This Redditor is very sentimental about his late wife’s things. So, when his daughter asked if she could alter her mom’s wedding dress for her own wedding, he adamantly refused!
Petite Wife
OP’s (Original Poster) late wife was a “very small person.” She was so petite that when they got married all those years ago, she was only at 115 pounds.
Made to Fit
Because of this, her wedding dress obviously reflects that fact. It was custom-made to fit her, so unless one’s very close in physique, it would be impossible to fit in the dress.
All the Memories Left Behind
Sadly, OP’s wife passed away two years before this story was posted. Due to this, she will no longer be able to attend their daughter’s wedding that will be taking place in 2025.
Holding On
With her mother gone, OP’s daughter now wants to wear her wedding dress. However, for OP, this wasn’t a good idea.
Bigger Than Usual
He explained that he didn’t know what his daughter’s exact weight was, but although that’s the case, he’s sure she was “overweight” and would need to “size up quite a bit.”
He shared, “I told her it wouldn’t be a good idea since she won’t be able to squeeze into it.”
Daughter’s Solutions
For OP’s daughter, though, size wasn’t a problem.
OP wrote, “She told me she can just up the size of it, and I told her I would think about it.”
Cutting up His Wife’s Memory
When OP looked into things, though, he was quite taken aback. He discovered that for the dress to get altered to fit his daughter, they’d have to “basically cut the dress to size it up.”
No Way That’s Happening
Given the information he had just come across, OP immediately refused. He informed his daughter and told her that she “can’t wear the dress” because they needed to cut the dress up before she could fit into it.
His Gatekeeping
This angered OP’s daughter, leading to a heated argument between the two. She even accused OP of “gatekeeping” his wife’s things!
However, OP didn’t relent and just told his daughter no again.
An Option
Instead, OP offered to let his daughter have some of his wife’s jewelry. This, however, was not what his daughter wanted, so she eventually just hung up on her dad.
Taking Sides
OP’s sons are “onto him” about just giving up the dress. At the same time, his daughter “clearly thinks” that he’s being a “jerk.”
I Know Her
Even so, OP knows his wife wouldn’t want the dress to get cut up and destroyed.
He said, “My wife always wanted to go dress shopping with our daughters. She loved her wedding dress, and I don’t think she would be okay with it being cut up.”
Favoritism?
He also noted that should his other daughter ask him about the dress, he still wouldn’t let her alter it. OP shared that she wasn’t “super skinny” like his wife, but the dress still wouldn’t fit because of her height.
Eternal Keepsake
Overall, OP doesn’t want any alterations done to the dress because it’d feel like he’s “cutting up her memory and keepsake.”
He wrote, “I am not ready to let go of this piece of my wife and only have a picture of our wedding day.”
Redditors’ Reactions
For users, OP was not entirely out of line for refusing. However, perhaps he could have communicated his feelings better.
One user wrote, “Honestly, as a woman, I feel like this is an okay line to draw, but be honest with your daughter. Your wife, who is now gone, wore the dress in its current state on the day she married you, and it’s precious to you in the state it is currently in, not altered. That’s okay. If your daughter responds that she is also her mother, that’s okay. You both lost a huge part of your world the day you lost her. You have offered your daughter to wear the jewelry, which will not need to be altered for her to wear, and she can still wear a piece of her mother on her special day without altering your piece. Compassion works two ways, and you can express that to her without putting her down or making her weight part of the problem. Not the a**hole.”
Helpful Suggestions
Others gave OP suggestions that he could offer his daughter about the dress, too.
A Redditor shared, “If your daughter has the ability to pay for—or the skill to make—a custom dress, might I add another suggestion? A good dressmaker could use the original—without damaging it in any way and handling it very carefully—to make a pattern based on the original, size that up to fit the daughter and construct a ‘reproduction’ of the dress directly based on the mother’s. OP would get to keep his wife’s dress intact; the daughter would get a dress whose creation was a direct product of her mother’s.”
Another agreed, saying, “This is honestly the best way to go about it. If the amount of modifications that need to be made to the dress for OP’s daughter to be able to fit the dress are as comprehensive as OP is saying, then I personally don’t think it’ll be as meaningful for the daughter to wear because it would basically be an Argos Paradox dress. The best thing to do is to find a competent tailor to repattern the dress and make a properly fitted sized duplicate from scratch.”
Do you think OP was too harsh? Do you think he’s holding on too much to his late wife’s memory?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Let His Overweight Daughter “Cut Up” His Late Wife’s Wedding Dress So She Could Wear It. His Kids Say He’s a “Jerk,” but He’ll Never Allow Them to “Destroy” Her Memory! on Quote Ambition.
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