
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This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Replenish the College Fund She Created for Her Late Husband’s Affair Child. She’d Already Supported Them for 18 Years, but She’s Still Accused of Being a “Monster!” on Quote Ambition.
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