She and her husband never wanted children, but everything changed when her sister-in-law left her kids with them and didn’t return. She doesn’t want them, but her husband’s slowly changing his mind!
Just the Two of Us
OP (Original Poster), a 29-year-old woman, knew she never wanted to have or raise children since she was young. In college, she met her husband, who was also decidedly child-free.
She and her husband got married a couple of years before OP posted this story.
Abandoned Children
However, the same could not be said about her 24-year-old sister-in-law, who has 3 kids: two boys, 5 and 2, and a 2-year-old girl. Her kids have different “deadbeat” dads.
Then, two months before OP posted this story, her husband’s sister left all her children at their house and said she was going on an errand. However, she left and never returned, so they filed a report which told them she was “safe” but did not want to return.
No One Wants Them
Now, the problem they’re facing is who will keep the kids. Her husband’s mother is a minimum-wage worker “barely scraping by,” and she is a single mom who didn’t want to raise her grandkids.
OP wrote, “I don’t want to raise them either. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don’t want to take up.”
Messed up Life
In just the two months the children lived with them, their expenses increased because they had to buy them clothes and other things. The kids are sleeping in their living room on air mattresses since they only have one bedroom.
OP added, “I had to work from home and look after them cause my husband could not get the same arrangement, and daycare for three is expensive. It has been really rough, to say the least.”
A Question From the Authorities
Eventually, CPS got involved, and they asked OP and her husband if they wanted to keep the kids. OP does not, and she thought her husband would be on the same page, but she was wrong.
The agency asked them to decide quickly and make the necessary changes, like getting a larger home.
Respecting His Decision
OP and her husband have gone back and forth on the matter, but she said she “cannot live the next 16 years like this.” It’s challenging to raise kids, not to mention expensive.
However, he wants to be there for his family, which OP understands.
Quick Solution: Divorce
Having come to a decision himself, the day before this story was posted, OP told her husband she wanted a divorce before he made any commitments and “dragged” her into it with him.
OP wrote, “He called me an a**hole for divorcing over kids, for abandoning him when he needed me. I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance, and this was a commitment—children—that he was unilaterally deciding on.”
On His Plate
Apart from this, in the time she’s had to experience living with the kids, she knew for a fact that it wasn’t something she wanted to do. For one, the division of labor was extremely one-sided—with her husband leaving before seven in the morning and returning home after eight in the evening.
OP added, “In the morning, he barely helps cause he has to get ready for work. Still, let’s give him two hours for that, generously. He helps with kids after he reaches around an hour or two. He has off only on Sunday. Where he still does not take care of the kids himself and needs my help.”
Becoming a Burden
She tried telling her husband she needed the day to work, but he just kept disturbing her every five minutes, wanting something. Basically, OP is never off the clock, and he is barely on it.
OP wrote, “Yesterday was the first day he did it all, or tried to, himself. And it was a disaster.”
Suffering From His Commitment
Although it was admirable that he decided to raise his sister’s children, he was not “raising” them; OP was.
OP noted, “Wanting to make a selfless decision is admirable as long as you do it—not volunteer someone else.”
A Vow of Their Own
She also clarified that she wasn’t going against her wedding vows when she decided to divorce her husband because of the kids. After all, they did not do a “traditional” one because they don’t believe in “until death do us part.”
Their vows included not having children and staying together until being apart made them happier. According to OP, staying in a toxic relationship where a couple hates each other’s guts just because they made a vow was never appealing to her and her husband.
Redditors’ Two Cents
According to most Redditors, the only person who should be blamed for the situation is OP’s sister-in-law, as she’s the one who dumped her kids and responsibilities to OP and her husband.
The top commenter said, “I can’t fault either of them. The only a**hole here is the sister.”
Another person said, “Not the a**hole. The sister-in-law is the original a**hole. I can understand the nephews and niece have your husband in family broody mode. But you had the discussion early in your relationship, and this sounds like it would be torture for you.”
