This Redditor doesn’t want to give money to his pregnant ex until she can prove the baby is his with a paternity test. Is he being a jerk for wanting proof?
A Rocky Relationship
OP (Original Poster) is a 27-year-old man who dated his 25-year-old girlfriend for 6 months. However, they were in an open relationship wherein they were also free to see other people.
Things weren’t working out between the two, so they broke up.
An Unexpected Development
One month passed since their breakup when OP’s ex-girlfriend found out she was pregnant. She then claimed the baby was OP’s.
Paternity in Doubt
OP knew she’d been seeing other guys, though. So, for him, it was entirely possible the baby wasn’t his.
Proof Is Needed
OP’s ex was furious and upset about the fact that he was even questioning the baby’s paternity.
But OP told her, “If we got a paternity test and it showed I’m the dad, then yeah, I’ll 100% be involved.”
Instead of just agreeing with OP, she refused. She said she didn’t want that and would rather wait until after the baby was born to get a test done.
Tricked Into Child Support
OP is fine with this but made sure to let his ex know that he wouldn’t be part of the baby’s life—including her pregnancy—until he knows for certain the baby is his.
Being in the United States, he’s heard of horror stories where people have been set up for child support by helping out early on and then finding out later they’re not the father. This is why OP is set on having a paternity test done before he offers any help; he added, “I’d rather not even risk it, you know?”
Saving up for the Future
Now, OP’s ex-girlfriend is about eight months pregnant, and just in case, he’d started saving money.
He’s also been reading books and making “shopping cart lists” of baby clothes and furniture—in preparation for the future, should he really be the baby’s dad.
Tight on Money
In the meantime, OP’s ex-girlfriend only has a part-time job, and money is tight. She doesn’t have enough money to buy a baby bassinet or clothes.
Because of this, his ex started asking OP to lend her money.
He Doesn’t Want to Risk It
But OP reminded his ex that he’d give her money and help out once he knew her son was his. Until then, he doesn’t want to get involved.
The Only Possible Father With Money
OP even suggested she reach out to other guys who could also be the child’s dad. But she said one is “even more broke,” and the other, she wasn’t able to contact.
This left OP as the only option for her to turn to for financial help.
Hate From Mutual Friends
To add more complications, OP and his ex also share the same friend group. So, now, OP is “getting s*** from them” because they know he has enough money to help out.
OP wrote, “She could be the mom of my kid, so the least I could do is provide. They say they would if they had the money. Since I do have the means and this baby could be mine, I should already be helping.”
Sticking To His Decision
OP admits his friends have a point, and there’s a possibility the baby is his. Once again, he reiterated that he’d be happy to help—once he knows “he is, in fact, his.”
However, no matter how righteous it was for OP, everyone else sees him as being “too cold” and “inconsiderate.” Because of this, OP needs an outsider’s perspective to see if he really is acting like a jerk.
Redditors believed that OP didn’t owe his ex anything.
The top commenter said, “Not the a**hole. You don’t owe her anything until you’re sure of paternity. And to be honest, if she can’t afford to have a kid, regardless of who the father is, she shouldn’t be having a kid.”
Another replied, saying, “Took the words right out of my mouth. Let’s not forget either that ‘I can’t reach one guy and the other is broke’ is a ‘her’ problem and likely the only reason she’s trying to peg OP as the father. I’m not sure why she would even keep a baby if she can’t afford it, especially if two out of three of the possible fathers can’t provide. I wouldn’t want to be stuck paying for a kid that wasn’t mine, either. Seems like this girl really f***** up, and if she is in such dire financial straits, it will only get worse after she delivers and can’t work for a bit. You would think she would’ve gotten the test if she was hurting for cash that bad, but the fact that she didn’t shows me she thinks he probably isn’t the father.”
Whose Baby Is It?
Many also felt that OP’s ex-girlfriend was delaying a paternity test to manipulate him.
One user said, “She may also be putting it off in hopes that she can get OP to feel emotionally—and therefore financially—invested in the baby, whether he’s the father or not.”
Another said, “I just read that not only did you use protection, she did too. So that, coupled with her not wanting to get the paternity test, tells me she doesn’t think you’re the father; she just thinks you’re the best financial option—which you are. Don’t help or give her a dime until paternity is established because there’s a huge chance it’s not yours.”
What do you think OP should do? Should he help his ex out or wait until a paternity test is done?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Give His Pregnant Ex Money Until She Proves the Baby’s His. They Had an Open Relationship, and She’s Trying to “Manipulate” Him, but Now He’s Labeled “Inconsiderate!” on Quote Ambition.