This Redditor’s daughter made him change his mind about paying for her wedding by setting rules that excluded him and his new husband. Now she’s mad, and their relationship is crumbling!
A Promise From a Father
OP (Original Poster), a 39-year-old father, had a daughter who was getting married in June the year this story was posted, and he had promised to cover the wedding expenses since she was a child. However, something happened that led him to reconsider this commitment.
An Amicable Divorce
For some background, OP shared that he and his ex-wife became parents very early, and they tied the knot when they were only 18 years old. After six years of marriage, OP realized he needed to come out to his wife.
OP wrote, “She understood, and we had a very amicable divorce and split custody.”
Despite the separation, OP’s daughter has remained a daddy’s girl, maintaining a close bond with OP.
Since the divorce, he’s been in a committed relationship with his partner for 14 years, and their relationship has been harmonious with his daughter.
Setting the Rules
As the wedding preparations progressed, OP’s daughter expressed her wishes for her special day, but some of her requests created tension.
Requests Gone Awry
One of her requests was to keep OP’s husband from attending the wedding due to her future in-laws’ conservative and religious convictions.
Initially, OP agreed, saying, “Okay, it’s your day.”
Other Puzzling Requests
Another request that baffled OP was not allowing his two-year-old son to attend the wedding. This was confusing as the wedding wasn’t intended to be child-free.
Furthermore, OP was asked to avoid discussing his “lifestyle” to prevent discomfort among the in-laws.
Who Is More Important?
OP had had enough and felt frustrated with these limitations that his daughter was setting. So, ultimately, he said that if his daughter’s in-laws mattered so much, they should be the ones footing the bill for the wedding.
His Daughter’s Outburst
This suggestion led to a heated argument with his daughter. She called OP a “child” and even said she’d “ask her father-in-law to walk her down the aisle” if OP stuck to his stance.
A Father’s Defense
OP defended his position, asserting that if his family was not welcome and he was excluded from the wedding, he wouldn’t financially support it.
He told her, “Fine. If my family isn’t welcomed, and I’m excluded, I’m not paying for the wedding.”
OP’s daughter was furious and said he was being “selfish.” She claimed he was “picking favorites” and “not thinking about her.”
Accusations and Hurt Feelings
She complained that they couldn’t afford the wedding since she and her fiancé were both too young and reminded OP it was a promise he made. Now, everyone, including his ex-wife, is calling OP “selfish.”
The Final Decision
In an update, OP shared that his daughter had apologized but didn’t budge on the wedding rules.
With things staying the same, OP decided he wouldn’t be chipping in financially after all.
No Turning Back
After his daughter’s apology, OP apologized to his husband and son and regretted even considering excluding them. His husband even offered $5,000 to help, but his daughter didn’t change her plans.
She had already asked her father-in-law to walk her down the aisle. So, OP decided to take his son and husband on a family trip instead.
The Community’s Thoughts
Commenters were perplexed by how OP’s daughter treated him. How could she be married with that mindset?
A top comment wrote, “Dude, your daughter is not mature enough to get married. Not the a**hole.”
To which another replied, “While there are many great points in other comments, I think this really nails the big issue behind it all. She is immature and a people pleaser. She is so in love with the idea of being married that she is willing to throw away her dad, who will still be there long after this marriage ends.”
You Have Our Sympathy
Users feel bad for OP and hope his daughter will realize what she has done.
One user said, “Not the a**hole. She has no idea how lucky she is to have a loving father who is willing to pay for her wedding. I’m so sorry she’s being hateful. One day, hopefully, she will see how wrong she is and say she is sorry. In the meantime, don’t pay for her h********* wedding.”
“Not the a**hole. If your daughter is accepting and supportive of you, your partner, and her baby brother, she won’t allow her future in-laws to make outrageous restrictions against you and your family. Especially when you’re paying! I do not blame you one bit for not wanting to pay for the wedding,” another commenter wrote.
Should OP have been willing to compromise for his daughter? Or was he right not to?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Fund His Daughter’s Wedding, Although He Promised to, Because She Said His “Lifestyle” Would Make Her In-Laws-To-Be “Uncomfortable.” They’re Just “Homophobic,” but He’s Accused of Being “Selfish!” on Quote Ambition.