This Redditor faced backlash after she turned to the community to ask if she was wrong to uninvite her transgender sister from her wedding—all because of her parents’ ultimatum. Well, we think she is!
Coming Out of the Closet
OP (Original Poster) has a transgender sister who came out to them around a year before this story was posted. However, she’d been on hormones for longer than anyone knew, and she hid it from her family until she moved out into her own place.
However, OP noted that her sister probably did this because their parents are “very conservative and known to be transphobic.”
OP wrote, “As a result, there was this huge fight, and a ton of people in our family—including our parents—cut her off and didn’t talk to her anymore.”
I’ve Been Supportive
OP argued that she’s been “pretty supportive” of her sister so far.
She explained, “I’m using her pronouns and her name and all that—which has been hard, considering our family gives me s*** for doing so.”
Visiting Her Sister
She shared that she made it a point to visit her sister occasionally, especially since she hasn’t seen most of their other family members since she came out.
Apart from this, OP promised her sister that “if and when she got married in the future, she’d still be invited, despite any tension in their family.”
A Substitute Son
Fast forward to the present, and OP and her fiancé had already gotten engaged. Her parents, especially OP’s dad, “absolutely adored” her partner.
She explained that since her sister came out, her parents have “almost seen him as a substitute son.”
One More Person on Their Boat
Because of how OP’s parents treat him, OP’s fiancé is on her parents’ side on this issue.
She said that he made it clear that he doesn’t agree with or like OP’s sister that much.
We’ll Pay For It!
OP’s parents orchestrated her proposal, which was “very elaborate and surprising.” Because they are wedding planners, they immediately started talking to OP about planning her big day.
The cherry on top of the cake was that they even offered to pay for everything!
Her Parents’ Ultimatum
Upon hearing this, OP mentioned that she planned to invite her sister, but they shut the idea down immediately.
Her parents then went on about how her sister “disrespected the family” and cut everyone off. OP wrote, “They basically gave me an ultimatum: have my wedding planned and paid for by them or have my sister there, and they don’t come at all.”
Torn Between Two Sides
OP explained that no one could understand how “overbearing” her parents could be. She said that simply saying no to them was not an option for her.
She said, “If I declined their offer, they simply wouldn’t have come to whatever smaller wedding I managed to plan, which would have been even worse.”
So, OP ultimately decided to take her parents’ offer. She said she did so because she couldn’t afford to pay for an entire wedding, and her fiancé “pressured her” to accept it.
Breaking the News
OP told her sister about her decision; unsurprisingly, she was upset.
However, OP clarified that she would still invite her to a “smaller after party over Zoom so they could still be together on the big day.”
Overwhelmed With Guilt
Even if OP was so sure about her decision, she said she’s feeling “really guilty” about everything.
So, she turned to the community to ask if she was in the wrong.
You’re Making Me the Bad Guy!
In an edit, OP added that she felt like the community had been “misconstruing her position.” She said people are “ignoring how difficult of a position” she’s in.
What Redditors Think
For Redditors, OP wasn’t as supportive of her sister as she might think she has been.
A Redditor shared, “I don’t think OP supports her sister all that much. Calling a trans woman by her pronouns and visiting one’s sister ‘every so often’ is just basic respect and decency. It doesn’t give her bragging rights. The one thing that actually seemed like support—her promise to invite her sister to her wedding—did not happen at all. What else has OP done to support her sister? She didn’t do anything supportive before, and when confronted with a choice—between her sister and their transphobic parents—she chose the parents. She could’ve opted for a more low-key affair with her sister there. It’s either having her parents or sister at the wedding, and she chose her parents.”
Don’t Be Afraid of Others’ Judgment
There were also people who called OP out for retreating and hiding just because the comments weren’t in her favor.
“Look at her whiny edit. ‘People are misconstruing my position.’ No, they’re not. They’re just calling out the bulls***,” said one user. Another replied, “Taking her ball and going home because the game isn’t going her way. No, Reddit just hauled out the poop knife to cut through your crap.”
Why Choose Him?
People also put OP’s fiancé under fire for being a h********.
One said, “We’re ignoring the terribly difficult position she’s in, you know, of having her wedding and lifestyle funded by bigots and then getting judged for it, on the internet, on a place that explicitly judges people who volunteer their situations for judgment. What a class act. Her bigot fiance deserves her.” Another person commented, “You’re the a**hole. Why marry a transphobic guy?”
Do you also think OP is in the wrong? What would you tell her?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Transgender Sister From Her Wedding Because Her Transphobic Parents Wouldn’t Pay For It if She Were Present. Was She a Jerk for Shunning Her Sister for Money? on Quote Ambition.