Years after his first wife died, this man was finally ready for a new relationship. Everything was going great until his girlfriend started dressing and trying to look just like his dead wife!
Tale as Old as Time
OP (Original Poster) is a 35-year-old man who was married to Laura for 7 years. They had a son together, who is now 10.
OP said she was the “light of his life.”
The Light Goes Out
Sadly, when OP and his wife were 28, she was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. They fought the cancer, but sadly, she lost her battle after only five months, leaving him distraught and grief-stricken.
Gone but Not Forgotten
Ever since Laura’s death, OP and his son had gone to a therapist once a week. He hadn’t been ready for a new relationship, so he had filled his time with hobbies, friends, spending time with his son, and other activities.
A Stirring of the Heart
Then, a little over a year before he posted this story, OP met a new woman named Kayla, a 33-year-old woman, at a work event. They shared an interest in a hobby and were able to connect, which eventually led them to date.
Slow and Steady
OP was hesitant to get involved in a committed relationship. Still, with encouragement from his therapist, he started to try to make it work.
Kayla wasn’t anything like his wife, but he found himself loving her unique individuality and decided to take things slow and try to make it work.
It Was All Going Great
At first, Kayla was “amazing,” and OP had made sure to tell her about his past and that his son would always “come first” before their first “official date.”
Kayla had been “compassionate and understanding” about it all. So, after a few months, OP introduced Kayla to his son, and the two got along great.
The Future Seemed So Bright
For the first time in a long time, OP thought he might be able to move on with his life and “start to see a possible future with someone else.” Then, about four months before the story was posted, things started to change, and Kayla started to act distant.
OP sat Kayla down and wanted to know what was bothering her. She got teary-eyed and told him she felt like he had been “neglecting” her.
An Impossible Comparison
Kayla told OP that she had been feeling like she was being used as a “replacement for his dead wife,” which shocked him to his core. OP admitted he would always love Laura, but he asked Kayla for some specific examples, and all she did was shut down further.
Make It Right
OP felt guilty about the situation, but he decided he would do something about it. He arranged to take Kayla out on several more dates and started making sure he was spending more time with her, which seemed to make her happy again.
A Fateful Wedding
Then, Kayla had a cousin’s wedding to attend, which OP couldn’t participate in because of work. When she returned, she didn’t have any pictures of herself.
OP thought that was strange but didn’t pry until a coworker showed him pictures of the event.
A Strange Fashion Choice
The event had a private Facebook page, and one of the pictures was of Kayla wearing a pair of his late wife’s earrings. They were expensive, and his son kept them along with other mementos in his cupboard, where OP found the earrings had been replaced but put in a different spot.
We Have to Talk
When OP confronted Kayla, she began to get angry, yelling at him for assuming she would have “lost or damaged” something so valuable. OP told her it wasn’t that, but he was hurt she would take something with “sentimental value” behind his back.
Eventually, Kayla “broke down and apologized,” and they had a “serious talk about boundaries.” From there, they were able to move on.
Things Get Weird
OP said things got better, but then he noticed she had dyed her hair to look like his dead wife’s, but since it was blonde and a common color, he thought it was just a normal beauty choice. That’s when he noticed Kayla, who had wavy hair, had started straightening her hair to look like Laura’s.
It didn’t stop there; OP saw her change her clothes to match the ones she had seen in pictures worn by Laura and get the same ear piercings. He was unnerved by this, but she said he was acting crazy, and his family took her side, so he tried to ignore it.
A Very Strange Request
At this point, Kayla asked OP if his son would call her “mama” since he had called Laura “mommy,” and she didn’t want to “steal a title.” OP “wasn’t a huge fan of the idea” but said his son could call her what he wanted.
OP couldn’t help but think that Kayla had changed and wasn’t the woman he had started seeing a year ago. Still, his friends and family just chalked it up to nervousness since it was his first serious relationship since his wife had died.
The Final Straw
Soon, he had seen enough when Kayla got a tattoo in the exact spot as his dead wife, with similar colors and design schemes. He sat her down and confronted her about what was happening, which she denied until she finally broke down and said OP had never loved her.
OP had asked her what was bothering her, and she had never revealed this. Now she told him the truth, that she felt she was trying to “live up to the memory of a ghost.”
Why Are You Doing This?
This upset OP as he’d asked her before what he had done “specifically,” and she refused to discuss it; plus, she was the one being “weird and copying Laura.” Kayla continued to sob and say that he didn’t love her until OP couldn’t take anymore and yelled at her, telling her that if she had felt so unloved, they should break up.
OP admitted that he cared about Kayla, but he had started to think that their relationship wasn’t good for her mental health. After their fight, she went dead quiet and left without saying a word to anyone.
The Final Choice
Soon after, OP found out that Kayla had almost succeeded in killing herself by using pills later that night. She had no living family, so he was her emergency contact, and she had written him a long letter in which she explained that he had never loved her, but maybe he would “love her even a fraction of how much he loved his dead wife” if she were deceased too.
OP was stunned because, despite her strange recent behavior, he had really loved Kayla. His mom and siblings also liked her and told him he was “awful” for pushing her to this point and that he needed to reassure her about his love and try to rekindle their relationship.
Redditors’ Two Cents
Redditors were quick to come to OP’s defense, with many defending him against the notion that his family wanted Kayla and him to get married so his son would have a mother.
One said it best, saying, “She seems disturbed, and your family wants this woman around your son? Big no.”
Another went deeper into the subject, saying, “Bringing a woman into your son’s life who is mentally unstable is not better than not having a mother figure. If you are going to have any sort of healthy relationship, she needs to be happy first. Anyone worth being with will understand your son comes first, and so should she. That means a mentally stable partner. If not, it’s not going to work.”
It Could Have Been Worse
Many Redditors feel like her behavior indicated mental illness and that he left just in time.
One Redditor commented, “Not the a**hole. She is mentally unwell, and you are not a doctor. Only a doctor can help her. I’m so sorry this was your first experience dating after your loss. Your family has some sort of ‘Kids must be raised by a woman, so it’s a widower’s duty to remarry no matter what!’ blinders on.”
“OP better hope she doesn’t try to unalive the one flesh and blood link to his dead wife. He needs to go no contact right now and low contact with his crazy family,” suggested another.
Do you think OP was wrong to break it off with Kayla? Despite her strange behavior, should he try to get back with her again?
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This post first appeared as He Broke up With His Girlfriend After She Tried to Copy Everything About His Late Wife. Now She’s Claiming He “Never Loved Her” and Blaming Her Suicide Attempt on Him! on Quote Ambition.