Throughout his son’s hospitalization, his family did nothing to help or support him. Now that his son has passed away, they expect him to give his son’s college fund to his nephew!
All Alone
OP (Original Poster) is a 39-year-old who lost his son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition; he was only 15 years old then. It was devastating, and OP could not take it, especially since his family did almost nothing during those times.
OP’s family didn’t even help in bringing his son food while at the hospital and didn’t even take turns watching his son so he could go home and rest for a few hours. They did nothing but talk.
Saving for a Hopeful Future
Despite all his struggles, OP decided to create an account for his son’s college fund and kept on putting whatever he could get during that time. He noted that he and his son would talk about that a lot.
OP added, “He was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college.”
A Normal Kid
To keep his son motivated, OP kept on saving money. He wanted his son to feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a great future.
The One Who Was There
OP then explained that his son had a very close friend about the same age as him. They’ve only been friends for five years, but there’s no contesting his impact on OP’s son.
He wrote, “I can’t express how his presence in my son’s life helped him through the worst days. Sometimes, his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. To be frank, his friend was closer to him than his own family.”
A Shoulder to Cry On
His son’s friend always visited and checked up on him even after his son died. He would show him handmade projects that were dedicated to his son as a way to remember him.
Sometimes, they’d sit, and talk, and cry together.
What’s the Plan for the Fund?
Then, a week before this story was posted, OP’s family visited him. During this time, his sister asked him what he would do with his son’s college fund.
He wasn’t supposed to mention it, but since she asked, he told her he would give the money to his son’s friend.
An Entitled Opinion
His sister barely even recognized his son’s friend and was completely confused as she said that her son, OP’s nephew, was the one who deserved the money because he’s family. Their mother agreed, saying OP wasn’t thinking straight.
They told him that he should be helping the people close to him, which is his family, and that his nephew has a right to go to college. They said he was wrong for giving this “opportunity” away to somebody else.
Using the Kid as an Excuse
At that moment, OP couldn’t find the right words to say. His family kept pointing out that he was making a mistake and that his nephew would resent him if he found out about it.
But how could his nephew be bothered by something like this when he wasn’t even close to his son?
Thinking She Has the Right to It
OP’s sister proceeded to tell him how she could not afford to send her son to college. But OP said he was sticking to his decision, especially since it felt right.
Per OP, “She started lashing out, constantly texting me, constantly wanting to talk to me, and ending up arguing.”
Forcing Him to Change His Decision
Eventually, OP snapped. Then, her sister had their mom call him to guilt-trip him and to tell him, once again, that he was wrong and he needed to think about things.
OP felt pressured by his family, and now, he’s feeling lost, unable to figure out how to deal with the situation.
Clueless About the Plan
Even with all that, his son’s friend still doesn’t know about OP’s plan to give him the college fund.
OP said, “I just felt that this is the right and reasonable thing to do even though what he has done for my son during those awful times meant the world to me. There’s no way I’ll ever repay him for that.”
Remembering His Son
There were times that OP thought he had lost his son due to severe depression, but his friend was always there to give him the strength he needed, and OP will always be grateful for that.
Now that OP’s son is in a better place, he doesn’t have to endure any more pain and struggle. This comforts OP and makes him smile without feeling guilty.
Giving What He Could
The only thing OP can do now is appreciate the people who have helped him and were by his side while he was struggling and try to support them as much as possible.
Redditors’ Opinions
People wondered why OP’s sister relied on him to send her son to college. They think that she’s only using her son to get the money.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. Ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. You aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do.”
“Not the a**hole. Do not give that money to your nephew. I find it funny that they say your nephew may resent you if he finds out. How would he find out? From his mother? Maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. The fact that a teenage boy was more supportive of you than all the adults in your family speaks volumes. Tell your sister that if her son works hard, he can get scholarships. I’m so sorry for your loss,” one person advised.
It’s Entirely His Decision
Many people supported OP’s decision and backed him up by saying he can do what he wants with what is rightfully his.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. I’m struggling to see why your sister thought it was any of her business to ask what you were doing with the college money. It’s your money, and you can do whatever you want with it. And yes, your reasons for giving it to your son’s friend are sound. He genuinely sounds like he deserves it.”
They Did Nothing for Him
Redditors also pointed out that OP’s son’s friend was there for him more than his family and that he has no obligation to help the people who didn’t help him when he needed it.
One of the Redditors wrote, “This brought tears, not going to lie. Not the a**hole, 100%. This child was there for your son. Made your son feel good, made your son happy. His friend is a good person. Your own family did nothing to help you. They do not deserve the college fund. You know that story about the hen who has to grow everything alone and bake the bread alone, then she’s awarded a feast while the animals who refused to help her had to sit and watch? That’s what this is. You’re making the right decision. Don’t let family who wouldn’t help you guilt you into giving them the fund.”
Another blatantly asked, “Why help someone when they didn’t help you?”
What do you think? Should OP stick to his decision?
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This post first appeared as He Gave His Late Son’s College Fund to His Friend Instead of His Nephew Because Everyone Else Abandoned Them. Now Family’s Guilt-Tripping Him, Saying He’s “Selfish” and “Unreasonable!” on Quote Ambition.
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