This user never knew his father but did know he had a half-sister. After his half-sister’s parents died, his grandparents came to him and asked if he’d help raise her, and he refused.
A Rough Start
OP (Original Poster) is a 19-year-old man who has had almost no contact with his dad since he was 6. Even before his parents got divorced, his father wasn’t around much, and after his mother caught him cheating on her, he wasn’t around at all.
All for a Kid
The woman that his dad was cheating with knew that he was married. His father told her that she would get a kid out of their arrangement, which she jumped at because of her supposed infertility.
Want to Make a Deal
His mother hadn’t told him until he was much older, but his dad had offered to “take him off her hands” so his new woman could raise him and give her some money every month. His mother had never wanted to burden him with this information, and he was glad she hadn’t told him.
He already had enough anger built up towards his father, and knowing about the offer would have made it far worse.
Still a Family
Despite what had happened, his father’s parents remained in his life as his grandparents. They would still communicate with their son sometimes, but he didn’t talk to them much either.
A Total Surprise
OP learned that his father and new wife had tried to adopt, but they kept failing to clear all the “hurdles.” That was until a few years ago when she got pregnant and gave birth to a daughter.
Sudden Tragedy
Though he had just become a father again, OP’s dad died not long after his daughter was born. He had a massive heart attack, which didn’t surprise OP or his mom, as he had always worked too much and had never eaten right.
Can’t Catch a Break
Then, four months before OP posted, his dad’s wife died in a car accident. This situation left his half-sister without parents, so his paternal grandparents took her in.
Not My Sister
OP said he never met his half-sister and didn’t consider her his sister even though they were related biologically. In his opinion, blood doesn’t make a family, and he didn’t want to be part of her “family circle.”
A Little Help
OP’s grandparents asked him if he would help out with his sister. They said they weren’t getting any younger and needed someone to watch her while they went to medical appointments so she wouldn’t be running around the hospital.
Someone Else’s Problem
They asked OP if he would babysit, and he said no. He did not want to be in her life or have anything to do with her, so he suggested they find a babysitter that could help.
Soften Your Heart
His grandparents told him it would be better for her if he got involved because she needed her big brother. Despite their plea, OP said he wasn’t interested in having anything to do with her.
Trying to Make Up
OP’s grandparents told him they had always tried to make up for how bad his father had been because they wanted OP to be better than his father had been. They also wanted this for his half-sister, who they said was innocent in the whole situation.
The Final Answer
His grandparents told him not to punish everyone else because his father had been absent. When OP clarified that he wouldn’t budge on the issue, they said he was “becoming his father” by not caring about people he should care about.
What the Community Has to Say
Most of the commenters thought that OP was well within his rights not to want to have anything to do with his half-sister. A lot of them also noted that it was a heartbreaking situation.
One said, “Not the a**hole. You’re drawing a clear boundary and, considering what your father was like, your grandparents should respect it. The fact that your grandparents are at an advanced age also means they’re likely trying to forge a relationship between you so that, if anything does happen to them, you, or even your mom, would step in and take guardianship of your half-sister.”
Another Redditor thought his grandparents might have an ulterior motive, saying, “Not the a**hole, but here is the thing. Tread lightly. Your grandparents understand they are old. Your grandparents understand they may die in the next 14 or 15 years. They want you to build a relationship with her, so you will take legal guardianship of her if they become unable or they pass. As a parent, I can tell you precisely what they are doing. You’re a legal adult. They are looking for a potential parent, not someone to babysit her once or twice a month.”
A Sad Situation
A lot of Redditors believed that the half-sister was in a heartbreaking position, having lost all her family and being rejected by her brother. Despite this, they did believe that what OP wanted to do was up to him.
One said, “Not the a**hole. Your half-sister is innocent, but she is not your responsibility, and if you don’t want a relationship with her, that is certainly your prerogative.”
Do you think that OP is being fair and reasonable to his half-sister? Should he help out his grandparents, or is he doing the right thing?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Help His Grandparents With His Half-Sister Because He Didn’t Feel Like They Were Family. Now His Grandparents Are Angry and Say He’s “Turning Into His Father!” on Quote Ambition.
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