This Redditor’s dad has no idea that her mom cheated on him and that she’s the fruit of that affair. Now she’s lost and doesn’t know what to do!
Trouble in Paradise
OP (Original Poster), a 35-year-old woman, found out that her 63-year-old dad wasn’t her biological father. She confirmed it in 2013, but everything started in 2018, 5 years before this story was posted.
She explained, “My parents have been married since 1983. They were very young, and honestly, I don’t think either one was ready for such a commitment, but that is beyond the point.”
Opening a Can of Worms
In 2018, OP and the rest of her family got 23 and Me DNA Kits for Christmas. She got the results in 2019, but “nothing crazy” was revealed.
She wrote, “I was matched immediately with my mom but had a big question mark for Dad.”
Brushing Things Off
OP believed it was “weird” that her dad didn’t come up. However, when she questioned her parents about it, her mom said it was because her dad got his profile “blocked.”
Since she didn’t know a lot about how everything worked and the explanation seemed legitimate, she believed it. She added, “My mom controls both hers and my dad’s accounts because my dad isn’t tech-savvy.”
Birthday Bombs Dropped
Years after that, on her 35th birthday, OP was clearing out one of her social media email accounts when she saw a message from 23 and Me, the DNA kit company. It said that she had a second cousin who wanted to connect.
She decided to log on and wrote that she saw “20 new notifications of DNA matches and messages going back to 2021.”
Shocking Sibling Discovery
OP clicked on the messages and discovered, to her amazement, that she had a half-brother. According to the messages, he had tried to connect with her the year before.
The first thing that she thought was that he was her “dad’s b****** son.” Her mom had spent their whole lives telling her and her siblings that their dad was a cheater and that he might have other children out there somewhere.
Revealing the Sickening Truth
OP started messaging her half-brother, who disclosed that he had “grown up with his biological father.”
Confused, she started to dig a little deeper and discovered that she has lots of family she shares with her half-brother that she didn’t know about.
Agonizing Wait for Confrontation
OP wanted to confront her mom immediately, but her parents were traveling, so she had to wait until they got home.
When she was finally able to confront her mom, she confessed to cheating on her dad but didn’t believe that “anything had come from those affairs.” She also divulged that her dad still had no idea about what she had done.
Begging for Answers
During their conversation, she asked her mom about her biological father. Her mom kept it vague, saying that “she had met a lot of people through work and that it was nothing serious.”
OP’s mom was adamant that it was “just a friend she used to go to for male attention.” This prompted OP to ask about her older sister, and her mom confessed that she didn’t even know if they were biological sisters, let alone her dad’s daughter.
Absolutely Heartbroken for Dad
Understandably, OP is utterly heartbroken for her dad. She loves her dad and knows that this will break his heart.
Along with being heartbroken, she is torn. Her mom warned her that if she went public with this, it would “break many hearts.”
Putting the Onus on Mom
OP “hated” that her mom put the responsibility and guilt of coming clean on her. So, she told her mom she needed her to think about this as well.
OP said it would be her mom’s choice about when and how her dad and younger siblings will find out.
No More Missed Chances
Then, she told her mom that she wanted to get to know the half-siblings she never knew she had.
She wrote, “My dad deserves to know, but I am scared of breaking up my family.”
OP knows that she told her mom she must decide when to confess everything, but she still regrets not telling her dad as soon as she learned the truth.
She shared, “I feel like an a**hole for not telling my dad right away. What should I do? Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors’ Thoughts on the Issue
Redditors don’t believe that OP is the a**hole for not telling her dad. Instead, they think that the blame lies solely on the mom.
The top commenter said, “Mom is a manipulative piece of s***. Cheated, had a child on her husband twice—yes, he loves you, but it was wrong on her part—and then tries to emotionally manipulate you into feeling bad about her revealing her secrets to your dad.”
“Not the a**hole. You are dealing with uncharted territory caused by your mom. It does not matter that you didn’t tell your dad right away. However, please know that taking your time to decide what to do is making a decision. You are, for now, deciding not to say anything,” commented another user.
Both Sides of the Fence
While commenters believe that OP is blameless in this situation and not the a**hole for keeping everything from her dad, some think that she should tell him.
One Redditor wrote, “Honestly, an easier question to ask yourself might be if and when your dad finds out, and he finds out that you didn’t tell him, he’s going to feel betrayed by his own child, and that will definitely destroy any chance of a relationship. Currently, you’re an innocent party. If you don’t tell him, then you’ll be an accomplice.”
Someone else countered this statement, saying, “This is not her responsibility. Her mom needs to do it now that her secret is out.”
Redditors were also appalled by how OP’s mom tried to make her husband the villain when, in reality, he was the victim!
One said, “Not to mention she apparently told her children that their dad was the cheater. What the f***?”
A woman replied, saying, “We all know how those cheaters like to project their actions onto others.”
Was OP right not to tell her dad? Would you tell him everything?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Tell Her Dad That Her Mom Cheated On Him and She’s Not His Biological Daughter, Fearing She’d “Break Up” Their Family. What Should She Do? on Quote Ambition.