His mom invited his aunt’s family to his wedding’s rehearsal dinner without his knowledge. But this would mean his cousin would attend, act up, and potentially ruin the night!
Tying the Knot
OP (Original Poster) is getting married the same week he posted this story on Reddit. He was absolutely ecstatic until he found out about the tricky predicament he was in!
A Sly Invitation
His aunt, who isn’t out of town, contacted his mom. She asked if it was a mistake that her family only received an invitation to the wedding, not the rehearsal dinner.
OP wrote, “My mom, who paid for a good chunk of the wedding, basically invited my aunt to the rehearsal dinner and told us after the fact.”
Not for That Matter
When OP told his fiancé, she forcefully declined. She has an issue with OP’s 21-year-old cousin with Down Syndrome.
Sadly, the couple’s issue with OP’s cousin went beyond her condition, as she’s “extremely poorly behaved.” Almost all throughout her life, OP’s cousin has been the center of attention and is likely to make every situation about herself.
Audacious Cousin
Furthermore, OP’s fiancé told him that the same cousin also called her “ugly” and insulted how she dressed.
OP added, “Said cousin also tends to burp and fart out of place and laughs about it.”
Stinky Personality
Moreover, OP’s cousin also said rude things to him, but he’s learned to deal with it through the years.
For instance, there was a phase in her teenage years when she started telling everyone that OP was her boyfriend. When he asked her to stop, she nicknamed him “stinky b***,” and that’s all she’s called him since then.
Having an Attitude Problem
According to OP, his cousin is defiant, ill-mannered, and rude—more than what is acceptable even for someone with Down Syndrome.
OP wrote, “Her words tend to hurt my fiancé.”
Embarrassing Incident
A year before this story happened, OP’s cousin took the mic during the wedding toast of a distant cousin and babbled for about five minutes. It was not even a close family member, and OP is unsure whether the couple knew who she was.
OP described, “It was a cringeworthy moment of an otherwise lovely ceremony.”
A Meddling Mom
So, OP explained the situation to his mother, asking her to tell his aunt’s family they weren’t invited to the rehearsal dinner but were still welcome to attend the wedding reception. He then clarified his concerns regarding his cousin’s behavior, bringing up boundaries, and she started crying.
OP wrote, “I brought up that earlier this year, I had COVID-19 on my birthday, and my mom insisted on coming over. After I said no four times and I just wanted to be alone, she came over anyway.”
Snide Remarks
After that, his mom passive-aggressively said that if he has to choose between his family and his wife, he must honor his wife’s wishes. Then she said something about not seeing OP and his fiancé anymore.
OP was baffled by how his mom reacted. He noted, “Mind you, we are not particularly close to this aunt.”
Ruining a Wonderful Day
Still, OP doesn’t want a cousin calling him “stinky b***” on his wedding day. He also refuses to invite someone who farts and laughs about it during the ceremony.
Above all, he doesn’t want her telling his bride she’s ugly or making fun of her dress on their big day.
Expecting the Worst
Eventually, OP convinced all parties that his cousin could come but must leave the instant she acts up. But now, he’s afraid there might be a disagreement about what constitutes “acting up.”
OP wrote, “I’m almost 100% sure said cousin is going to do something that will allow me to ask my aunt to take her home. And I will. At that point, all sides will think I’m an a**hole. Not sure what to do.”
Sneaking In
In a comment, OP clarified that he didn’t invite his cousin, but he did invite his aunt—to the wedding and not the rehearsal dinner. Additionally, his cousin started attending an out-of-state boarding school for poorly behaved kids.
OP said, “They just dropped this on me this week that she’s flying in for the wedding, and I think that was the ‘loophole’ they found because we initially said the rehearsal was for the wedding party and out-of-town guests.”
People’s Thoughts and Opinions
According to some Redditors, OP’s aunt and her family must learn how to handle and improve OP’s cousin’s behavior.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. I’m a special education teacher, and if your cousin were a disruption in my class, I would have a behavioral plan in place for her. If her parents do not have any such plan in place, then they will all, unfortunately, suffer the consequences.”
Smart Strategy
Some people suggested something precisely OP plans to do: letting his cousin come and wait until she does something unacceptable. That’s when he’ll have a reason not to invite her to any event anymore.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. If I were in your shoes, I’d let them come to the rehearsal dinner. Let them know that if your cousin acts up, she will be asked to leave immediately and will be barred from returning to any of the festivities, including the ceremony and the reception.”
The same person wrote, “I’d then hope she acts up at the rehearsal so you can just ban her outright and not have to stress about it. If they’re banned, make sure the bridal party is on alert so they can take care of the situation, and you can enjoy your day. Congratulations on the nuptials!”
Keep Her Nose Out of It
Others believe OP should’ve stood his ground and disagreed with his mother meddling in their wedding because she had no right to decide for him and his fiancé.
Someone wrote, “Not the a**hole. Your mother had no business inviting anyone to your rehearsal dinner. You don’t need to get into the whys or wherefores. They are irrelevant. Rehearsal dinners are for the wedding party, extremely close family, and occasionally a few other people the happy couple chooses to invite. Not for rarely-seen aunts and cousins or any randos, the mother decides to invite without consulting the couple.”
The same Redditor said, “You should have shut your mother down immediately without ever taking it to your fiancé. D*** straight, you should have sided with your fiancé.”
What should OP do? Do you think his cousin’s issues are entirely unrelated to her condition?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Invite His Cousin With Down Syndrome to His Rehearsal Dinner After She Insulted His Fiancé, Calling Her “Ugly.” Now His Furious Mom’s Threatening to Cut Their Ties! on Quote Ambition.
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