Her fiancé’s mother had so much to say about the wedding preparations as if trying to dismiss the traditional Indian ceremony they wanted. It’s obvious that she’s being blatantly racist!
Love Knows No Race
OP (Original Poster), a 26-year-old woman, is Indian, and Colin, her fiancé of the same age, is White. Their ethnicities never really caused problems for them, and they’ve been together for four years.
Just the Way It Is
She and her fiancé’s 46-year-old mother aren’t particularly close, but that didn’t cause any wild encounters like the posts OP has seen on multiple platforms.
A Hand in the Preparations
As a nice gesture, OP decided to include his mother in planning her wedding, thinking she could help out a bit.
Then, as a side note, OP mentioned that since Colin’s parents have significant debt, her parents are paying for most of the wedding.
Due to their backgrounds, OP and Colin have already decided that they were going to incorporate the traditional Indian wedding into their own beforehand.
Against Colored Clothing
However, OP’s fiancé’s mother constantly criticized everything she said was included in the wedding, such as her wearing a red lehenga choli because “white was the symbol of holy matrimony.” But in Indian culture, white is the color of mourning.
She also hated that her son would wear a sherwani and OP would have her matha patti on.
A Say About Everything
Her future mother-in-law also complained about how “clunky” OP’s jewelry was for the ceremony. Aside from that, she had a lot to say about the tablecloths’ designs, the arrangement of flowers, how many people from OP’s family were attending, and more.
Not the Hair of a Bride
For Colin’s sake, OP tried to resist but eventually lost it when his mother told her that her hair was “unruly” and “unfit” for a bride. This was after she decided not to straighten it for the ceremony when she invited her and her 23-year-old sister, Saira, to look at potential hairstyles.
Watch Your Mouth!
So, OP told her future mother-in-law that if she said one more thing about the wedding, she’d be uninvited. Obviously, that upset her because she got up and immediately left to complain to her husband about it.
A Husband’s Defense
Several hours later, OP received text messages from her future father-in-law, saying how “disrespectful” she was to “threaten” his wife from being uninvited from her own son’s wedding.
The man even demanded an immediate apology!
Got Her Back
On the other hand, Colin and Saira said that his mother was pushing it with what she said and that her reaction was understandable.
Although her own fiancé is on her side, she still keeps getting text messages from both of her fiancé’s parents, shaming her over what she said.
So, OP said, “It may have been extreme to threaten her with being uninvited from the wedding.”
The Community’s Two Cents
For Redditors, the situation OP’s in isn’t just a case of Colin’s mother criticizing everything; it’s about her disrespecting OP’s culture and being racist.
The top commenter wrote, “Your hair is too curly and unruly? Your red lehenga choli is unsuitable because it isn’t white? Your future mother-in-law is being extremely disrespectful of your culture, to the point of sounding racist! In that context, I would say you were being extremely restrained in not saying something sooner.”
The same person added, “Thank goodness your fiancé has your back because your future mother-in-law is extremely out of line and owes you a huge apology. Although I imagine, for your fiancé’s sake, you’ll accept a respectful presence at your wedding, with a promise to refrain from further inappropriate comments. It’s sad that your future mother-in-law can’t appreciate the enhancement that the Indian culture will bring to your wedding. I’m sure it will be beautiful. May you have a wonderful day. Not the a**hole.”
Exclude the Opinionated Mother
People suggested OP not include her fiancé’s mom in the wedding preparations to avoid further damage and for smooth sailing planning.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. Drop her from all wedding preparations with you. Put her on a complete information diet, and let your fiance handle her from now on.”
Another one agreed, saying, “This is the way. I don’t understand why OP continued to involve her future mother-in-law in the wedding planning when she was being such a pill. It’s easy just to stop communicating with her about it.”
Censor Her True Self
Others pointed out that it seems like Colin’s mother is trying to make OP “not Indian” with how she wants things done.
“Not the a**hole. Your future mother-in-law sounds like she’s trying to whitewash you. This is what it sounds like. She imagined a White girl Christian-style wedding complete with a white dress, perfect hair, and all that. She needs to stop,” one commenter wrote.
Was OP wrong for telling her fiancé’s mom she’d be uninvited from the wedding if she kept commenting about it? Do you think her future mother-in-law is racist?
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This post first appeared as She Threatened to Ban Her Future Mother-In-Law From Her Wedding Because of Her Racist Comments About Her Indian Traditions. Now Her Father-In-Law-To-Be’s Furious, Saying She’s “Disrespectful” and Should Apologize! on Quote Ambition.