This teenager put the needs of his autistic sister above his own. His parents don’t respect his plans and force him to change them at the last minute to accommodate them, and he’s had enough!
Brother and Sister
OP (Original Poster) is a 14-year-old boy with a nine-year-old autistic sister. OP said she “isn’t low functioning” but “isn’t high functioning” either.
His sister barely speaks, and she has several sensory issues. These issues lead her to have meltdowns regularly.
Since his sister was born, OP said his parents expect him to care for her. The older he got, the more care and time he would devote to his sister.
Bored and Lonely
As a result of this arrangement, OP didn’t have any real friends. He never had time to spend away from his sister, so he couldn’t hang out or do anything with anyone.
Complete Lack of Respect
Not only did OP have to tend to his sister, but his parents never respected his plans. If his parents got busy, he would have to put all his plans on hold and take care of his sister.
The Problem Gets Worse
One day, OP had planned to hang out with a friend so they could celebrate his friend’s birthday. However, his mom came into his room and told him he would have to take care of his sister instead because she and OP’s father wanted to go to a restaurant.
OP and his mother argued about the situation because he told her a month ago that he would celebrate his friend’s birthday.
They both yelled at each other during the fight, and OP said, “I wish my sister were never born.”
A Stunning Admission
When he said that, his mom grounded him for a month and said that he was “disgusting” for saying what he said. OP knew that it wasn’t a good thing to say and that none of this was his sister’s fault, but he couldn’t shake the fact that his life would be better without her.
A lot of little things had built up between the two siblings. For one, OP thought it would be nice to have a birthday and not have to give 80% of his cake to his sister.
Maybe Some Friends
Secondly, OP wanted to have time with friends and not have to take care of his sister all the time. He wanted to be able to live an everyday life and said that he hated his sister because she had ruined his life.
When his mom told his father about it, OP said that his dad had agreed with his mom. His dad took it further and told OP that he was “a really bad person” for saying what he had.
The entire situation had been making OP feel bad. He didn’t know if he was being an “a**hole or not” and was thankful for any advice he could get.
Redditors Weigh In
A lot of Redditors were on OP’s side. They told him that it wasn’t just him, but a lot of siblings of special needs children feel this way.
One Redditor suggested he find a family member to help, saying, “Oh gosh. Not the a**hole in the slightest. Don’t take this the wrong way. But you’re a child. You shouldn’t ever be responsible for your sister. I have a special hatred for parents who make elder siblings parents in their absence. Is there someone at your school you can speak to? Over here, they have support for children who are carers. But that tends to be because they’re looking after a sick parent. Not because they have two able parents who can’t be bothered. Also, I’m wondering how much parenting you get. They can’t even provide for your sister—and I’m assuming she takes most of their time—what about you? Do you have any other family members nearby? Grandparents or aunts and uncles? I think it’s important you have a strong adult in your life. One who puts your well-being first.”
Another commenter weighed in with some motivation for OP, saying, “Not the a**hole. Siblings of special needs children often feel this way. Your ‘normal’ childhood is being punished and neglected in favor of your sister’s additional needs. The best you can do is start planning for your future now. Save every dime of birthday money if you get that. Get the best grades you possibly can. Find reasons to stay after school to study in the library on a group project. Great grades will allow you to apply for multiple smaller scholarships, which can add up. Plan your escape, and don’t look back. Keep whatever your plan is to yourself. Google Gray Rocking to understand how to deal with your parents. And know that when you are 18, you can have two birthday cakes all to yourself.”
An Abusive Situation
While many Redditors encouraged OP and told him he was right, others went further in criticizing his parents.
One commenter summed it up well, saying, “Not the a**hole. What would have been better to say is that you wish your parents would act as proper parents, caring for you too and recognizing your sister is not your responsibility. Your sister is not the problem; your parents are, but in the heat of the moment, it is understandable you said what you did.”
Do you think it’s fair OP’s mom grounded him for feeling the way he does? Are his parents wrong for putting so much on his shoulders?
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This post first appeared as A 14-Year-Old’s Tired of Sacrificing His Life for His Autistic Sister, so He Said He “Wished She Was Never Born.” Now He’s Grounded and Accused of Being a “Disgusting” Person! on Quote Ambition.