This Redditor’s mom doesn’t seem to understand that jokes could hurt people, too. So, when she disrespected OP’s (Original Poster) wife, she got kicked out of the wedding!
No Gender Crisis
OP started off by explaining that she’s a 26-year-old woman who’s now happily married to her 29-year-old wife.
She prefaced her story by saying, “Just want you to know my mother is not h*********, and my problem has nothing to do with that.”
OP’s mom had always made “jokes” about her and her ex-boyfriend, Diogo, who was now her best friend. They dated years ago while OP was in the process of figuring out that she’s a lesbian.
She’d sometimes feel uncomfortable with what her mom was doing. However, she never said or did anything about it.
OP opened up and shared that it was also the same with Diogo’s mom. She and her mom would say things like, “Diogo will always be my son-in-law,” or “You’re my favorite daughter-in-law!”
Awesome Big Day
Then, two weeks before this story was posted, OP got married to an “awesome woman.”
She said, “I got married to this awesome woman who treats me right and actually loves me—something I almost never had in a relationship.”
Because it was such an important day, OP told her mom not to make any jokes about her and Diogo during her wedding. Initially, she agreed, so OP left it at that.
OP’s mom even reassured her that she wouldn’t do anything of the sort. However, OP wrote, “That wasn’t exactly what happened.”
During her wedding, everyone was “happy” and “celebrating.” OP was also talking to her best friend while her mom talked to her wife.
She wrote, “They seemed to get along, so I was happy.”
A Bride in Tears
However, 10 minutes later, OP’s wife sat beside her with a “sad expression.” She then told OP that her mom said something like, “I would be happier if my daughter married Diogo instead, but you’re a good second option!”
Red in the Face
After hearing this, OP was furious! She got up from her chair, walked in her mom’s direction, and kicked her out of the wedding.
OP’s mom refused to leave, trying to stand her ground. However, OP wasn’t having it.
Instead, she threatened to call security on her mom if she didn’t leave.
It Was Too Much
After her mom left, OP’s relatives got on her case.
OP wrote, “My whole family tells me I was an a**hole and that it was ‘just a joke,’ but I wouldn’t just let someone talk to my wife like that on her special day! Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors Chime In
For users, OP did nothing wrong. In fact, her mom was way out of line.
“Not the a**hole; your mom is clearly not comfortable with your wife and chooses to express it in a passive-aggressive way. You should talk to her if you are interested in keeping the relationship. Otherwise, you will probably have to go no contact with her and your family because, in all honesty, if she didn’t before, now she must be hating your wife to death,” said the top commenter.
Then, a woman said, “Not the a**hole. ‘Just a joke’ is used to downplay or seek to excuse a multitude of sins. Mom knew what she was saying; she also broke a promise to you to cut the crap. You and your wife are owed a major apology. Once given, it’s up to the pair of you—not the bullies and busybodies in your extended family—to decide if you can forgive her.”
It Seems You Were Wrong
Other Redditors pointed out that though OP prefaced her post by saying her mom isn’t h*********, her actions speak otherwise.
One user wrote, “Her actions beg to differ. If she weren’t h*********, she wouldn’t publicize preferring your ex-boyfriend to your new wife. Not the a**hole.”
“What the f***? Who says something like that to someone on their wedding day? Joke or no joke, what she said was well out of order. Are you sure your mum isn’t h*********? Because it sure sounds like she is. Some things are completely unacceptable at a wedding, and this is one. I can’t write ‘not the a**hole’ enough for this post,” someone else said.
What advice do you have for OP? Do you think she went too far?
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This post first appeared as She Kicked Her Mom Out of Her Wedding After She Told Her Wife That She Was a “Good Second Choice.” Now Her Relatives Say She’s a “Jerk” Because It Was “Just a Joke!” on Quote Ambition.