For this Redditor, no one is as important as his son. So, for him, it’s only natural that he refused his current wife’s request to use his son’s emergency fund for someone else!
His Son’s Condition
OP (Original Poster) has a nine-year-old son with a congenital heart defect (CHD). He and his ex-wife knew of his condition ever since she was pregnant.
He shared that his son had an “enormous procedure” on his heart when he was only 10 days old.
My Only Wish
Because of his son’s condition, OP didn’t get the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him, and he missed a lot of great moments. At the time, he and his ex-wife only talked to surgeons, pediatricians, and cardiologists.
However, for OP, none of it mattered. He just wanted his child to grow up and be healthy “just like any normal kid.”
Problems Plaguing His Son’s Life
OP’s son is now nine, but the problems and complications of CHD have not yet disappeared.
He shared, “He’s nine years old, visits the doctor every week, and we’re still dealing with issues. Every once in a while, there seems to be an issue coming up unexpectedly.”
Terrifying Condition
Now, OP and his son are dealing with arrhythmia. OP is terrified because he doesn’t know what will happen or where his son’s condition is going.
So, he made it a point to have an emergency fund for his son. OP said, “I have saved up money for him in case of an emergency.”
Another Person in the Picture
OP has a new wife he met in 2018. He said she had been supportive even though she “complains her salary isn’t enough.”
He mentioned that she worked at a salon.
Problems With His Father-In-Law
Sadly, OP’s new father-in-law isn’t doing okay health-wise, either. Like his son, he has a chronic condition that recently got worse.
Monetary Help
His current wife’s family had started contacting them a week before this story was posted, asking them to help with money for OP’s father-in-law’s surgery.
OP shared, “My wife was the one who talked to her brother then she came to tell me that we needed to pay money to help her family.”
Current Living Situation
However, OP’s and his current wife’s salaries were “barely enough” to cover their expenses and daily needs. So, his current wife brought up his son’s emergency fund and suggested they use it to help her dad.
Firm Refusal
OP told her that the money “wasn’t going anywhere.” He explained that his son was sick, too, and he was his top priority and should be his current wife’s priority as well.
His current wife got mad and said she was “pressured” by her brother, who kept calling and asking her to pay.
Not My Problem or Responsibility
Even though OP felt terrible about his father-in-law’s condition, he believed it wasn’t his problem nor his responsibility. His responsibility is toward his son as his parent; he needs to worry and be prepared for what comes for him in the future.
His current wife got upset and believed OP didn’t care about her dad, even though he was the only parent she had left.
My Priority
OP completely understands how his current wife feels, but it doesn’t change the fact that his son is his priority. His son was completely dependent on him, and he needed to ensure he was always there for him when needed.
He wrote, “I’ve had a lot of people close the door in my face when I was begging for money to pay for my son’s hospital stays, and I can’t let this happen again.”
My Decision Is Final
OP’s current wife told him he was overthinking things and worrying too much. She also told him he “needed therapy to deal with his issues.”
However, OP remained firm and told his current wife to stop asking because his decision was final.
I’ll Make My Brother Come Over
His current wife seemed to think her brother could persuade OP, so she wanted him to come over, talk to OP, and explain the situation. But OP said that if he showed up, he would let his brother-in-law know that he was “not obligated to pay;” after all, he was already dealing with his son’s issues that seemed never-ending.
He said, “I understand that my wife’s family is my family, and they’re decent folks and don’t deserve this, but my son is my priority.”
Redditors’ Two Cents
The community reassured OP and told him he was doing the right thing. He saved up the money for his son and needed to ensure it was used toward his medical expenses.
One wrote, “Not the a**hole. That money was specifically meant for your son’s medical needs, and it would not make sense for you to use that for your father-in-law. Your wife is becoming a bigger a**hole by continuing to push your buttons until you give her the money.”
She Knows How Hard It Is for Me
In one of OP’s replies to someone’s comments in the thread, he explained how hard life had been for him and how much he was willing to sacrifice for his son. This further cemented the fact that he had been doing the right thing for his son.
He shared, “She knows exactly how hard it is for me. I haven’t bought new clothes since God knows when. Haven’t enjoyed a decent meal at the restaurant. My car has been in the garage for four months now because I don’t have enough money to get it fixed. I do this to make sure I have money for anything that comes up in case my son needed surgery or a device, and this stuff is expensive. Like I said, there’s literally no one I can count on; they were all willing to see me struggle, and I’m talking about my family here—I’ve come to terms with it, and I learned my lesson.”
Pieces of Advice
Some shared what they thought OP should do to safeguard his son’s emergency fund.
“OP, please create an account in your son’s name and put the money into that,” wrote one Redditor. Another advised, “Hopefully, your son will not need any further surgeries, device implant, etc. However, if that happens, I would research device companies and Biosense Webster to see if they offer any patient scholarships or financial support, or discounts for patients in need. Similar to what some pharmaceutical companies offer with their discount card programs.”
Thoughts on His New Wife
Some Redditors called OP’s current wife out for her actions.
One said, “Not the a**hole. Your current wife is the a**hole. Your son is your top priority, and when she married you, she agreed that he was then her top priority as well. The fact that she wants to touch the money you set aside for him really would give me pause on if I even wanted to stay in a relationship with this person.” Another wrote, “Leave her, like seriously. You are sacrificing all of the pleasures in life for your son to live, and your wife is trying to manipulate you into giving that money away to her father.”
What would you advise OP to do? What do you think of what he did?
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This post first appeared as He Refused to Sacrifice His Sick Son’s Emergency Fund to Pay For His Current Wife’s Dad’s Surgery. Was He Wrong for Treating His Child as His Top Priority? on Quote Ambition.
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