This Redditor absolutely abhorred the thought of meeting his estranged brother and ex-girlfriend. So, when his daughter invited them to her wedding, it was either him or them!
OP and His Brother
OP (Original Poster) is 46, while his brother is 48. When he was 20, his then-girlfriend cheated on him with his older brother!
He was absolutely “heartbroken and p***ed.”
Estranged Brothers
Upon his discovery, he confronted his brother and told him they were no longer related.
OP said, “Despite my request, my family didn’t cut him off, so I told them that I would never again be in the same place as he is. If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him, as I am the one giving the ultimatum.”
Wedding Traditions
He then explained that his daughter would be getting married soon, and they had some wedding traditions they usually followed.
He said, “In our culture, both parents are paying for the wedding, 50/50.”
Surprise Guests!
One day, OP’s daughter sat him down and told him that she’d be inviting OP’s brother and his family. This included OP’s ex-girlfriend because his brother “married his cheating ex.”
Building a Relationship With His Uncle
During this conversation, OP also discovered that his daughter started seeing her uncle in the last four years and had built a relationship with him “behind his back.”
OP said, “She even wants her cousin to be some kind of flower girl.”
I’m Not Paying!
All the painful memories of the past flooded OP’s mind. He was “p***ed” and told his daughter what his boundaries were.
He said that if she invited his brother, OP would not pay for part of the wedding.
Angry Daughter
OP’s daughter was livid. She told OP that “it was time to let go of the past.”
However, OP retorted, saying that “it was not her call to make.”
More Disagreements
Their argument didn’t end there; at some point, his daughter accused OP of making the wedding about himself.
OP wrote, “I told her I would probably not even attend, so it will be all about her. She left crying.”
Angry Phone Call
After that, OP’s ex-wife called him and screamed at him. She told him he was a “huge a**hole” and their daughter was “crushed.”
He said his parents called and said the same things.
More Opinions
His current girlfriend says that OP should “reconsider and apologize.”
She also said that by not paying or attending, OP would break his relationship with his daughter.
Next Steps
OP doesn’t know what to do.
On the one hand, he doesn’t want to end his relationship with his daughter. But on the other, he believes his boundaries should be respected.
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
People in the community couldn’t believe that OP’s daughter could betray him like that.
A top commenter said, “This is one of those stories where your daughter has decided that she’s willing to alienate you for someone that betrayed your trust. It doesn’t matter if it was 20 years ago; it only matters that it happened, which thereby means, she betrayed your trust. If she wants him there so bad, he can pay the half. Also, it’s okay that she has a relationship, and it’s okay that she wants her cousin in it, but it’s not okay that she wants you to pay for half of her wedding so a person that truly hurt you can participate in it as well. While I am fully supporting you in standing your ground, just remember, if you stand here, you will miss out on her potential kids, birthday parties, and other family events because your family will truly cut you off. If you’re okay with that, do so.”
Stay Strong!
Some people noted how there are extreme biases when it comes to men and women, but OP did nothing wrong here.
This person wrote, “Yeah, there are definitely posts where I’ve thought the judgment would have swung if OP was a woman. Not the a**hole for OP. You made your boundaries known. Your daughter could have respected your feelings and your pain. She could easily have decided to see your brother after the wedding. I suspect she thought she could play savior to the family or some other nonsense, and it backfired because that s*** is never appreciated. Stay strong. What your brother did was completely wrong.”
He Is Being Treated Poorly
Some people noted that OP is the one paying for his brother’s mistakes, which is unfair!
“People are also ignoring the fact that it is OP who has dealt with the consequences his entire life while his brother is accommodated! He missed family events to avoid his brother, and now it’s his daughter’s wedding. How has his brother suffered? He’s still with the girl he stole from his brother, and now that brother’s daughter is putting this a**hole first, too,” wrote one Redditor.
Another said, “And what is with everyone saying he should be over it? He’s allowed to still be hurt by this level of betrayal, and his request to not see him again is reasonable, in my opinion. Boundaries should be respected. This boundary has been established for a long time. She’s betrayed him by trampling all over it.”
What do you think OP should do? Should he attend, or should he stick with his decision?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Attend and Pay For His Daughter’s Wedding After She Invited His Cheating Brother Who Stole His Girlfriend and Married Her! on Quote Ambition.