Sincerity Matters
Having children should be something a person wants because if not, it will directly negatively affect the kids, and that’s heartbreaking.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole for all the reasons others have listed. But also because forcing someone into parenthood is also bad for those children. If you are ill-equipped or unwilling, those children will be the ones who suffer for it. They deserve parents who want them wholeheartedly and nothing less.”
Inconsiderate Choice
OP’s husband knew she didn’t want children, yet he kept his nephews and nieces without consulting her first. It’s not a simple matter they can quickly agree on; it’s their lives.
“While some may think you are a hard person for your decision, you are not the a**hole. You had this crazy idea that you would get to remain child-free when you married someone who also wanted to be child-free. It’s not like you’re not agreeing on what temperature to set the furnace or what color to paint the kitchen. This is about as huge as it gets, and he made the choice he made without caring about your feelings,” one Redditor said.
An Alarming Foster Care System
Some Redditors understood why OP’s husband kept the children and pointed out how the foster system doesn’t bring justice to the kids under it.
Someone wrote, “Not the a**hole. It’s not surprising that your husband wouldn’t want to put his nephews and niece in foster care after a situation that there was no way to predict. There are horror stories all over the internet and news about the broken foster system.”
The same person added, “That said, you vehemently don’t want kids, and if this is something you’re unwilling to take on, which is absolutely your right, then it would be better to end it before the resentment of the situation takes over your life.”
What can you say about this matter? Was OP was wrong for wanting to divorce her husband over her sister-in-law’s three kids?
More From Quote Ambition
This Redditor turned to the community for advice after being called out for being a horrible woman for not wanting to raise a baby born from her ex-husband’s affair. Was she wrong to refuse?
An Entitled Woman Refused to Vacate His Assigned Seat on a Five-Hour Flight. So, He Kicked and Yanked the Chair Every Two Minutes, Ensuring There’s “Extra Turbulence” All Flight Long!
He got annoyed when a woman wouldn’t budge and get off his assigned plane seat, saying she was “already comfortable.” So, he devised a plan to make sure she’d regret every second of it!
She Left Her Cousin’s Wedding and Took Her $1,000 Gift Back After the Groom’s Family Ruined Her Dress for Being “Inappropriate.” They Want the Money Back, but It’s Too Late
OP (Original Poster) was stoked to attend her favorite cousin’s wedding. However, little did she know it would become one of the worst experiences of her life yet!
A Woman Noticed Their Security Cameras Glitched Only When Her Husband Was Home Alone. He Flipped Out After Being Confronted, but She Wants to Get to the Bottom of Things!
This Redditor’s home security cameras kept on glitching whenever her husband was home alone. Suspicious of what was causing this, she asked her husband, but instead of remaining calm, he got defensive!
He Begged His Neighbors to Extinguish Their Fire So His Dying Dog Could Spend One Last Day Outdoors, but They Showed No Sympathy. So, He Ensured They Learned Their Lesson!
He only wanted to give his dog a day in his backyard before putting her down. However, things didn’t go as planned when his neighbors decided to light a fire so close to them!
This post first appeared as She’s Divorcing Her Husband After He Took in Her Sister-In-Law’s Three Kids. They Vowed to Be Child-Free, and She Refused to Get “Dragged” Into Raising Children. Was She a Jerk? on Quote Ambition.
Read Next:
- Her Sister-In-Law Demanded She Take a Paternity Test So Her Child Could Inherit Her Estate. She Refused, but Her Husband Insists She Abides Because It’s “Free Money!”
- She Hid Her Passport in Her Sock and Deliberately Missed Her Flight After She Realized She’d Be Forced to Babysit Her Sister’s Kids at Disneyland. Now She’s Accused of “Ruining” Her Family’s Vacation
- She Refused to Break Her Child-Free Wedding Rule for Her Newborn Nephew. Now Her Sister’s Livid, Deciding Not to Attend the Bachelorette, Ceremony, and Reception Altogether!
