This Redditor only wanted to make his sister feel loved, so he chose to celebrate her 21st birthday with her. But his decision might cause a permanent rift in his relationship with his dad!
A Loving Brother to His Sister
OP (Original Poster) is a 27-year-old with a younger sister, Mary, who will soon turn 21. While he had always been close with her, OP said their dad had always overlooked Mary.
He said, “My dad never wanted a daughter, and tensions with his ex-wife, Mary’s mom, led to him basically excluding her from everything.”
Never Good Enough
Sadly, nothing Mary ever does is good enough for their dad. Mary’s even often excluded from family gatherings.
OP said he always tries to include or take her out with just the two of them to make her feel better, but it seems it’s not working. He shared, “It’s obvious that being excluded hurts her a lot.”
OP shared that he was considered his dad’s “golden child.” He also mentioned that he grew up spoiled.
On the flip side, it was the complete opposite for Mary. OP said that though she tries to hide it, he could tell that Mary is jealous of the attention their dad gives OP.
When this story was posted, there was only a month before Mary turned 21, and OP said she was very excited about it.
OP and Mary lived in different states, but he promised to fly over for her birthday to take her for her first drink. The siblings have been planning things for months, and OP already has his tickets.
At the same time, OP’s 56-year-old dad is getting married to Janice, a 57-year-old. This is where the problem lies for OP.
A few days before this story was posted, his dad texted him to tell him their wedding plans had changed.
In the text, OP was informed that they planned to get married in Janice’s parents’ yard on June 8th. He shared, “He said he knew it was short notice, but they agreed that a small ceremony would be better so they could go to the beach for their honeymoon while it was still nice.”
For OP, the problem wasn’t the short notice. Instead, it’s the date; June 8th is Mary’s birthday!
Brushing Things Off
OP was conflicted because his dad scheduled his wedding on the day of his sister’s birthday—not a day before or a day after. He brought it up with his dad, but he shrugged it off.
OP shared, “My dad brushed it off, saying it’s just a date, and it wasn’t like my sister was going to celebrate her birthday with us anyways.”
OP straightforwardly told his dad that he promised to spend Mary’s birthday with her and had already bought tickets. He also said he wouldn’t be able to attend both events.
In his post, OP said, “He seemed shocked by this and asked why I didn’t just cancel for his wedding since I’m already paying to come down. I could even bring Mary along and celebrate her there if it meant that much to me.”
Arguing With His Dad
He was already p***** off with his dad because, per OP, the least he could do was acknowledge his daughter’s birthday. So, he told his dad that he planned to spend his day with Mary and would only attend his wedding if Mary were invited and she decided to go.
OP’s dad argued that birthdays come yearly; hence, it wasn’t special, unlike weddings. He shared his response: “I responded that this is his third, so it’s not that special, but my sister turning 21 is.”
OP’s dad hasn’t spoken to him since their argument, but he said Janice and his other family members had contacted him nonstop.
He said, “Janice told me that my dad has been crying and miserable over what I said and that my selfishness has ruined their wedding.”
Standing His Ground
OP admits that what he did and said was harsh, but he still stands by his decision. He believes that he wasn’t the selfish one in this scenario.
He shared, “I am not the one being selfish here, and if my dad wants his child at his wedding so badly, he can have all or nothing.”
Was He Being Petty?
Even with his resolve, OP can’t help but think he did some wrong here, especially since his dad and many of his family were still mad at him.
They told him he was “being petty” and was selfish for “ruining” his dad’s big day. But was he?
In an edit, OP said that Mary is his biological sister, but they only share the same dad; OP’s mom was their dad’s first wife, and Mary’s mom was their dad’s second wife.
He shared, “My dad is a known womanizer, which I believe is the reason his last two marriages didn’t work out, but I could be wrong.” He also said that he wasn’t sure if Janice, his dad’s current fiancé, knew about Janice.
What Redditors Have to Say
The community backed OP and looked at his dad as the a**hole in this story.
A top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. I would bet every penny I have that your dad did this intentionally. F*** him.” Then, another replied, “Daddy dearest has a narcissism streak as wide as the Nile. You are entirely correct. F*** him. Not the a**hole.”
You Were Not Harsh Enough!
A Redditor also told OP not to subject his sister to the pain that would come to her should she go to the wedding.
This person said, “Honestly, you were not harsh enough. Do not subject your sister to that wedding should your dad invite her. She will be treated poorly, and your dad will be resentful at being given the ultimatum. Your father is in his third marriage. At this point, he needs to go to the courthouse. And Janice is so upset. She should look at his track record and think twice if she has any sense. Please spend the day with your sister. Turn your phone off and tell your dad there are 29 other days in June. If he wants you at the wedding, he needs to change the date. End of discussion.”
What can you say about OP’s actions? Do you think he made the right choice?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Attend His Dad’s Wedding So He Could Celebrate His Sister’s 21st Birthday. Now He’s Accused of “Being Petty” and “Selfishly Ruining” the Couple’s Big Day! on Quote Ambition.