He believed his wife was only invited to her brother’s wedding so they could get a handmade shawl from her. When she got uninvited, he took the shawl back!
Her Family’s Personal Crochet Artist
OP’s (Original Poster) wife, Lena, often crochets and frequently gifts her work to their friends and family.
When Lena’s second oldest brother got married, she crocheted a shawl for the bride to wear over her dress on the evening of the wedding. The bride loved it, and since then, Lena started making shawls for everyone in her family who was getting married.
Her Abusive Brother
When this story was posted, Lena’s older brother, George, was getting married for the second time. However, she doesn’t have a relationship with him because he was abusive to her as a child.
He wrote, “If she has to see him, then she is polite but distant with him. She doesn’t want to cut off the rest of her family because of George.”
Working With His Brother-In-Law
In a twist of fate, OP works with George. Although they aren’t friends, they do act friendly at work.
OP added, “Lena encouraged this. When George got moved to my team, I was going to request a transfer, not wanting to expose Lena to George as my team does a lot of get-togethers with our significant others.”
A Shawl for His Bride-To-Be
Since George’s marriage was considered a family wedding, Lena’s mom asked her if she could crochet a shawl for George’s fiancé, and Lena agreed. The arrangement was that once it was finished, OP would take it to work and give it to George so that Lena would not have to see him.
A Day Before the Wedding
When the shawl was done, OP emailed George to let him know that he would bring it in that day since the wedding was happening the following day. So, OP handed George the shawl that morning at work and told him that he and Lena were looking forward to the wedding.
When lunchtime came, Lena called OP to inform him that George’s fiancé called and told her she was no longer invited to the wedding. George’s fiancé reasoned that the place for the wedding and reception was too small, so they had to make cutbacks.
However, the weird thing was that OP, who was only tied to the family because of Lena, was still invited!
She’s Clearly Being Used
OP was furious after what Lena told him. He immediately believed that they only invited his wife in the beginning so they could get a free shawl, which was just rude.
He added, “If they had asked Lena outright to make one, she probably would have because she loves to crochet.”
Forget the Shawl!
On his way out of work, OP noticed that George wasn’t on his desk, but the shawl was. Still mad at George and his fiancé, OP grabbed the shawl and shoved it in his work bag.
He then left a note that said, “Since Lena was no longer invited, the shawl and I would no longer be attending either.”
OP told Lena about what he did and asked her if she wanted to go out instead since they already hired a sitter. But Lena wasn’t happy about it.
He wrote, “Lena was upset that I had taken the shawl as it was causing an uproar in her family group chat where people were calling her ‘petty’ because I took it back.”
Too Kind for Her Own Good
Lena wants OP to return the shawl, but he doesn’t think he should. For him, they don’t deserve Lena’s kindness.
However, at the same time, OP doesn’t want his wife to be upset with him just because of George and the shawl.
Protecting His Wife
To defend his wife, OP messaged the family group chat, telling them that he took the shawl back and that if they were to be upset at anyone, then it should be him.
He added, “I would also do it again because no one gets to be a d*** to Lena.”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
The people of Reddit definitely think that OP did the right thing. Although some might think he should have asked Lena first, they still applauded him for defending his wife.
A Redditor commented, “Not the a**hole. I would have taken it back. It was extremely rude to uninvite your wife but still ‘allow’ you to come. There is no point in giving the shawl back now. What’s done is done.”
“Actually, you are the rock star for standing up to this childish behavior by George and his fiancé on behalf of your wife. The day before the wedding, they do a headcount? No way! I bet if you had told them that you’d bring the shawl to the wedding, they would not have uninvited Lena,” another person said.
She Should Learn to Value Herself
Some Redditors also think Lena should stand up for herself and not let her family mistreat her.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole.Your wife is a people-pleaser. Your brother-in-law did this to steal a shawl. Getting something through false pretense is stealing. From someone who was dismissed and used by my family, I applaud you for defending your wife.”
Someone also said, “You did the right thing. Her family sounds horrible. Keep the shawl and convince her she owes them nothing. Why aren’t they upset about him uninviting his own sister to his wedding? If she insists on you giving it back, just tell her you lost it or whatever, and she shouldn’t let others walk all over her. She’s placating them while they mistreat her.”
It’s for Her to Decide
While many agree that OP’s wife needs to stand up for herself, some also think that OP should respect his wife’s decision and support her if she wants to give back the shawl.
One Redditor commented, “In my opinion, not the a**hole. But it’s not OP’s decision to make. If his wife still wants to give them the shawl, then that is her prerogative. OP’s actions were kind and supportive, but if he’s told to give it back by his wife, he should.”
Was OP wrong for taking back the shawl? What should he have done?
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This post first appeared as He Took Back the Shawl His Wife Made for Her Brother’s Bride After Realizing They Just Used Her, Then Uninvited Her From the Wedding. Now Relatives Think She’s Being “Petty!” on Quote Ambition.