OP (Original Poster) wanted his wedding to go as smoothly as possible. So, when he found out his mom had something sinister planned for his sister-in-law, he uninvited the latter. But it doesn’t make sense!
His Brother and Sister-In-Law
OP has a 32-year-old brother, Jack, who was considered the “golden child of the family” for some time. However, everything changed when he started dating his now-wife, Jill.
He said, “When he started dating Jill, our mother became weirdly jealous.”
Change in Behavior
OP’s mom would constantly badmouth Jill behind her back and make “snarky remarks” about her in front of her face. However, Jill just took everything in; she never retaliated and just remained friendly.
Getting Even Worse
When OP’s brother and Jill got married, his mom got worse. She even ruined their wedding day!
However, when Jack announced they were having a baby, they all got whiplash because his mom “suddenly wanted to be Jill’s best friend.”
We’ve Had Enough!
They got another whiplash because as soon as Jill gave birth to OP’s niece, OP’s mom’s attitude toward her became bad again, possibly even worse than before.
OP wrote, “I won’t go into detail, but her behavior resulted in Jack and Jill going no contact with her.”
Three Years Later
OP said it had been three years since his brother and sister-in-law went no contact with OP’s mom.
However, OP still spoke to all of them. He also saw his mom regularly.
His Happy Ending
Then, OP recently got engaged to his partner, Laura, and they are currently planning their wedding. In the natural course of things, OP asked Jack to be his best man, and he agreed.
OP said, “Since we will be busy most of the day, his interactions with Mom will be pretty limited.”
Drama-Free or Not?
OP was confident that his wedding would be drama-free. However, this thought went down the drain when he saw Laura coming home from wedding dress shopping, “looking stressed out.”
He asked his fiancé what had happened, and Laura said his mom—who was invited to the dress shopping along with OP’s soon-to-be mother-in-law and his fiancé’s bridesmaids—commented on “how she was looking forward to putting Jill in her place at the wedding.”
There’s No End
Even three years after their big fight, OP’s mom still hasn’t let go.
He wrote, “Apparently, she then ran Jill down to anyone that would listen and made everyone feel uncomfortable.”
A Mutual Decision
After much discussion, OP and Laura both became worried that his mom’s “feud” with Jill would ruin their wedding day.
So, they decided to uninvite Jill to avoid any bad outcomes.
An Angry Brother
Understandably, Jack got upset when OP talked to him about their decision. Jack reminded OP that Jill was his wife, the mother of his child, and OP’s sister-in-law.
He also told OP they were “excluding her for something that wasn’t her fault.”
Firm in His Decision
OP tried to explain that he had no problem with Jill per se; he said he thought Jill was “great,” and he agreed that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Even so, he “doesn’t want drama on his wedding day” nor for her to be made awkward because of their mom.
Then, OP shared, “Jack ended up telling me that if mom can’t even last a day without starting drama, then maybe I should be reassessing who needs to be uninvited and that if his wife couldn’t attend, he wouldn’t either.”
This issue made OP feel stuck behind a rock and a hard place.
He wrote, “I know Jill hasn’t done anything wrong and have never been able to understand why mom is so rude to her when she has always been nice to Laura.”
She’s Still My Mom
Even so, when choosing between Jill and her mom, OP would choose the latter. He said he knew his mom was in the wrong on this occasion, but “she is her mother, and he wants her at his wedding.”
OP also added that Jill already found out about their decision.
After his discussion with Jack, she texted OP and told him that “she understood” and “not to worry.” Jill also told OP she would talk to Jack once he calmed down.
Redditors’ Thoughts and Suggestions
Although Jill said she understood OP’s decision, Redditors still believed he was wrong.
A top commenter said, “You’re the a**hole. You’re punishing the victim and enabling an abuser.” Another commented, “I know it’s their wedding and all that, but the ‘my wedding, my rules’ excuse goes away when it means enabling abuse or bullying. There’s no other factor weighing in his decision. It’s a choice between having his mom and the best man’s wife—his sister-in-law—who she bullied at his wedding. Jill isn’t the one starting the drama; why should she be punished for it? If anything, uninvite the bully. OP’s choice will communicate to his mom that alienating and bullying Jill with her mean girl tricks is okay and leads to no consequences. Like, take a hard, hard look at the situation: even the event that leads OP and his bride to uninvite Jill was caused by his mother making everyone uncomfortable. ‘She’s so nice to Laura.’ What makes OP think she won’t set her sights on his wife one day? And if she does, what will OP do? Stand there with his enabling ways while Mommy Dearest bullies Laura?”
That’s Not a Solution
People also pointed out that simply uninviting Jill won’t fix the root of the problem.
“Besides, I don’t think the mom is being ‘so nice to Laura’ if she ruins dress fitting with her comments on someone else, being so derogatory, instead of enjoying the moment and focusing on Laura’s joy. I mean, OP said Laura was stressed after this. I predict if the mom comes, then she will still cause tension at the wedding, talking to people about how she dislikes Jill,” said one user.
Another agreed and commented, “I’m with you. Disinviting Jill is not going to be the solution OP and his fiancé think it will be. Jill wasn’t at the dress fitting, and OP’s mom still caused drama there.”
Should OP uninvite his mom instead? Is there another solution to OP’s problem?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Sister-In-Law From His Wedding After Discovering His Toxic Mom Wanted to Bully Her During the Ceremony. He Doesn’t Want Drama, but What He Did Doesn’t Make Sense! on Quote Ambition.