This user tried so hard to keep her daughter, but her daughter was the one who wanted to leave. So now, years later, she’s hesitant to welcome her with open arms!
OP (Original Poster) divorced her ex-husband when her daughter, Maria, was only 10.
After the divorce, OP got the house they lived in. However, she needed help making ends meet since she was a stay-at-home mom.
Thankfully, after “lots of budgeting,” she got a job in the field she worked in before and was slowly able to finance their household.
A Wealthy Ex
However, OP’s husband didn’t have the same problem. He was making good money and could spoil their daughter.
Messed up Relationship
Since her ex-husband would spoil her daughter “rotten,” it really affected OP and her daughter’s relationship.
OP couldn’t afford to give her daughter the kind of luxury her dad could give.
She wrote, “I would tell her I can’t afford to get her a $1,000 laptop, and it would cause a huge argument about how ‘Dad is better.’”
OP suggested her daughter get a job, but an argument ensued between them.
Then, when OP’s daughter turned 17, she decided to drop out of high school. OP told her no, but she didn’t listen.
My Life, My Choice
As an act of defiance, OP’s daughter told her it was “her life,” and she could do what she wanted.
OP and her daughter kept arguing, and later, after another argument, she left to live with her dad permanently.
She wrote, “I tried to contact her multiple times, but she told me I wasn’t her mother anymore and left her alone.”
Now, OP’s daughter is 21. Her dad has gotten married again and basically “kicked her out.”
She called OP, and they decided to meet up. Her daughter wants to move back in with her, but OP’s only agreeing if she meets some conditions.
Tick off the List
OP told her daughter that she needed to get her GED first. She also told her that she needs to start working and take a job that makes her work 25-plus hours a week.
Then, OP told her daughter that she needs to be looking into what her career will be and either go to a trade school or college,
She explained that she didn’t need to pay rent. However, she did need to buy her own stuff, like clothes and personal items.
Then, OP noted that she needed to contribute to shared areas through chores and the like.
OP added, “Finally, no partying lifestyle. She needs to focus on getting her life together, not going out every night like she used to do, save it for the weekend.”
A Furious Woman
After this, OP’s daughter blew up. She called OP a “crazy jerk” and accused her of being a “s*** mother.”
OP said, “I informed her that she made it clear she has no mother. She stormed out, and I am getting texts.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
For users, OP was completely reasonable with her requests.
The top commenter said, “Not the a**hole. Those are completely reasonable requests. Beyond reasonable, even. You wouldn’t be out of line to ask for bills or contributions to household expenses. She’s right. It’s her life, and she can live it how she wants. That means she needs to find a way to pay for it. She can’t live off her parents for her whole life.”
The same person added, “It sounds like she was getting a free ride from Dad, and now that’s gone, she’s learning the hard way what actual adulting looks like. The ‘partying lifestyle’ thing is the only one close to being a line, but again—your house, your rules. It’s completely fair for you not to want your roommate coming home drunk at 2:00 AM every morning and being loud and disruptive. If she wants to go out every night, let her find her own place or roommates who are into that.”
Keep Your Ground
Then, the rest of the community advised OP to hold her ground on the issue.
A woman wrote, “OP, it’s messed up that she basically disowned you as a mother, but now that she needs or wants something from you, you’re expected to ‘drop to her feet and be grateful?’ What you are asking for in exchange for a roof over her head is not too much. She just doesn’t want to do it. Don’t back down.”
Another said, “Even if she hadn’t disowned OP, she’s a 21-year-old adult. No one is required to give a freeloading adult a home, and the list of requirements is totally reasonable.”
Do you think OP’s too harsh? What would you do?
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This post first appeared as Her Daughter Picked Her Husband Over Her and Made It Clear She “Had No Mother.” She Came Crawling Back, Wanting to Be Taken In, but She Refused. Now She’s Called a “Crazy Jerk!” on Quote Ambition.