This Redditor had reached his limit with his controlling mother’s treatment of his transgender sister, so he decided to ban her from attending his wedding. Was he too harsh on her?
Her Struggles and Living Arrangements
OP (Original Poster), a 32-year-old man, his 34-year-old fiancé, and his 16-year-old transgender sister all live together. Many factors led to this, but one was that their parents’ house in Germany had been damaged by a flood.
A New Home, Just for Her
Due to the massive amount of mold, they couldn’t move back in. OP and his fiancé only had extra space in their home for one person, so they decided it would be better for his sister to move in with them.
Another factor was that OP’s mom was not accepting of his sister’s choices. Ever since his sister came out as transgender when she was 14, she has given her a hard time for it.
After OP’s sister started living in their house, their mother decided to disown her for being transgender. For OP, this was simply “disgusting.”
Turning a New Leaf With a New Family
The night that happened, OP and his fiancé had a long conversation, and they decided to adopt his sister. When he broke the news to her, she smiled like she hadn’t in years.
After some time, OP also learned that his dad had apparently been silently supporting his sister for a while now. He made it possible for her to start estrogen.
OP noted, “None of us are quite sure how, but he works in the medical field, so maybe he pulled some strings.” As her new guardians, they continued the treatment, and now, she feels “far more comfortable” in her own body.
Her “Feminized” Little Boy
Unfortunately, a week before OP’s wedding, trouble started to ensue. His mom came to visit them, and she “flipped” when she saw OP’s sister looking “more feminine” than she remembers.
In Her Own Terms
His mother demanded that his sister be the “boy she used to be” at the wedding. She even wanted her to wear a tuxedo!
This angered OP’s fiancé, who screamed at her future mother-in-law for “invalidating” her future sister-in-law’s feelings, controlling someone not even in her care and custody, and being too involved in a wedding that wasn’t hers.
His Sister’s Humility
OP got involved in the argument, which inevitably turned into a “shouting match.” Tired and possibly scared of the consequences, OP’s sister quietly gave in and said that she could “be the boy she used to be” for one day—at her brother’s wedding.
When OP heard what his sister said, he saw red. He turned to her and told her she could dress however she liked because “that witch,” referring to their mom, wasn’t going to the wedding anymore.
A Sincere Concern
Defeated, his mom left. OP then apologized to his sister for raising his voice, fearing that he made her “very uncomfortable.”
When his maternal relatives heard about him banning his mother, they sent him tons of messages, telling him he was “feeding into her son’s delusions.” It was getting a bit too much for OP, and everything about the whole ordeal had caused him to lose sleep.
A Laughable Matter
OP’s maternal family took things to a whole new level when they decided to uninvite OP, his fiancé, and his sister to the rehearsal dinner. OP found this amusing, as it was a meal they were hosting.
The situation has caused them to reconsider their wedding guests. In the end, they officially uninvited everyone from OP’s maternal family.
A Threat to Their Safety
However, OP’s maternal relatives can’t seem to accept the fact that they’re no longer part of his big day, and they have since resorted to sending him threats. Concerned for their safety, OP and his fiancé decided to hire security for their wedding.
It Was Definitely Worth It!
Without his mom’s—and her side of the family’s—presence, the wedding went off without a hitch! OP said, “After party also went without disruptions, and my sister was exceptionally comfortable in her dress!”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
Redditors commended OP for defending and supporting his sister, and they agreed that he has every right to make decisions regarding his wedding.
“Not the a**hole. You’re an awesome brother for totally accepting your sister as the person she knows herself to be. As for your wedding, invite or disinvite whomever you want. It’s your wedding. Your mother is going to be nothing but trouble if she attends. Just keep being you. You’re doing a great job,” one Redditor said.
Another commented, “Not the a**hole. I really thought that I was having some kind of aneurysm reading your update. How does one get uninvited from their own wedding rehearsal dinner that they paid for? Thank you to you and your significant other for being such amazing, wonderful, supportive people. You’ve likely saved your sister’s life. You, for sure, have made it a million times better.”
The Fight Against Transphobia
Some Redditors addressed the fact that their mother might never accept OP’s sister. However, his sister needs all the support, and while their father had silently supported her, it would be even better if he stepped forward and became more open about it.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole—ever—for standing up against transphobia. This is obviously way beyond hoping your mother will change with education and awareness. I believe yelling is almost always the wrong way to solve problems, but in this case, it was the right thing to do. Your sister may be uncomfortable with it now, but she’ll remember what you and your fiancé did to stand up for her later, and it could be the difference between life or death or healthy coping versus substance abuse. I hope your father will stop ‘quietly’ supporting your dear sister and step up.”
What do you think? Did OP do the right thing for his sister?
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This post first appeared as He Banned His Transphobic Mom From His Wedding and Called Her a “Witch” After She Disgustingly Demanded His Transgender Sister “Be the Boy She Used to Be.” Was He Wrong? on Quote Ambition.