This mom thought—in all honesty—that it would be alright to use her daughter’s college fund for her son’s master’s degree. But she soon discovered that what she was doing was breaking her kids’ hearts!
A Mom and Her Two Kids
OP (Original Poster) has two kids: 26-year-old Anna and 32-year-old Logan. They are both college graduates and are doing well in their respective careers.
Sadly, her husband had already passed away.
Securing Their Future
However, before he did, he and OP set up a college fund for their two kids. Logan used his when he went to college, but Anna got a full-ride scholarship to a good university.
Because of this, Anna’s college fund was left untouched.
OP and her husband decided to safely keep Anna’s fund in case she needed it in the future, and “that was it.”
She wrote, “My daughter is currently moving here and there, living her life, and has no intention of buying a house.”
Anna has expressed her desire to attend graduate school or take some courses. However, her current lifestyle was “so hectic and full” that she doesn’t blame her for not pursuing it immediately.
A Good Daughter
A few years before this story was posted, OP expressed her desire to take baking classes. As a good daughter, Anna supported her and encouraged her to take money from her college fund so OP could pay for her classes.
OP added, “She has also said that I can take from it in case I need it or want it since money is not a problem to her right now.”
OP has yet to take money for her baking classes. However, unlike Anna, her brother, Logan, was “very eager” to further his education since he believed it would allow him to grow in his career and job field.
However, he can’t afford the costs of a master’s while living on his own and having his own expenses.
OP noted that even if he moved back, he couldn’t afford it. If he did this, he would have to cut back on some work hours to go to school, meaning he’d earn less.
It was simply unfeasible for Logan right now.
Because of this, OP said they could use Anna’s college fund instead. OP believed it would be okay because she “encouraged” OP to use it before.
She wrote, “We just paid his first semester, and everything was fine.”
Good for Him!
Anna visited OP a few days before this story was posted and told her she was happy for her brother. She then said that if she could help in any way, she would be happy to.
She said some of her friends told her that graduate school could be expensive, so she’d be open to offering some assistance.
What Did You Do?
Not thinking she did was wrong, OP said it was okay since they were using the fund she left, and everything was fine.
At this, Anna looked confused and asked, “My fund?”
A Heated Mother-And-Daughter Conversation
Anna started getting upset, asking her mom why she used the fund that was meant “for her.” OP argued that she thought it was okay, given that Anna had allowed her to take some money from it for her baking classes.
Draining It to Nothing!
However, Anna said it wasn’t the same thing. If they used her college fund for Logan’s education, then it meant the fund might be “left dry” when it was time for her to go to graduate school.
Anna left her mom’s house in tears. Then, when Logan found out, he refused to accept the money, saying he’d pay back what he took from his sister.
OP wrote, “Now both my kids are sad, and I don’t get it. My sister said I created a mess.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
Redditors couldn’t understand how dense OP was. Obviously, expenses for baking classes and a master’s degree were quite different.
“You’re the a**hole. Baking classes and a master’s program are vastly different. She’s repeatedly mentioned wanting to do her master’s, and her reward for having earned scholarships is that she can use her college fund for said master’s. Her brother used his fund for his bachelor’s, which unfortunately means if he wanted his master’s, he should take out loans in order to do it,” said a top commenter.
The same person added, “She’s not planning on using the money for a house, fun money, etc. It was put away for her education, and she plans on using it to further her education. You should have talked to her before offering it up, and I’m glad her brother was sensible enough to understand that she hadn’t given permission and wanted it given back to her.”
What a Big Mistake!
Users also wanted OP to open her eyes to the mistake she made. Her son realized their wrongdoings, and she should, too, before it’s too late!
One Redditor wrote, “You’re the a**hole—a massive a**hole. And you and your son should be paying that money back to her directly. First, just because her life is hectic right now doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be ready for that money in 5 or 10 years. Two, just because she was a good student and got a full ride for her undergrad doesn’t mean she will for her master’s or PhD. Three, you just gave away the last thing her father did for her to secure her future. Yes, you contributed, but it is his memory that is stamped on this. Four, permission to take a class is not permission to give the bulk of it to her brother. Five, you are favoring your son who did not achieve academically to the same extent as your daughter because you believe ‘she didn’t need it.’”
The same person continued, “You didn’t f****** ask her. So I think you absolutely knew she would be heartbroken to lose that money, especially as she has talked about going back to school someday. If you were my mother—and yes, I know what it is like to lose a parent—I think I would be so angry and so hurt I would cut you out of my life.”
Was OP unfair toward her kids? How do you think she could right things?
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This post first appeared as She Used Her Daughter’s College Fund Behind Her Back to Pay For Her Son’s Master’s. Now Her Daughter’s Mad, Her Son’s Heartbroken, and She Made a Big Mess of Everything! on Quote Ambition.