OP (Original Poster) was stoked about his best friend’s wedding. But everything changed when he realized the couple looked down on his relationship with his long-term girlfriend—just because they weren’t married yet!
An Incomplete Wedding Invitation?
OP and his childhood best friend, Brad, were both 28. Brad got married in May of 2023 to his fiancé, Vicky.
On Easter, OP received his wedding invite. However, when he opened it, he saw that it was only his name on the invite; his girlfriend, Mary, was not listed.
The Trio
To give some background, OP explained that he, Brad, and Mary had known each other since high school. They were even in the same friend group!
He shared, “Mary and I live around two hours away from Brad and Vicky. Because Mary is a nurse, she doesn’t always have the time to visit Brad and Vicky with me, so I go alone most of the time, but when she’s able, she’ll join me.”
Planning for the Future
Given the circumstances, Mary was not overly close with Vicky. She has met and seen her around 10 times in the 4 years that Vicky and Brad had been together.
On the flip side, OP and Mary had been together for six years, and they plan to get married. They just had to be more financially stable and secure before they took the next step.
Maybe It Was a Mistake
Because of their relationship, OP thought Mary not being invited could have been a mistake. So, he called Brad, asking if they just forgot to mention her name in the invite.
However, Brad replied, saying, “Vicky is very strict about some rules, and in order to cut down costs, she’s enforcing a ‘no ring, no bring’ rule for the wedding. So, since Mary is ‘just a girlfriend’ and doesn’t have a ring to imply some formality, then she’s not invited.”
More Than My Plus One
He was hurt by what his best friend said. So, OP reminded Brad that he and Mary had been together longer than he had with Vicky.
OP told Brad, “Mary is also your friend, not just my partner.”
His Dilemma
Brad said he understood where OP was coming from and had already tried talking Vicky out of it. However, she was “very strict with that.”
OP wrote, “I let it go, and I was in a dilemma about whether I should go to the wedding or not because of that.”
Let’s Avoid All the Drama
When OP talked to Mary about it, she was understandably unhappy with where things were going. However, she advised OP to go to “avoid more drama.”
So, OP called the couple to tell them he’d attend the wedding.
Vicky’s So-Called Apologies
Vicky was the one who answered the call, and she apologized for making OP feel uncomfortable by not inviting Mary, but “these are the rules. OP replied, saying he respected the rules she created, but it didn’t mean he was happy about them.
OP wrote, “She then, for some reason, started being harsh about how Mary and I are not in a serious enough relationship if after knowing each other for so long and being together for six years we are not engaged yet and joked that, ‘After all, you never know what tomorrow brings,’ and I could break up with Mary anytime since we haven’t shown any signs of true commitment.”
Seeing Red
OP immediately confronted Mary. He told her that “it was not her place to validate” their relationship.
He also said, “It was really low of her to use a dumbbell rule just to shame and micromanage long-term couples who, for whatever reason, haven’t gotten married yet.”
That’s Disrespectful
He immediately backed out of the wedding. OP shared, “I said I’d pass after all and not attend the wedding.”
Vicky and Brad said OP was “disrespecting” them and their choices because he chose Mary over their wedding day.
Not My Problem
However, at this point, OP doesn’t care.
He said, “Keep your rules, and I’ll keep my relationship because it’s more important than any exclusive rules that only exist in order to shame people.”
Shunned by Friends
Unfortunately, since then, OP has received a lot of “backlash” from their other friends. They’re accusing OP of being an a**hole because he was “so bitter about something so small.”
I Beg to Differ
Even if many people are against OP, he believes he made the right choice.
He said, “To me, it’s not small. They invalidated Mary and our relationship.”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
For Redditors, OP was right to back out of the wedding.
A top commenter explained, “Not the a**hole. What a stupid rule, and stupid in this instance for many specific reasons. First of all, Mary and Brad were in the same high school friend group, so it could easily be argued that she could be invited purely based on being his friend and totally independent of her relationship with you. Second, using marriage as a barometer of commitment is inane. So by the bride’s logic, if cousin Chad gets drunk in Vegas and marries the girl he’s been dating for two weeks, she would get an invite, while your girlfriend of six years would not. That is so dumb. To top all this off, you were initially willing to let it go and just come anyhow, but then the bride had to double down and insult your relationship to your face. That just sucks. Groom needs to step up and be a good friend and tell the bride she is being ridiculous.”
She’s Not Alone
It turns out that Vicky isn’t the only fish in the pond who has the same line of thinking.
One said, “I’ve known people like Vicky who get engaged and suddenly look down on anyone who isn’t engaged or married, no matter how long a couple has been together. I had an acquaintance who banned all single people from her wedding, even though her fiancé was planning to have several single friends at his wedding party. Some of them had partners for years. The bride said to me that married people shouldn’t be around single people. The last time I saw that couple, they were arguing about her ‘rules’ for their wedding. It’s super silly.”
Do you think OP should give in and attend? Or do you believe he made the right choice?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Attend His Best Friend’s Wedding After They Withheld His Girlfriend’s Invitation to Cut Costs Down. They Said She’s “Just a Girlfriend.” Now He’s Being Shunned by Friends! on Quote Ambition.
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