This Redditor couldn’t accept the fact that his future in-laws couldn’t pay for “their part” of the wedding expenses. His parents already paid for theirs, so he thinks they’re disrespecting his family!
A Fairytale Wedding?
OP (Original Poster) is a 38-year-old man who will soon get married to his 24-year-old fiancé, Mary. Their big day was happening two months after this story was posted.
This would be OP’s second marriage—his second chance at love!
Wedding Planning Nightmare
Like all other big ceremonies, OP noted that their journey into wedding planning has been “expensive and stressful.”
However, it wasn’t a big shock since it was his second time doing everything.
Comparing Two Separate Things
OP noted that his former in-laws and his parents paid an “equal financial percentage” of the overall expenses in his first wedding.
He wrote, “The arrangement was that me, my—at the time—partner, her parents, and my parents would pay a quarter of the total cost.” So, this time, OP was “expecting” a similar arrangement.
Speaking for Others
When OP brought this up, Mary agreed. However, when they talked to her parents, OP’s future in-laws said they would not pay.
Complicated Money Matters
But for OP, this was simply unfair. His parents had already paid their part, OP gave his part, and Mary also paid for hers.
Even so, Mary’s parents kept saying they “can’t afford to.” OP, however, refused to believe this, saying, “I know very well that they can afford it; they have some business and travel often.”
A Firm Stance
Because Mary’s mom and dad wouldn’t give in, she told OP they should just let it go. After all, they could just cut down on the costs.
She also volunteered herself and her brothers to pay for the part her parents were supposed to cover, but OP still refused.
They Need to Follow Through!
In his post, OP said he told Mary “multiple times” that letting her parents go “free of charge” while his parents paid their part wasn’t fair. OP said they should follow through on the agreement.
It was no surprise that OP felt this way because it turned out that his parents also think the same. They said it was unfair to let only one set of parents pay for the percentage.
Dropping the Bomb
With Mary’s parents’ adamant refusal, OP ultimately decided to uninvite them from the wedding. This made Mary extremely upset and frustrated, as she had always dreamed of her dad walking down the aisle.
Step Into My Shoes!
Sadly, although his fiancé was upset, OP didn’t want to give in. He said he tried to make Mary see things from his point of view, but she was being “stubborn.”
Big Arguments With No Apparent Solutions
Mary was adamant that her parents get a chance to go to the wedding for “free.” But OP thinks what they did was a blatant “sign of disrespect” from her family to his.
Even with Mary’s pleading, OP still wouldn’t change his mind. So, at some point, Mary also blew up!
She said, “If my mom and dad can’t go, then I won’t go either!”
What an Absolute Mess!
Mary already threatened OP that she wouldn’t be at the wedding if he continued down this path, but it seems he still thinks that nothing was wrong with what he did.
He wrote, “I told her to stop having a childish tantrum and just go along with our original agreement, but she is stubborn, and I wonder if this hill is worth dying on.”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
Redditors couldn’t believe how immaturely OP was acting, especially given his age.
A top commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole. You’re 38. Why can’t you pay for your own wedding? Why are you expecting people to give you money just because that’s what your ex’s parents did? Grow up.”
Another Redditor pointed out, “Yet he treats her like a child and talks about her like she’s a child. OP, you’re the a**hole for how you are treating your fiancé and her parents. You can’t just make a decision on your own to uninvite them. She’s supposed to be your equal partner, not your child.”
Red Flag Alert
People also hoped that Mary followed through with her threat. For them, she should wake up before it’s too late and see OP’s red flags for what they are.
“I hope she follows through on her threat and doesn’t show up to this wedding. If you read this, girl, trust your gut and run,” said one woman.
Another said, “Sounds like major control issues. Purposefully going for a younger woman. And uninviting her parents and essentially saying she has no say in it. All the red flags!”
Do you think Mary should still say, “I do?” What should OP do next?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Future-In-Laws From His Wedding Because They Refused to Pay Part of the Ceremony’s Costs. His Fiancé’s Furious, but He Believes It Was an Act of “Disrespect!” on Quote Ambition.