When his biological daughter entered his life, everything was great, and she got along with his family well. However, things went haywire when she asked him to pay for her college and expensive apartment!
Hello, Is This My Father?
Several months before OP (Original Poster) shared this story on Reddit, his 17-year-old biological daughter contacted him after discovering his information. He had given her up for adoption years ago, and this was the first time they would be meeting after all those years.
They met up in a public place and, in all honesty, had a wonderful time. They talked and shared stories, and he told her what happened with her biological mother and why they had to give her up for adoption in the past.
His daughter seemed happy with her current life situation and OP’s answers. Still, OP understood that everything took time to process.
A Peek Into Her Plans
Additionally, she told him her plans about not wanting to go to college but rather pursue her music career and her business on the side, along with her part-time job. Her adoptive parents seemed okay with it “as long as she was making money.”
Advice From a Long-Lost Dad
OP thought he didn’t have the right to interfere. Still, he advised his daughter that she shouldn’t completely close off her mind to the idea of attending university so she has something to fall back on.
The 17-year-old only laughed it off, and then they moved on.
Wealth and Pride
To give more context, it was necessary to note that OP was wealthy as his business boomed. He said that he takes pride in living a luxurious life with good cars and all.
He said, “I am well off. I have a family of five. My company grew way past my expectations, and I can proudly say I live a nice lavish life with good cars, etc.”
What a Delight!
Two weeks before posting this story, OP’s daughter came to his home, stayed over, and met the rest of his family. She got along well with his three kids, and his wife loved having her around.
Following His Advice
Everything went well until two days before OP turned to Reddit to post this story.
His daughter called and told him she had taken his advice, applied to different schools, and searched for accommodations. Then, she told him some of the schools he was familiar with and showed him some costly apartments.
Dumbfounded by the Question
OP told her he was proud of her decision and asked what she wanted to study, so she said she wanted to pursue arts.
OP added, “Well, I said that’s great, and her parents must really be happy. She agreed and was silent. I asked if she was okay, and she blatantly said, ‘Well, will you help me to pay for it?’”
That’s when OP became speechless. He wasn’t sure what to say and told his daughter it wasn’t an easy question to answer.
His daughter then said, “Well, I thought since you are my dad and you left me when you couldn’t take care of me, and now you have everything, you can—that you’d want to.”
Thinking Things Through
OP asked her what her adoptive parents thought and how they were going to help. But his daughter just said that they didn’t have enough.
So, ultimately, OP told her he would need to think about it and hung up.
Afterward, OP discussed it with his wife, and she doesn’t think it would be a good idea as well. Their three kids need to go to university, too, and there are a lot of other finances they’d have to take care of during and after.
Although they have the money, they’ve only planned for three kids and any emergency that might happen.
A Chance to Make Amends
The night before sharing this story, OP texted his daughter, saying he wouldn’t be able to pay for her education, and then she “blew up.” She said he had the “chance to do what was right,” but he “screwed up” again.
Figure Something Out
After some time, OP and his wife started to consider contributing to his daughter’s tuition fee if she really was serious, but they will be asking her first if she could take community college into consideration. However, OP doesn’t think paying for a luxury apartment is possible.
But before that, OP said they would speak to his biological daughter’s adoptive parents. OP added, “I feel terrible. Am I the a**hole?”
What Redditors Think
Redditors think OP doesn’t have an obligation to pay for his biological daughter’s education since she is now her adoptive parents’ responsibility.
The top commenter wrote, “Absolutely not. If both of her biological parents gave her up for adoption, and she now has been adopted and raised by other people, she is their responsibility, not yours. Sure, I can see why she’d be p*****, and she probably thinks, ‘You chose to keep your three kids, so why did you not choose to keep me?’ But she isn’t entitled to your money at all.”
Another person added, “Exactly this. The second you put her up for adoption and terminate your rights legally, she is not your responsibility anymore. Her parents are the ones who adopted her. In addition, you aren’t entitled to spend someone else’s money. It doesn’t matter if you raised her or not. When someone graduates high school and is 18, you are not required to pay for anything additional like education. It’s nice but not a requirement. Not the a**hole.”
Up to Your Conscience
Some believe that this is not a matter of whether OP is the a**hole or not. Although he isn’t the legal parent, she is still his biological daughter; no matter what, there will be a connection between them.
A Redditor said, “This is not really something that ‘am I the a**hole’ has the appropriate nuance to tackle for you, and the answer lies in your conscience. If you’re looking for absolution here, I don’t know what to tell you. I can’t call you an a**hole necessarily, but I’m also not going to call your biological kid one, either.”
The same person wrote, “Talk to her and her parents and see if you can come to a compromise about state school or some sort of scholarship or something. I don’t think you’re on the hook for the college of her dreams, but neither are you morally free to walk away with your riches.”
Is OP responsible for paying for his biological daughter’s education? What do you think?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Pay For His Biological Daughter’s College Education. Now She’s Furious, Saying He “Screwed Up” His Only Chance to Make Things Right After Giving Her up for Adoption! on Quote Ambition.