His friend planned to get married at his house, but her fiancé banned him from attending due to their past. He took back the offer to host, and now he’s being shunned by friends!
Soon-To-Be-Wed Best Friend
One of OP’s (Original Poster) best friends, Carla, will be getting married soon. She and her fiancé, Rick, have been planning the wedding for months, and all their efforts would soon come to fruition.
OP wrote, “It’s only meant to be a small backyard type of wedding, but they’ve been planning it for a few months now.”
An Intimate Ceremony
Because they wanted to keep things small and private, the couple asked OP if he’d allow them to have the wedding on his property. It was private, had lots of open space for the reception, had a nice view, and the house could be used for them to get ready.
OP, being a good friend, said yes.
Juicy History
However, OP and Carla have a history. They went out on and off in college but ultimately decided to stay friends.
He shared, “Then I met my wife, we got married, Carla met Rick, and now here they are.”
Wife’s Go Signal
OP’s wife knew about his past relationship with Carla. He told her about their days in college, and “she didn’t care.”
Carla attended their wedding, and his wife had no issues with her being there.
A Secret?
In turn, OP didn’t know if Rick knew about them or not. However, since it wasn’t his relationship, it was none of his business.
OP ultimately decided not to say anything about it.
A Blindsided Fiancé
However, Rick recently found out, and OP noted that it was “not in the best way.”
He wrote, “Not sure how, but from what I heard from friends is that one mutual friend told him—no idea why—we used to date.”
Lingering Feelings
Apart from this, OP discovered that Carla said, a couple of years back, that she was still in love with OP. What made things worse was that this happened while she was already dating Rick!
OP added, “Don’t have actual confirmation if that’s exactly what he was told. All Carla’s told me is that Rick was told about our past, and he’s angry at her for never saying anything.”
A Dramatic Turn of Events
Given how Rick found out, there was a lot of drama, and the couple didn’t talk to OP for over a month. Now OP had just heard from Carla, and she said they were going to couples’ counseling, and the wedding was “still on.”
But the twist was that Rick requested OP not attend. He said, “It sucks, but I totally get why he wouldn’t be comfortable.”
A Much-Needed Answer to an Obvious Question
OP then asked the “obvious question.” He asked Carla where the wedding was taking place.
However, he didn’t expect Carla to say that the ceremony would still happen at his place.
It Doesn’t Make Sense
Carla explained that Rick was the one who insisted on still using OP’s place. And, in OP’s mind, he said, “He doesn’t want the guy who dated his fiancé years ago at the wedding but still wants the wedding at his house?”
This doesn’t make sense. If they go by Carla and Rick’s plans, then were OP and his wife just expected not to be at their house that weekend?
OP’s Firm Refusal
OP immediately told Carla no, and that they’d have to find another place since he and his wife won’t simply leave their home to them for the weekend.
He said, “Not only for safety reasons, but it just doesn’t make sense. Rick doesn’t want me around because he’s not comfortable but is comfortable enough to have their wedding at my house?”
Judgemental Friends
Since OP’s refusal, the couple has been bugging him to give in. Aside from that, some of their friends think OP is being a “petty a**hole” for suddenly refusing to host their wedding.
He’s also being accused of “sabotaging” the couple’s big day. OP added, “Rick believes it’s the least I can do after everything.”
I Beg to Differ
However, for OP, he’s not doing anything wrong. He really doesn’t think it makes sense that they have to leave their own home for a wedding they’re “no longer welcome” to attend.
Plus, doing so would leave their home “totally vulnerable.”
What Redditors Think of the Issue
Users pointed out that Rick might want the “easy way out” of his relationship with Carla.
“Rick doesn’t want to get married anymore but doesn’t want to be the bad guy breaking up with his fiancé, so he’s put her in an impossible position so he can get sympathy when they split. Not the a**hole,” one Redditor said.
Flawed Perspective
Redditors also don’t understand why Rick’s statement, saying allowing him and Carla to get married at OP and his wife’s place is the “least OP can do.”
This user wrote, “I really don’t get the ‘least OP can do’ thing. The least OP can do for what, existing? The only person sabotaging the wedding is Rick at the moment. In no realm does his request make sense.”
Another commented, “Right? The least you can do after everything? After maintaining a healthy friendship with an ex? Your own wife knowing about it and being fine with it? And you offer your property for free for their wedding? Is that the ‘everything?’ Pft. I can’t believe the nerve of people. Even if they re-invite you, do not let them have the wedding at your property, and do not go to this wedding wherever it may be held. Not the a**hole.”
An Interesting Debate
Some say Carla is partially at fault for not telling Rick about her past with OP. However, for others, Rick should be able to accept that his partner had dated someone before, and it’s okay to still be friends with them.
One person who put Carla under the spotlight said, “I mean, partial blame on Carla. If you used to date someone you still spend time with, then you tell your significant other. But you also explain why you are now only friends. It seems she didn’t because she always still wanted him.”
Then, one who sided with her said, “Why? This assumption still implies some kind of crappy ‘ownership’ crap that society is obsessed with. Everyone needs to come to the realization that the person they’re dating now has dated others before, and it’s okay if they remain friends with their exes. In fact, it usually shows a high level of emotional intelligence, kindness, grace, and maturity.”
Do you think Carla should have told Rick? Did OP do the right thing?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Let His Ex-girlfriend Have Her Wedding at His House After Her Fiancé Uninvited Him. Now He’s Accused of Being a “Petty Jerk” Who’s “Sabotaging” Their Big Day! on Quote Ambition.
